PTSD disassociation

[Tallula]

Hello 😊 I'm new, so, i hope I'm posting this in the right spot. I live with my mum who has PTSD. It was 4 years ago when she started to regain fragments of her memory of a traumatic event.  Even though it's been 4 years i still struggle personally to see her in a dissacociative state/episode. It has gotten much better since she's started EMDR,  she seems more in control.  Before that during covid lockdown it was getting so bad the usual grounding techniques weren't working and we couldn't get her out of them. She would get stuck reexperiencing the most traumatic moment over and over, shaking and gasping for air..it could go on for hours. I guess I'm just wondering what other people's experiences are with disassociate episodes from ptsd. Tips on caring for loved ones but also how do you deal with it personally?

[Tufftimes]

Hi, I suffer from recurring PTSD, but seemingl not as bad as your dear Mum, just be there for her, let her know she is loved and supported 🙂

[Tallula]

Thank you @Tufftimes  it's scary when i can't get her out of those distressing dissasociative moments but in the end we always do get through. thank you and i hope you are having a good day

---

@Tufftimes wrote:

Hi, I suffer from recurring PTSD, but seemingl not as bad as your dear Mum, just be there for her, let her know she is loved and supported 🙂

---

[chimichanga]

Hi @Tallula. I'm sorry to hear about your mum's struggles. Unfortunately I experience something similar. For me it feels like I am falling down a well. My peripheral sight goes black and diminishes as if you were going further down down down until just a small light remains. It can feel calm, relaxing or sleepy in that state, but you sort of realise you must come out - which is like trying to climb back up to the top of that well. Sometimes you feel close to "coming out of it", just to slip back down again. Sometimes I think I would like someone just to hold my hand or rub my arm just for silent reassurance. Perhaps you have asked your mum what she would like you to do when she dissociates. For me, safely getting me into the car and having someone take me on a drive and just talk to me about normal stuff, even if I don't respond at first, can start to bring me back to the here and now. At the end of the day, just being there physically and speaking very soothingly is important. From this side it is like you know someone is there, but you may not be able to "see" them. Reassure her you are there and she is in a safe place. It's a good thing, a caring thing you are doing for your mum, reaching out to find out how to best help her. Good luck and take care.

[Former-Member]

Hi @chimichanga 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for offer other memebers support and  telling the community a bit about yourself.   I'm sure the forum members will also be able to offer you support, information and connection.

I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

Take care.

Whitehawk

[saltandpepper]

@Tallula Far out. What a responsibility to have weighing on your shoulders. Do you have your own support system in place? Fellow family members you can tag in? A psychologist who you can see for support? It's a huge ask for anyone to deal with what you're dealing with, if you can get a support network for yourself, it will in turn help you to deal with your Mum's episodes as well. I can only imagine how distressing it must be for you to see your Mum in that state. I think taking care of yourself is the best course of action here. If you are able to see a psychologist who specialises in trauma, they will be able to help you navigate your way through this.

Do you think you'd be able to have a conversation with your Mum about what it's like for you to see her in that state? I think it's important she is aware how frightening that can be for you. That awareness might give her a bit more strength to pull herself out of an episode. I have definitely not experienced epsiodes to this degree, and I am still able to focus my attention to the present. And I tell you, nothing pulls me back like the thought of my son witnessing me falling apart. But as I said your mother is experiencing something far more intense than I ever have so perhaps it won't help. Either way, she should still be aware of this, in my opinion. And hopefully having that conversation will lead to you both finding ways to give each other support. You need support through this too, that is so important.

I can't emphasise enough how incredible you are for wanting to help your mother through this. You are an incredible person and you deserve just as much love and care as your mother does.

Please take care

[Inspire]

My trauma is triggered by normal memories that I look more deeply into now that I have time to care for myself- it could be something on a television advertisement or a show that I realise I have had a similar experience. It has its good side- I’m not as dissociated anymore from reality. If I can control the actual process of realising my memories, I’m fine. I just get caught by the sheer number of traumatic memories and it shakes my trust in those people from my past. I’m reclusive, partly to protect myself from others harm. I don’t trust anyone completely- something I can live with. I just want respect to move at my own pace- that’s enough for now. Thank you for allowing me to post, at night I seem to delve more deeply into myself.