Advice on sleep deprivation

[maddison]

Thanks for checking in with me @Former-Member 

Things went fairly smoothly last night, considering circumstances. He didn't need double dose of sedative in the end & was able to calm himself, after single dose.

I am sure that receiving the incredible support & insight from this post yesterday, absolutely contributed to the calm & positive vibes in our household.

I have had so many thoughts running through my mind (maybe too many - that's ok it will calm down in time) mostly regarding what my role is & how to best support him & me. I think it was confronting to realise his current professional care is possibly inadequate.

It certainly provides a possible explanation as to why we keep facing the same issues, regardless of my best efforts. Not to direct blame - the overall situation is blameless. 

I simply cannot express, the impact that being supported on here by both you , @Youareworthy & others, has had. Feeling recognised by @Youareworthy has given me endurance & helped make direction clearer. I feel like I have more patience with my friend, & he responds with so much gratitude & kindness in his overall energy.

My mental health, like anyone's, is not always an A+ ! Generally, I am ok & basically stable. For someone like him, experiencing  mental/emotional stability, or positive mental well-being is a moment by moment war. It is too much for any one person to endure, or support. When I am able to show him greater encouragement, patience, kindness - I know it brings him closer to a place of calm in his mind, that is very rarely experienced. It is difficult to put into words. Your help, kindness provides ripples.

So, with this new(ish) outlook & information, I have been able to make some loose plans about how I want to proceed. 

I began logging sleep/eating details last night. I will also add things like meds, maybe moods & I think importantly, what implementations I have had to provide as means to encourage him towards heath 

I plan to write these details for the next 2 weeks. I haven't let him know I'm doing it yet - it feels a bit intrusive - I will discuss it with him as I get more comfortable. It's not hidden either.

At end of 2 weeks, initially I will go through it with him. My goal being to help provide some awareness. I want to use this 'segway' to begin to discuss his own personal responsibility in maintaining his own health. I expect his immediate response will be all sorts of deflecting. That's ok. I know he's not stupid, & will understand very clearly what I'm saying. The main point is to let it be a subject. I don't need him to magically change overnight (although ...🤔)

Proceeding from there, my next idea is to either make an appt to see his case manager, or/& possibly psychiatrist. I would like to show them the 2 weeks worth of notes, in hopes of giving them better insight into his needs. Explain my concerns that he is being undertreated. Explain that his best chance in this life, is to be provided treatment with the mindset that I should never be factored into, or relied upon as part of his recovery, from a medical perspective, if that is what has been happening. That is very wordy!

I realise that I am definitely going way above & beyond what would be expected of me. I don't feel completely secure that this is correct way to proceed yet. It's a plan. 

It tends to scare me when I get too overly involved like this. However, I know that taking a wobbly step now, might in fact enable me to fly later on, once all the excess weight is able (if it's able) to be released.

Thankyou for reading❤️

I welcome any thoughts or feedback, or objective opinions. I know it's a lot! I'm totally fine with no reply as well.

Sending hugs, positive vibes, pure light !😊 xx

[tyme]

Hugs @maddison - you're such an awesome friend 🙂 

[maddison]

Thankyou @tyme 🙂 hugs for you too xx

[maddison]

Hello @tyme @Youareworthy @Former-Member 

How are you all?

I am a older since we last chatted..A Grand final birthday - I turned 45😱... It's good😊 will take me a moment to get used to it.

I wanted to update my situation. I have returned home now, after being to Officeworks to print photocopies & then hand in around 20 page document to my friend's Mental health care facility.

I printed out 3 copies. 1 for myself, 1 for his case manager & 1 for his treating psychiatrist.

It has been an intense long weekend. I tried to document my friends sleep & diet issues, over period of 5 days. I decided that was sufficient, to give his nurse/dr a general insight. 2 weeks worth would likely be too overwhelming to read. It was also quite draining on me to document.

I included a 3 page Introduction. This outlined my intentions in providing info, such as concerns about him being under-treated & my needs to take a step back as his support person after 10+ (we have known each other for 20) years of being his primary central resource.

I outlined, what I believed were his most significant issues that need to be addressed. I listed 8 things that I think were of significant importance & require more intense professional attention.

I emphasised that this was not about blame & that part of what I wrote was me venting. I added that sharing my perspective was potentially valuable in offering insight as to how things are seen from a 'non-professional' viewpoint.

Lastly, I concluded with 2 pages of Ideas/Implementations. I explained these were merely brainstorming, potential remedies. I mentioned my awareness that its probably impossible to implement all, however if only half could be achieved, it could still potentially improve our lives considerably.

I included ideas, not only for my friend, but for all patients & how their position may be made easier. One of my suggestions, that might of interest was that more peer workers be available & involved in patient care😊 My personal perspective is that peer workers hold a very unique & powerful position - as you probably already know!

On the drive home, I was surprised I started tearing up in the car. It felt like a big mix of emotions. Relief, fear, sadness, strength, letting go.

I haven't ever done anything like this before.

I am intrinsically fearful of questioning & asserting myself with authority. I am frightened my actions will backfire & they will see me as a problem or instigator. I am scared that my friend will incur the consequences of my actions.

I guess, if I sense the tiniest fraction that this is occurring - then I have the option to take my concerns higher..... Or sit back & do nothing!! Change & advocacy is confronting I have found.

If you feel at all proud of my accomplishments, & I think I definitely do - I want you to feel equally, or more proud of yourself for helping me. @tyme @Youareworthy @Former-Member  I would never have been this brave without your help & guidance.

Let's hope my friend can enjoy the rest of his life & not suffer as he has all these years.

It is up to him to make the choice to want more. His support networks are being strengthened.

******.     *******.  *******. *****

I might need a couple of days to reset. I feel good & calm👍 I might not be as active on the forums this week. Then again - the forums can be my safe place.

Thanks for reading & being there for me & my friend. esp @Youareworthy  You sound like the type of person I would love to be friends with too.

[maddison]

@tyme @Former-Member @Youareworthy if anyone has a moment to offer quick honest feedback, I would appreciate it 

I feel like I've done the right thing. I certainly didn't write anything even close to abusive, or even controversial.

When I stated that it was 20 pages - I perhaps should have mentioned it was hand written. If it was typed up, maybe 3 or 4 pages.

I think regardless if people's egos are bruised - communication is important. If they are professional at their job, they would welcome my experience & insight.

Feeling uneasy & curious at the reaction, (from health staff) if any - I'm out of my comfort zone 

Thanks.

[maddison]

I have re-read the document. I believe it is excellent & stand by it 100 percent.

I explained everything to my housemate about what I had been up to & all the important parts I had written down. I let him know that I needed to get all his health concerns out of my head. It is unfair to him & me that he is being treated by me & a Google. I explained that all this information is in the hands of professionals & hopefully🤞 he will get professional treatment.

I looked at him. He was really quiet. The only thing he said was, 'thankyou.'❤️

[Paperdaisy]

How beautiful to be able to help someone you care about @maddison and have that recognition from them 💓 your friend is so lucky to have you. 

[maddison]

Thankyou @Paperdaisy your support & all the other lovely members, has played a critical part & we are both very grateful xx.

[Former-Member]

hey @maddison thank you for tagging me and I would LOVE to give you feedback ❤️ 

Firstly, wow. You are an absolute powerhouse. I can absolutely understand why you need a break because you have advocated for your long-term friend to people where it is REALLY difficult to do that to. I still feel yucky about advocating because, like you, questioning and asserting myself with authority figures is so scary. I agree, you should be super proud of yourself. 

Secondly, I think it's so understandable to that you questioned yourself through this process. The world we live in tells us that our lived experience/peer point of view isn't as valuable. And all of the emotions you felt on the drive home are incredibly understandable given the time, energy and context of the situation. How are you feeling now?

Thirdly, acknowledging in yourself that being a main support person has take it's toll on you, is huge. I imagine some of your feelings might relate to that too? We're here to support you through any changes ❤️ 

I have no constructive feedback at all. And I'm so glad that you stand by what you did. Because it was an enormous effort. I can't wait to keep following along with this for updates ❤️ 

Please take care and rest up! 

[maddison]

Your support is Everything to me right now @Former-Member 

I found all the points you touched on to be helpful, relevant & caring. Thankyou.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my journey. It makes me feel like it's a road trip rather than a solo mission!

I value your enthusiasm, in sitting with me now & looking forwards. 

I was about to write an update, & saw your reply. It must be divine intervention - as I am feeling so glum after today's developments.

My friend's CM texted me first thing this morning, re: my concerns. Her reply to my enormous efforts was very disappointing. It even went as far as suggesting I was to blame, in the few short words she wrote.

Later in the day, I saw her at the clinic as I escorted my friend there. She wouldn't look at me, or say hello.

I could vent on here, about all my feelings, how unprofessional I felt she was, how ultimately sad I am that this is the type of crap my friend has to endure....etc etc...I think it's all been said before though! 

I think the phrase is - I was shocked, but not surprised, or similar.

I think I sensed, that this would be the outcome,  & why I was feeling cautious. Maybe, it explains why I haven't taken these steps before.

Last night, I was so full of hope & believing I had the power to innitiate change. Today, I feel miserable about the reality, that even if other people want change too - they are currently unable to allign themselves in a meaningful way.

One day, I was describing my friends new case manager to my neighbour. My neighbour said, "Oh, she sounds very officious."

I think it describes her perfectly.

POSITIVES 

My hope is not lost. If anything, it is strengthened. This initial reaction has reinforced my sense, that my actions were overdue. This gives me hope that others will see it too & that perceptions can change.

I am yet to see reaction of my friends Psychiatrist. My impression of him is that he is very easy going, & my friend has confirmed this. I don't think I've ever had a one to one conversation with him. I can't be certain, however I think he seems like a genuine good guy. My friend, now has an appt scheduled with his psych, based on things I mentioned in my notes. We are just waiting to find out the date it will be scheduled for. My hope is, that he will see the worth & act upon it.

My friend feels more understood than I think he ever has. He feels a weight has lifted. He is happy that all this information has been passed on to professionals.

Last positive, is that, even though we were kind of ignored by his CM - I feel like our positions are more defined.

Thankyou @Former-Member for mentioning your feelings about advocating with authority figures. It made me feel better.

I think you are also right about recognising the toll things have taken on me, & why I was feeling emotional in accepting that - & how I am showing more kindness to myself now.

It was great to read about our shared views & how the world isn't educated to see non- professionals as equally important counterparts. Wow! I really needed to read that.

I know I can be an idealist. I am who I am. I'm learning to be more realistic. It's not good to go through disappointment all the time. It sux to think, that I have to change, to fit in to this world. I don't want to. Who I am, feels bigger than me. At times, I feel like I'm being led.... Like seeing your post now!💜

We have one last GP appt tomorrow re: untreated health problem.

*He had attended GP by himself last week, seeking medical attention. He was given short term script for pain killers & sent away. I don't think he knew how to express himself & GP clearly couldn't be bothered. I need to go with him tomorrow, to ensure the issue is properly investigated & treatment provided.

After that, I plan to do nothing! For at least a few days. Unless it is an emergency, I'm going to be practicing how good I can be at saying 'no' 😊 & give myself time out to rest & catch up on my tv shows, I think.

xx