Hi Everyone,
I'm new to SANE Australia and found it very helpful in some ways. Here's my story and I would like to hear you if you had the same or similar experience.
My wife and I got together 6 years ago and we have a 4.5yo boy and 11 month old daughter. It is not a long relationship but we had a lot of arguments and fights.
Until very recently, I was taking an MBA class for The Responsible Leadership subject, they talked about Narcissistic leaders and it was the first time I was introduced to this kind of personality. I then didn't even think it would relate to my wife until I have a conversation with a legal support. After I described the reasons I want to separate from her, the legal support just said maybe she's a narcissist. This strikes me straight away and I started digging into more information about NPD. So far what I read sounds like a perfect match for my wife. Now I can understand why she did everything. But even I can understand why she did them, I cannot live with this anymore.
With respect to the separation, my biggest concern is about my children. I knew she won't give up the custody of both children and it will be a difficult argument even in court. Neither I want to keep them completely away from their mother (which I think is a very cruel thing to do). We'll need to negotiate an arrangement for our children.
To me, the best for them is to stay as much time as possible with me. To give you an example, we have been living in separate rooms for 5 months and my 11 months old daughter had been sleeping in my bed since then. My 4.5yo son sleeps in his room next to me. My wife sleeps in the master bedroom at the front of the house. A lot of people showed me their surprised faces when they hear this and asked me why. All I can tell them is that she has lots of excuses that support her own decision and no one can challenge them. I'm sure you all understand that is very typical NPD. They set one rule for you but another one for themselves.
I can still clearly remember that night when my daughter was 5 months old, she woke up about 3am in the morning then I got up cuddled her. She needed a breastfeed which was normal routine. I tried to wake my wife up and asked her to feed our daughter, to my surprise, she refused to do so and told me she was too tired to do, plus she didn't have much of breast milk. I was shocked when I heard that. But what can I say, she said she doesn't have much to feed, how could I know if it is true or not. I got so frustrated and had an argument with her the next day. A month later, I successfully fed my daughter with bottle formula. That was the day I feel relieved and I no longer have to beg my wife to breastfeed my daughter anymore when she doesn't want to get up in the middle of the night. I can get up and feed her with bottles instead. Thank goodness!
My daughter now still sleeps with me and she probably knows dad is very busy at the daytime job, so she sleeps through most of the night and only requires a feed in the early morning. She's an absolutly angle to me. My son also wants me to look after him as my wife regularly yells at him if he doesn't follow her rules or do what she wants him to.
I have no hope in this relationship hence I made a definite decision to end it. I'm already in the process right now but would like to hear your experience regarding the children issue. Please let me know your thoughts if you can understand my frustration and concerns about my children's mental health if they end up living with their narcissistic mum.
Sorry about the long story although this is only a tip of the iceberg.
Thank you for your time and generous help in advance.
I'm glad you have found SANE Australia helpful. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about what you have gone through with your wife. 
I can imagine it must have been quite an eye-opener to learn about Narcissistic personality disorder and to feel like it was a fit with your wife's behaviour; with legal support further supporting your suspicion. It is natural that your biggest concern is your children. It seems like you are a very caring, involved and loving father. I hope a resolution is able to be reached in the smoothest way possible; where you childrens' interests are at the heart of the decision.
