Ask Anything Monday!

[Appleblossom]

I think the previous comments are good. 

I also think your idea of starting something new could be good too ... maybe you can find a way to celebrate with the family but also put your own personal stamp on what you want to do for it ... part of that may include some symbolic act for your father ... lighting candle, being with a photo .. or special positive memory ... but also change is part of life and can be good to be proactive. The other family members may or may not come on board with it or it could just be a private thing ...

[NP0094]

When I shared with a boyfriend I was going into hospital for a while to be treated for depression. He declared he was surprised and hadn't seen it coming but he coudn't deal with it. So don't wait until you have to 'come clean' becaues the love and support you hope for may not be forthcoming. 

[NikNik]

Happy New Year!

Thank you @Former-Member , @Appleblossom and @NP0094 for your responses to previous Ask Anything Monday questions.

Here is the first AAM for 2016!

Hi AAM,

My questions is: Are there any online dating sites out there that cater to people with mental ill-health, who live in Australia.
To be clear, I am asking about dating websites with a view to helping MI people form genuine romantic companionship and relationships, not just hook-up / one-night-stand scenarios.

Any recommendations about this would be greatly appreciated.

[coffeegirl]

Hi there,

What an interesting question! I'd be curious to know why you are keen to only use dating sites which are for people with mental illness - I'm guessing it's because it makes it easier disclosing your own MI, potentially more understanding than someone without MI and also perhaps having a MI (and all that goes with it) provides some common ground?

There is one site, which is based in the US, but covers other countries, called No Longer Lonely. I haven't used it before, so be sure to check it out thoroughly and make sure it's legit.

In my experience, just because someone else has a MI doesn't automatically mean it's going to be any easier. There are still typical relationship issues that happen - good and bad.

With 1 in 5 experiencing a mental health difficulty at some point in their lives, I would put money on many people on general dating sites having some sort of experience too.

We are much more than just our mental illnesses 🙂 I hope you keep that in mind.

[CherryBomb]

Hi there,

You might be interested in the post about Romantic Relationship and Mental Illness started by @Ilovewater.  There's some wonderful insights and advice offered by @chibam @VinegarTom and @Tight-Control to name a few. 

I think @coffeegirl raised a great point that just because someone has a MI doesn't mean it will make it any easier. Though I understand how tough it can be opening up about your MI to others who don't get in. 

Someone on here said that there will be people who are curious and will want to learn more, others will run away. I think if someone is willing to learn and stick by you, then perhaps it doesn't matter so much if they have a MI.

CherryBomb

[NikNik]

Happy Monday all!

Thanks @coffeegirl and @CherryBomb for your feedback last week. This week's question:

Social anxiety is very difficult to deal with. Many times I cannot figure out what to say fast enough and then the conversation moves to a different subject. I have a very hard time talking about subjects for a long period of time. And people think I am quiet and shy. I think its an issue of the chicken or the egg thing. I cannot figure out what to say fast enough, which causes me to be anxious, and then I end up trying to figure out how to act and become more introverted.

- is it because I have nothing to say or in common?
- is it because my brain is just slower?
- is it my personality?
- is it my physical appearance?
- is it my childhood?

[Jacques]

hi all,

as most of you know i suffer from social anxiety too, i find that it has a close correlation to sexual dysfunction, you become anxious before the event and it ruins the experience. i find this it the same with social anxiety, my mind starts racing so fast that i lose track of the conversation or fear i am going to say or do something stupid, so by the time my brain processes all the possible answers to a question the conversation has moved on, i don't think it has to do with your personality or you physical appearance, some shallow people do go on appearances, but it is possible you and many of us where not taught social interaction properly when we where in pre-school, and by our parents.

I have not yet found a suitable way of dealing with people or interacting with them, but my advice would be maybe start with smaller crowds then build up, try one-on-one conversations until you get comfortable then 2 people and so on.  

maybe even try talking to yourself in the mirror, that way you are alone (so you don't get embarrased) and write a set of questions or get them from the internet and have a full conversation, it may help desensitise your fear of social groups.

good luck and take care.

Jacques

[Billamba]

I have social anxiety and have found as much as I hate going to events its really important for me to push through and still go. Sometimes all I do is nod along and listen and answer questions specificaly directed at me, other times I will try to engage. Im much better if the topic is something I am knowledgable about. 

I certainly dont think its your physical appearance or your personality. Im sure you are a lovely person. Its probably a combination of things, maybe you were bullied during your childhood, maybe you were abused during your childhood, maybe its just how you are wired. I do believe there is some genetic influence to alot of mental health issues - to what extent Im not sure but certainly it does seem to run in some families. I also dont think your brain is slower or its because you have nothing to say, unfortunaty its just anxiety doing it to you. 

I wonder how you go with one on one conversations. 

I like Jacques suggestions. My major bit of advice would be not to avoid socialising as that only increases anxiety for the next event/social situation. Ive also found antidepressents have helped me with my anxiety and depression. 

Take care ((hugs))

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

Thanks to @Billamba and @Jacques for your responses last week. Very insightful.

This week's question:

In 2 weeks time I start a Gradual return to Work program after spending most of last year on sick leave i am starting 2 stress about it what can I do?

[BamBam]

Take it slow/easy, I felt a lot of anxiety and depression at first but after a few months you will have a routine.

Go to bed and get up at the same times.

Keep track of whether you are doing what they pay you to do.

Above all keep yourself grounded by the facts, don't be oversensitive.