Little t vs big T trauma

[MJG017]

Thanks @Fredd50, it's never easy but we kind of get used to after long enough.

Honestly, i think the effects of these traumas never really go away.  We just learn to control the responses to it more and more.  With things that trigger them, we'll always feel that slight discomfort (at best) but hopefully we can gain enough control to get them to that level eventually.  Part of the healing in getting to that position is finding supportive people who understand enough to make us feel validated.  Until that happens, we'll probably just go on blaming ourselves and improvement will fell a lot more difficult, if even possible.

I've been involved in quite a few support groups over the past 18 months.  Mental health, physical health, adoption, and one thing that is common to all of them is the first thing new people say is the same thing i said (or thought) when I first joined them... "Finally!  Someone understands what i'm going through!"

[Glisten]

@Patches59 big HUGS 🫂 What happened to you was horrible. You did not deserve that.

[avant-garde]

@MJG017 

That's what I felt like when I finally posted here, people get me now. I feel validated, heard, supported and like someone actually cares and knows how to because they know how not to.

I think @Glisten has it right, that it's a trigger of trauma rather than trauma itself.

[Glisten]

💯 % @Fredd50 I would suggest that Invalidation is abuse.

@avant-garde @MJG017 @Patches59 @The-red-centaur Has anyone else ever experienced being told how they feel?

It is one of the most arrogant, self righteous and belittling experiences you can have.

The thing about big T trauma is that you don’t know what the trigger will be.

I was at my granddaughter’s dance recital, intermission sitting with my daughter. Looked at the floor, guy wearing the same shoes as my ex.

My daughter’s voice gets distant, as I get propelled into the past dropping back into my body in a succession of snapshots of him a those shoes.

Then I hear “Mom. Mommy.” and I’m back with my daughter again.

[avant-garde]

@Glisten 

Yeah, I had a person in my life who wanted to send me to a remote rehab program after having been abused at my previous rehab, she often told me how I felt and it just infuriated me.

Last night I let loose on someone I care about because he seemed to expect me to have "a peaceful Sunday" after seeing one of my more recent abusers (Delilah) at church. I basically told him that you've got to be kidding me.

[Glisten]

@avant-garde you’re being too hard on yourself. Your response to the  dunnerhead that you care about, was reasonable and valid.

[Appleblossom]

What a great conversation.

thanks everyone 

@avant-garde @Patches59 @Fredd50 @MJG017 @Glisten 

yes our use of language matters heaps.  I shift in trying to be accurate to worrying that I am too detached and clinical sounding…. One of many works in progress 

I tend to use the term “traumaload” to open the field a bit.

I loved the examples.

often the small t can trigger the feeling of the big t

so it all gets conflated 

[Just]

That was very moving. It seems to me because a lot of people haven't walked in your shoes. It's easier for them to dismiss your pain. But call it what it is. Educating others seems to be what the majority of people who know true trauma need to do. Not only to help others understand but if done in a caring way. Can also give the teller some relief, in that they share and it lessons the burden. Of course it has to be in a safe environment. I would like to think if a church is truely a place of God and do gooders.@avant-garde @avant-garde