BPD - my daughter needs help, i cant find it

[ThatRedHeadChik]

I took my 22 year old daughter to a mental health place 2 weeks ago, because if she didnt get help im scared shed end up dead. she has depression and was told a few years ago she most likely has PTSD, but she wouldnt go to see anyone for help. Her life is spiralling out of control, she has shocking anger and rage episodes that frighten me, she has a drug addiction, but she is mixing a cocktail of diffrent things, self harms, and she had told me she just doesnt care anymore, lifs to hard now and shes hhad enough. So at te firs appointment a mental hhealth professional spoke with my daughter, then bot of us together, i told them everything and how extreme her situation is, but they seemed to think it wasnt extreme enough for them to take her on and i should just get a mental health care plan and talk to my gp. I have done all that, but it didnt work, she needs more that just a councillor to talk to. So they booked another appointment for the following week with a psychiatrist, who diagnosed her with BPD. but thats all he told me and booked another appiontment for next week. I dont know if i should go and get the mental health care plan from my gp still, or if they will do it at the next appointment, they gave me no information or any advice as to where things go from here. After reading up on BPD when i got home, its my daughter to a T, but she is to the extreme. I dont know where to get more help or where to go now

[hanami]

Hi there @ThatRedHeadChik 

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for reaching out and sharing the story of your daughter. It must be so difficult when you know that she needs more than what the service she has seen are offering. 

I'll put a couple of links here that take you to organisations that have resources about BPD. See here and here.

I'll also tag @BPDSurvivor who may have some pearls of wisdom to offer you. 

Hope you find care and support here on the forums

Warm wishes

Hanami

[Appleblossom]

@ThatRedHeadChik 

My suggestion is to go to your gp to discuss situation and ask for the mental health care plan.  If the other clinic is prepared to take her on, and your daughter does not need plan, it could be good to support you in your carer role.  They can be flexible, be upfront with gp.

Living with that fear is horrible.  I have experienced it a lot.

There is help out there.  Just have to keep looking and trying.  There are benefits for managing one's own mental health, but it takes motivation, which she seems not to be in that place, at the moment. With a BPD diagnosis it is probable they will take her on, and her outlook may improve. 

Take Care of you too

[ThatRedHeadChik]

Thank you. My daughter thinks she is beyond help and nothing will ep her now. She hasn't even acknowledged that she was just diagnosed with BPD, she wouldn't have a clue what it is. She has told me lately all she feels is anger and rage, and she said she wishes someone could just rewire her brain because it's just constantly going and going and it won't stop, when I asked her what goes on in her brain she said I don't even know anymore. But I don't know it's getting worse because you can't even hold a proper conversation with her, it's like she is ignoring you and just not there, she said it's because of all the stuff that's going on inside her head. She also has a very bad drug addiction and takes prescription pills. She moved out for awhile and wanted to move back home again. I said asking as she follows the rules, and gets professional help then she can, but she wouldn't. So I tried the tuff love approach and wouldn't let her come home, stopped giving her money, she was sleeping from couch to couch, then a few weeks ago I said she could come home, and although she is going to her appointments, it's me that has to make them,and remind her, and I can't get her to follow a basic routine and basic house rules. I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed, it feels like it's all to much

[Paperdaisy]

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing all of this @ThatRedHeadChik no wonder you are exhausted and overwhelmed. What supports do you have for yourself? 

If you would like to speak to a counsellor you are welcome to call the SANE helpline 10am-10pm and they may be able to help you gather your thoughts. It's a lot to process and it's understandable you just want what's best for your child. You don't have to go through this alone and I would agree that getting yourself a MH plan might be a good place to start. Carer gateway may also have some useful resources for you. 

I feel your distress. Wishing you all the best 💝

[Appleblossom]

@ThatRedHeadChik Maybe just getting to appointments with your help is all she can manage at the moment.  I cannot insist on much with my son.  I have made one "rule" that we interact a little each day, even as small as a hi/bye.  If I dont see him in 24 hours I will knock on his door.  Sometimes its great and I get a hug.

Yes I am often yoyoing, on the tuff love, am I too soft, or should I expect more... ???  Then I can whip myself for lack of consistency.  I have found support from carers point of view essential. It is important not to get locked into oppositional dynamic if possible. I hope your daughter's clinic gets on top of her substance abuse issues and works thru meds interactions with her.

Warm Regards

Apple

[Kimb]

Hi
My daughter has BPD
I know what you are going through
I strongly suggest contacting barb@bpdcommunity.com.au
This is a support group for families who support a loved one with BPD this group is amazing
Please contact them for support

[Kimb]

Hi
Also check the website
BPDcommunity.com.au
Thinking of you

[ThatRedHeadChik]

Thank you. My daughter seems to go out late at night, she says she will be home in a few hours and she's gone for 4 days, then comes home and sleeps a full day. It's almost like she can't stand to be alone 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @ThatRedHeadChik,

I am really sorry to read that you and your daughter are going through such a hard time. Watching someone you love go through mental illness can be heartbreaking - I know as a close family member of mine has bipolar (diagnosed 20 years ago) and I am his only support carer. When my family member started showing signs of confusing behaviour we didn't understand what was going on - his behaviour was erratic and frightening at times. Whilst it was very difficult for him and our family getting a diagnosis was good in the sense that at least he/we than had an explanation for what was happening. Along with his psychiatrist, a mental health plan was established and a strong professional team was founded. Eventually they found the right medication to help him and identified some really good coping strategies.  My experience with my family member was that it did take some time to get the right diagnosis, medication, help and plan underway but when they did it really did helped. Twenty years on and he still has a good support plan in place and for the most part is stable. Here is a link to some information on BPD that may help https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/bpd.

I would also really encourage you to get some help for yourself. Being a carer of someone can be a lonely and difficult thing. I remember my family member's psychiatrist asking me what I was doing to take care of myself - I was surprised that he asked me this at the time. I was so busy and concerned about taking care of my family member that I didn't even think that I needed help too. In hindsight I was really burnout and emotionally depleted. Do you have a GP, family or friends that you can talk with and feel safe? 

I wish you and your daughter all the best - I know it's not an easy road to travel but from my experience there is a lot of support and hope. 

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather