Topic Tuesday // Staying safe while supporting others // April 18, 7pm AEST

[NikNik]

What I'm hearing is that a few people are worried about what they are writing to people - whether it's helpful or not. I think that's an interesting question, and something that we could run a whole Topic Tuesday on. We might touch on that a little tonight, but it won't be the main focus.

[Heathcliff]

My situation is the opposite. I often have to listen and respond to my husband for hours and hours as he talks through his anxiety and panic issues. So it's not about not getting a reply, it's complete overload, as he's very obsessive and wants to talk for hours.

[Spookytookims]

@NikNik  I think the key to self care is recognising which of those glasses you used in your analogy is getting low, and top them up before the level gets into the danger zone.

Therefore self awareness is an important key.

[Zoe7]

Also alienating others or oneself when boundaries are crossed or you are overwhelmed by posts.

Self-care for me has become stepping away from the conversation and taking care of my own needs first.

Also - limiting my responses, liking posts without responding with a post myself, having a small group of 'supports' that know me best and can help me as well as me helping them, reading the situation and being able to judge when someone is getting adequeate support from someone else and then stepping aside myself.

[Nevyn134]

I feel quite often that I have to tiptoe around my housemate/boyfriend for fear of upsetting them and triggering a depressive spiral that gets to the point of them thinking they are utterly worthless/not a real person.

[Ariel]

Not being able to share the gravity of what you are going through as a carer because you need to protect the trust of the one you are caring for - as they are ashamed to let others know. It is very lonely because I need to keep so much to myself.

[Heathcliff]

Agreed. No-one wants to hear me complaining all the time about how bad it actually is.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@NikNik I have found it super helpful instigating my Forum curfew. After initially having to work super hard at that, I now find that I'm ok going a few days without getting on the forums at all. I find that when I do jump on here, I tend to stay for quite a while, and I've figured out that it is better to appear less frequently, but then to spend a bit of time here when I do appear.

I've also found that before responding to a new thread, I stop and think about whether I really have it in me to support that person in their muddle. If I decide that I do want to engage, I find that I can do so in a way that doesn't cause me angst. If I don't feel I have the energy to engage, I remind myself that there are a bazillion other people in Forum Land and I don't HAVE to engage with everyone who is struggling.

I've found that this self care stuff means that I can be fully present when on the forum and also fully leave it behind when I'm not online.

[CheerBear]

Self-care for me means allowing myself space and time to do what feels right for me at that moment, trying not to be too critical of myself while I do.

I have a list, which used to be a physical list and is now more of a collection of ideas, of things I know I can do or go-to if I am feeling a certain way to take care of myself.

As @Spookytookims said, trying to maintain a level of self-awareness so I can recognise what's happening within myself

[NikNik]

That must be exhausting @Nevyn134