Seeking advice to help a friend with potential BPD

[juliaw]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting and im seeking as much advicce as possible!

Over the past 6 months, one of my friends has been starting to display symptoms that lie very close to diagnostic tools of BPD. Originally, my friends and I assumed it was her depression getting worse, but with the fact that her medication not seeming to be working, or the phycologist visits making it worse, we started to feel that maybe the was an underlying issue that needed to be addressed. 

She isnt professionally diagnosed with BPD, and i am not trying to make that assumption at all, but if it does happen to be the cause of her current problems, then I feel like i need to be more aware of the illness and how to go by it.

I come to this forum today to see if anyone on here can give me advice on how to acft from a friends perspective. Are there certain things i should try and implement into a conversations to help lean her towards seeking more professional help? Is there a certain wqay that i shouold be talking to her? Is it better or worse to bring up the idea of talking to someone about this? How should we act around her when we are all together? (I ask this because recently it feels like we have all been walking on eggshells around her to avoid getting her upset).

Literally any advice from any perspective can help. I was to be more knowledgeable in this area to be able to help my friend with whatever issues she is going through, and do it correctly.

Thanks in advance 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @juliaw and welcome to the Forums 🙂 

I'm River9, one of the Moderators here. 

It sounds like it has been a difficult time to watch your friend display these new symptoms and it must be very tough to feel as though you are walking on eggshells around her. You are right in saying that we can't assume that what your friend is experiencing is BPD. It would be necessary for a mental health pracitioner to make that diagnosis. However, you have come the right place to learn more about BPD and how you can support your friend!

Firstly, you might like to have a browse of our website, which has Fact Sheets, blogs and additional information on a variety of mental health topics, including BPD - here is the link to the BPD page and here is the link to a blog for concerned friends and family of someone they suspect is experiencing BPD symptoms. There are numerous other links you can explore that are included in these pages to get you started...

I hope that other members who have been in similar situations to yours may be able to provide some more insight into the specific questions you have asked. If you'd like to search for threads that are similar to yours, you can type key words into the 'search' bar of the Carers Forums, for example, 'Borderline Personality Disorder' and have a read through. 

I hope you find the Forums a source of information and support 🙂

Take care,

River9

[Determined]

Hi @juliaw and welcome,

It is great that you are making an effort to find ways to help your friend. 

Some of the information that @Former-Member has linked you to has been quite helpful for me.

I support my wife who lives with BPD, you can read some of our journey here which is around boundary setting in interactions. Quite different with relation to the specific boundaries but the motivations and benefit are the same.

The key motivation and benefit being consistancy in interactions and communication. For our situation, fear of abandonment/ rejection is huge so consistency and clarity of intentions in communication is important, something I have had to learn the hard way and sometimes still fail at.  What I can say from my experience is that 'walking on eggshells' is not in your friends best interests  long term. 

I have many times been recommend the book stop walking on eggshells, I still have not managed to read it yet but am told it is quite good, (I did buy the ebook but the ebook reader from the vendor I used is impossible to easily navigate so I never followed through). 

As far as convincing your friend to seek help, the only thing I can suggest is to gently suggest with some clear options (perhaps research a suitable medical practitioner first?) With a commitment for support through the process. For my darling there have been times when friends have been far more successful at nudging my darling tòwards help than I could ever be so don't underestimate your influence there but ultimatly your friend has to accept that they need some assistance and want to do something about it. 

@Phoenix_Rising and @BlueBay (hope you dont mind me tagging you here) may also be able to add some advice, 

Hope this is of some help, happy to answer any specific questions you may have.