Topic Tuesday // Sexuality and intimacy // Tues 24 July, 7pm AEDT

[Tarnia]

I wasn't interested in sex before the medication and I guess it's obviously not getting better.<br>But of course my husband is very insistent at times and its pressure.<br>I know it helps him with his issues but the feeling of helping him more than myself cheapens the experience.

[Former-Member]

And that's this essential dilemma @Morticia   It's incredibly important to look after your health and to keep to any strategy that helpful.  But when your health or strategies impact on a relationship negatively, or stop you from contemplating one, then we've all taken a giant step backwards.  Because a good relationship is protective of your health.  It's a painful irony and one that we need to be helping people with.

So often these issues don't even make it into the counselling room or Psychiatrist's office because people have to prioritise.  If you're feeling suicidal, do you choose that focus on sex during your session?  So it tends to be neglected but it deserve more focus.

[Former-Member]

Thanks for joining us @Tarnia.  I read quite a few responses where people put their partners needs before their own.  But there were lots of negotiations too.  Agreements made about when and what that made it more satisfactory for both.  It's a tricky thing to communicate about though, isn't it?

[Morticia]

I'm out ..triggers galore now

[Shaz51]

Yes @Tarnia, @Former-Member, , I have put my partner needs before my own needs 

[Former-Member]

No, @Morticia I was saying that you need to choose what you bring into the counselling room.  And if you are feeling despairing and at risk of suicide, then you're unlikely to decide to focus the session on your lack of sex drive.  This is particularly true when some people only get the 6 or 10 medicare sessions. 

Sorry if I didn't express that well. I just meant that people need to prioritise and that sex often misses out.

[Former-Member]

I am not overly  demanding @Former-Member but when Mr D came home after an attempt I was hornier than a rhino at the start of mating season 😀 so when Mr D could not perform it was quite upsetting for both of us.😬

Commitment is a key for me, as a carer doing things that build Mr D's confidence are necessary, little touches here, sexy pet names but most importantly he knows that he has equal standing in our relationship and he is not 'less than' because he has a mental health condition.  Understanding that giving of ourselves to each other in intimacy is an important part of our relationship.

Understanding too when he is not so well he will not be loving but as he picks up he will engage more in intimacy.

[Morticia]

Oh..very sorry for misreading that. 

[outlander]

@Former-Member lol you made me spit out my tea with that comment!

[Former-Member]

Hi @notmeanymore, welcome to the conversation.  I think I may have answered when responding to Tarnia without realising that you'd already raised this issue.  I think that mismatched desire is a very common problem in relationships.  But I can see that the stakes feel higher within your own relationship where your partners health can be affected. 

Forum members may have some ideas but from the research there were a few different approaches.  Most involved some form of negotiation so that it didn't feel as if one partner's needs always superseded the others.  They achieved more of a balance.  Has that been the case for the two of you at times?