Struggling

[Medusa13]

Hello. I'm new here but have accessed SANE phone chat with success, so given I'm not feeling the best I though the forum might be an addition help.
My partner has major depressive disorder, mood disorder and exhibits bipolar and BPD traits. She's also addicted to cannabis.
I can't remember the last time we were alone together and she was sober, she's been in this current episode since September. The days drag on... she's a different person.

Today I found a birthday card from her from this year saying she adored me. You wouldn't hear those words fall from her mouth atm. Completely emotionally unavailable and pot is her best friend.
I had previously been fairly up beat and positive about the situation until I found the old card this morning, it's just sent me into an extremely negative head space. The fact that she has no intention to cut down or quit as well as is not wanting SSRI's just makes things worse. This episode started when she abruptly went off yet another medication that was in her opinion not helping.

I just feel so down and hopeless. I don't have anything to look forward to with her the way things are.

😔

[Former-Member]

Hello @Medusa13 and welcome to the Forums

I’m sorry to hear how hard things have been with your partner lately. It’s so hard when someone we love is behaving in a way that is out of character and we feel unable to connect with them.

There are lots of other Forum members who have supported or are supporting their partners through challenging times. @inertia is also new to the forums and has posted over here about his experience supporting his wife and @Littletink has posted here about supporting a partner. I think there may be some similarities in your experiences.

I hope things get a little easier after finding the birthday card this morning. Please keep posting – there is always someone to listen here.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Medusa13..... and welcome to the forums.

I have had a teary (leaky) day today. My husband is unwell with mh issues, but doesn’t recognise that he is ... so I l ikk’try to focus my attention on the things that are routine and manageable.

It is so difficult to watch them so lost, but short of being involuntarily admitted to hospital, until they are prepared to admit that life isn’t working very well for them this way, or they suffer a health crisis bad enough to land them in hospital, there is not much else you can do except hold the gospel posts steady and look after yourself.

I have heard that carers standing by does make a difference. Your partner is trying to numb out some sort of pain, it seems, but numbing pain also numbs everything else, which they don’t seem to realise.

I have found that being on these forums is an excellent support to me looking after myself .... people here innately understand what it is like being a carer in a mi situation .... some carers themselves struggle with personal mi issues, and we are prone to both carers burnout and situational depression ourselves. Self-care is essential to keeping is strong and well enough to persevere.

Pleased to meet you @Medusa13 ....

[Medusa13]

Thanks for the reply.

I just don't feel loved.
I have an important appointment to attend about my own physical health and she has hurt me by saying she can't come because she has to help a friend move. Is it too much of me to ask for support from my partner, because they are depressed?
I'm beginning to feel depressed and hopeless myself. It's like there's no silver lining in sight at all.
I don't really understand it I guess.

[Medusa13]

Is it normal for me to be angry and resentful? Does this mean I'm at the end?

[Faith-and-Hope]

No @Medusa13 ..... it’s normal. Part of the cycles you are going through as a carer.

You need to disengage a bit and focus on what you need, so you don’t go under with depression yourself.

Your partner is incapable of giving at the moment ..... she is that unwell.

[TAB]

For what it's worth @Medusa13 .. My long term relationships which haven't been for a while now seem to have a common thread of removed/medicated/drugged well , physically attractive people who in some ways seemed to have things together re owning property etc. just got sick of bs was expected to believe. Well I knew what was getting self into like how could this go wrong then ended up getting attached and beating self up over stuff knew was there the whole time. For me I think it was lack of of self worth/going in eyes wide shut. That was their lifestyle/addiction and all it entailed and that was the most important thing to them