My anxiety triggers my CPTSD suffering SO

[xowx]

And I don't know how to stop it or handle it
any more.

She's utterly burnt out by it, and I don't know what more to do / what more I can do.

I feel like I'm doing what I can to manage my symptoms - I'm taking SSRIs, I'm back in regular therapy, my therapist thinks I'm making really good progress, I'm employing mindful thinking and challenging negative thought patterns when I can, I try to take space when I can't control my symptoms, I keep a journal to help me work through stressful events without having to pick them apart with the people I damage.

But it feels like none of its working, like things just aren't getting better, like no matter what I do they won't get better. I feel like I'm never doing enough, never working hard enough. And while I know that people can't control or choose their triggers, and I do not want to be damaging to people, I feel like I'm doing all I can.

She feels like I don't care, like I don't understand how badly she's doing. She says that if I cared I'd stop hurting her. I do care, and I try so hard all the time to do the right things, to be good, to communicate appropriately. I don't always, and I don't think I even can always.

I dont know what to do, I don't even now why I'm posting this or what I expect to get in reply.

[NikNik]

Hi @xowx

Welcome to the Forums - I'm really glad you found us.

It's really evident how much you care for your partner and how much work you're putting into managing your anxiety.  I'm really sorry to hear that despite all your efforts, you feel like your anxiety is impacting your partner.

Mental health difficulties can have a significant impact on relationships. Have you explored relationship counselling in terms of how your conditions impact on each other and how to manage it together?

It seems like you feel quite responsible for your partners mental health, which is understandable, however we often see here in the Forums, this can have a negative impact on the carers own mental health.

Feelings that sense of responsibility is very common,  @Kiera80 talks about  the responsibility she felt towards her sister's mental health in this discussion .

Finally, you have done such a great job at looking after yourself. I really hope you continue to do so, and not be discouraged.

Again, welcome to the Forums, we hope to 'see' you around the place 🙂

Nik

[NikNik]

hi again @xowx

Have you thought about also checking out the Lived Experience Forum.

It's full of great discussions of how people are looking after themselves and managing their mental health difficulties.

Besides reading about other members, I think you have a lot of great things to share. It sounds like you work really hard on improving your mental health - and I think a lot of members would love to hear about your story. Also - they might be in similar situations to you.

Let me know what you think!

[Former-Member]

Hi @xowx

I read your post and am wondering how things are going now with you and your partner. Are you still seeing your psychologist regularly? 

Looking around at other people's posts, I can see that @Dexica and @mountain have also struggled at times with their partners' illnesses. Maybe you'd find this discussion between them helpful.

I hope things are getting better for you and your partner.

All the best.