How to help a loved one

[littlelemon22]

hello everyone 

I have recently come across SANE and the forum platform and see this as an amazing way to connect with people going through similar experiences. 

I am posting to seek some advice or help for helping my dad who is experiencing severe feelings of emptiness, depression, being alone, and often becomes inconsolable crying and not getting out of bed for days. He is not currently diagnosed with anything but has previously been on medication for anxiety I think. 

He has suffered a traumatic brain injury, divorce, lost his second partner to cancer and feels he has an inability to do anything right. He has recently presented suicidal ideation. He is very angry with life and has lost complete faith in the medical system. This facet of the situation makes taking him to hospital almost out of the question. He doesn’t like telling his story as that brings everything up for him. 

if there is anyone that could provide any advice on where to go from here that would be greatly appreciated. I live in Perth Western Australia so even recommendations for clinics or psychologists. Thank you everyone in advance for taking the time to read this. 

[Former-Member]

Big welcome to the Forums @littlelemon22 😊

I'm so sorry to hear of the struggles your father is facing, and the difficulty that presents for you 💜 I'm wondering if you might find it helpful to reach out to the SANE counsellors for a free and confidential chat? The SANE counselling service also provides support to family, friends and carers of people living with a complex mental health issue so I've no doubt they may be able to point you in the right direction for services in your local area.

In the meantime I'm tagging a few members who might be able to empathise with your situation @littlelemon22 as they have walked similar paths in carer giving:

@Shaz51 @Tinker67 @Shasan @wellwellwellnez @Lola00 @Ford @Tiredness 

Go well today 💛

[Shasan]

Hi @littlelemon22 

Welcome to the forum. I'm a newbie & found this space just a week ago too - I can assure you, you've come to the right place and folks here have been very supportive.

I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad is going through a really difficult and emotional time. I can also empathise with you as my Dad is in a similar place and some of the symptoms sound very familiar. 

The symptoms seem to be in line with depression, especially if it has been 3 or more weeks of feeling this way. From personal experience, it might be really helpful for you to check-in with a psychologist and their support might be very helpful for you at this difficult time too ❤️ They might also be able to suggest ways in which your Dad can be helped. Hope you don't mind the rather personal suggestion.

With depression, we feel like everything has gone wrong for us and can feel very beaten and bruised, hence making us feel really hopeless and like there's no point in trying. Often, focusing on the one action he can take in that moment is helpful to get them out of bed. For example, waking up and sitting up on the bed - nothing else for some time. Then, the next one action. May be drinking some water. Celebrating small actions because they're indeed very hard for a depressed brain.

It's very difficult for you to make him see the positives & he might need speech therapy but I can see why he doesn't want to talk about it. Perhaps, finding the right time and conveying how it would make you feel if he gave it another chance. Eg: I think you're doing your best and I'm really proud of you. I would feel a bit more relieved knowing you have a professional supporting you. It would mean a lot to me if you tried giving it another chance. You're very important to us and we all want you to feel like yourself again ❤️

[Shasan]

@littlelemon22 

Missed adding - I applaud you for finding support to try and help your Dad. I can see hurt, love and worry in your message. You're doing so well and we are all here for you. 

When you get the chance, you might also like to take a look at the section called 'daily check-in' and 'looking after ourselves' at the very bottom of this page that is a great space for carers. 

Wishing both you and your Dad all the best. It's a difficult time but there's hope. 

Take care 

[Shasan]

Hi @littlelemon22 

Thought I'll check-in to see how you've been going? How's your dad feeling this week..

Take care. 🤞