Partner of someone with bpd

[Former-Member]

it's my pleasure @Mylesh, I know things can be a little bit lonely sometimes! 

Firstly, I'm really glad that you recognised it wasn't safe to "contain" when things get to that your partner becomes that heightened. It must have been a hard decision, but I'm really glad you made it ❤️ caring for loved ones needs to be sustainable, and I hope this has helped. 

I really understand about things not working in the moment -- when you've tried so many things it's reasonable to think that! I hope we can find something that does work so you can feel less responsible and your partner has a few most strategies.

Safety Planning is when we can support those we love to come up with a plan for what to do when they are feel SH urges or suicidal ideation (SI) come up. It focuses on letting the person make the decisions and be in control of the plan. We can support them and help them with ideas, but it's all about finding a plan which works for them. When we feel like our urges control us, we feel out of control. So sometimes, by finding small ways of giving decision making back to the person we support, they realise that maybe those urges will have less power over them (with time). The app is also really easy to use and starts with listing "warning sings" so you can use the plan before urges get too strong. 

How does that sound to you?

I reckon have a look at the website or, I don't know if you'd be up for it, but you could call BeyondBlue for some extra info? They also have a web-chat option. Sounds like your Psych also could be a good person to talk to about it? 

[FloatingFeather]

I relate to what you are talking about @Mylesh. My family member who has bipolar also has social phobia. I think this was brought on over the years through people rejecting him for various reasons (e.g. he used to overshare when he first met someone and it could scare people off). I feel for your partner because I can see it through her lense of feeling rejected, which may further compound her pain. 

I can also relate to what you say about being a `support pillar'. In my family I am considered the "backbone" of the family in terms of support and being there for others. I appreciate their faith in me but sometimes I want to pass the `baton' to someone else because I am worn out and need a break. What this has taught me over the years is to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. If you don't say no and stand up for you nobody else will. 

You are going through a really heavy situation at the moment with your partner - self harm and talks about suicide around someone you really care about would be very taxing on you and whilst I'm sure you are doing everything to support and help your partner I would really encourage you to remember yourself in all this too. Could you speak to your GP and get a referral to a counsellor? I think having private sessions with a counsellor would allow you to speak more freely then when you are talking with the your family therapist as I would imagine you would  edit yourself with what you say so you didn't upset your partner.

Sitting with you, 

FloatingFeather

[tired_sisyphus]

Hey @Mylesh, I absolutely hear you. I've been with a loved one with similar struggles since around your current age (that's about 20 years ago now). Abandonment issues, traumatic responses, etc.

What you described there is absolutely abandonment over again. Totally rough. But don't doubt your strength. You obviously care for her a lot and will draw something from that.

All the best.