How to Best Support a teenage boy who misses his late Father

[LostAngel]

Hello its Lost Angel Im usually on the other forum but am looking for advice for my 14 year old brother, hes recently had a panic attack and was screaming, crying and shaking in the midst of it also talking about our late dad who passed when he was aged 6 years old, how does not having a father affect a teenage boy as it very much seems to be grief related about things hes bottled up for years, and missing his dad terribly, he has a void thats very hard to fill although he does have an older brother,older male cousins and Uncles its not the same as having his dad there for him especially during the ups and downs of the teen years,any advice would be apprecited thanks 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @LostAngel,

Nice to `see' you on this forum. I am really sorry to read about your brother. I am also sorry to you both about the passing of your father. Going through teenage years can be so challenging at the best of time, I can only imagine how hard it would be not having a parent to walk alongside you through those years. I'm wondering if these feelings are starting to bubble to the surface for your brother now that he is going through puberty and starting to reflect on your father? Maybe he sees his friends with their dads' and is grieving what he doesn't have?

I am much older than your brother but my father passed last year and whilst I was blessed to have him through a lot of my life losing my dad has been so emotionally confronting. While I do have some good male role models in my life we all only get one dad.

I'm wondering because your brother was so young when your father died if he is going through delayed grief? Maybe (now that he is older) the loss of your father is really resonating with him? 

I wish I could give you better / more relevant advice but I think just sitting with your brother, letting him talk and feel/express his emotions, and just letting him know you're there for him would be really beneficial to him. What I learned about grief and loss was there is no way over or under it - the only way to work through grief is to feel it, sit with it, and allow those emotions to come (even though I know they are painful and uncomfortable at times).

Do you have a GP that your brother could speak to? Maybe a grief counsellor would be good for your brother? It might be good for both of you if your brother saw a counsellor - it might help your brother untangle his thoughts and talk with someone that is trained and supportive but is also not emotionally attached. I'm concerned about you as well - how are you coping? It's always hard to see someone you love in pain, and I can imagine when your brother's pain is coming from the loss of your father it is probably triggering you too?

I really do wish you and your brother all the best. Hopefully our lovely and wise forum members can offer some better insight.

Best wishes, 

FloatingFeather

[BPDSurvivor]

Hugs @LostAngel ,

Im sorry to hear about your brother. Sounds like such a tough time. Does he get support from his school?

[LostAngel]

you have offered a lot of Insight thank you @FloatingFeather and @BPDSurvivor weve had a successful doctors appointment and hes been referred to headspace for intake and counselling,hes also expressed wanting to visit his mum in aged care which Ive been trying to contact to arrange visits, yes Im tired a bit emotionally but did have lots of energy today to acheive alot might make a nice dinner tonight and watch more Netflix its been a busy day ,also a big weekend on the way with house hunting and baby sitting my cousins 4month old boy, lots of busyness ahead but also family time heres to keeping upbeat in midst of challenges 

[tyme]

You are doing an amazing job supporting your brother, on top of having your own challenges @LostAngel . He is so lucky to have you.

I hope your brother will be able to access support as soon as possible. There are so many youth now needing mental health support. Also, has he every accessed ReachOut? https://au.reachout.com/

That might give him some insight into what is happening for him.

tyme

[LostAngel]

thank you @tyme I really Appreciate the Support especially at the moment 🙂

[tyme]

You have been through a lot yourself @LostAngel . It is important you feel supported. How has today been for you anyway?

tyme