Acceptance is hard work

[NightFury]

@AuntGlow my options are feeling limited and I don't know if I trust myself to make the right decision for myself. Actually, I'm pretty sure I don't trust myself to make those decisions. 

Someone Health would work. I already have a referral for them. I've had one session with a Psych from Someone Health. I would just need to look into their options for OCD.

Maybe a matching session would also work. Maybe I could stumble upon someone who could help support me with my OCD and skills and strategies to help manage it. 

[AuntGlow]

If it's any consolation, I actually have the utmost faith in you to make the right decisions. I am sensing you may need some space to feel what you're feeling first... could you journal at all? Even just your one sentence? @NightFury 

This is good to know! How did that session feel for you?

I think you absolutely could. Is this something you'd feel okay asking around for? 🫶

[NightFury]

I don't know what I feel @AuntGlow it just feels like a big emotional block and I don't know why. Yes, as I've discussed with Jynx, there's an element of overwhelm which triggers shut down. Initially my reaction was..."What? I have to do this myself? I don't know how to do any of this...I don't know what I'm doing. There are too many steps. I'm not." 

But also...there's an emotional reaction to and I don't understand it. When I read your reply about taking space to feel what I'm feeling and journalling about it, I got teary and my throat closed up like I'm going to cry. I'll try to journal it out tomorrow. 

My session with the Psych from Some One Health was very...hard hitting. But he wasn't quite the right approach for me. I need someone gentler. At least, I learnt that. 

I think that might be the way to go. I think, with the uncertainty around my new work hours and so forth, something telehealth might be the best place to start. 

But saying that, I can try and see how asking around feels? That's all I can do...is try. 

[Flutterbug9]

@AuntGlow @Snowie 

Journalling related

Ive got so much on my mind that I can’t talk about on the forums.  Thoughts and emotions I want to try to get out.

I’ve only had 2 appointments with new psychologist, next appointment in about 5 weeks time.  Referral sent to psychiatrist about 3rd week of December by GP, waiting to see if am accepted onto her caseload.

is journaling something that might be something for me to try?  Any tips or suggestions?  Any recommended websites that I can read regarding journaling?

[AuntGlow]

I understand what you mean, my brain can do the same. @NightFury 💛

It happens a lot when I feel like there's a big decision or too much pressure and fear of failure... maybe a question you could ask yourself (as an experiment) is "What would I choose if I knew I couldn't get it wrong and it would all work out in my favour?"

You're allowed to have big emotions and you're allowed to cry. I know this is a lot and your reactions make sense. I would love to hear more about your journaling when you have explored it. 🥰

This is really good information to have and know about yourself. 

Absolutely, all you can do is try. And you know what? You're allowed to try, and learn, and try again, and grow, and try again, and even fail! ... and try again. Some experiences are painful and can be unfair or unjust, but some also lead us to where we need to be. Like your experience with the first online psychologist - it wasn't right for you, but you learned what is. 🫶

[AuntGlow]

It sounds like journaling would be a really wonderful and safe space for you to process your feelings and experiences @Flutterbug9 🫶

How have your appointments felt so far? Last I remember, it went really well!

Here is a great article that explains journaling, different journaling types, and provides prompts: 

https://www.mindmypeelings.com/blog/journaling-mental-health

I can also recommend The Holistic Psychologist's Future-Self Journaling guide, which helps to work with neuroplasticity and conscious rewiring!

https://theholisticpsychologist.com/free-resources/future-self-journal/

Let me know how you go. 💖

@NightFury @Shaz51 @Cuddlebear @AlwaysMyself @creative_writer @Captain24 @MissGremlin @avant-garde tagging you too, in case you're interested! 

[Snowie]

Hi @Flutterbug9 

I find journaling helps with getting emotions/thoughts out of my head. A lot I can't share on here because of guidelines, which I know have to be in place. The last thing I want to do it upset or traumatize someone else.

I do journaling a few different ways. I have a specific journal that I write it in most of the time. I don't follow any certain instructions, I just let it all come out. Sometimes it's on a specific topic, other times it's all jumbled up. Sometimes I might read back what I've written in the next day or two, but often will just turn the page and start anew.

The other way I journal is getting a blank piece of paper and writing down all my thoughts. Some of it includes suicidal and self harm thoughts. It can include my deepest, darkest thoughts. Some I am too scared to even talk to my psych or pdoc about.

After I've written it all down, I will get the piece of paper and normally rip it up. Rip it into lots of tiny pieces and throw it away. It can feel like a weight has lifted from me. 

So that's how I journal. I will say that it doesn't always work. It's not a magical cure, but it can help. For me it's just another thing to add to my tool box.

I hope you find this useful. If you have any other questions about journaling, I am happy to help.

[Flutterbug9]

Thanks @Snowie 

much appreciated

[liminalzest]

Hey @Snowie,

I really love that you’re journaling those tough thoughts and then letting them go - it’s such a powerful way to take care of yourself. That shows so much strength and self-awareness.

If you ever feel comfortable, sharing some of those thoughts with your practitioner could be another great step forward.

And just to remember, if things ever feel overwhelming, Lifeline is always there on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, or call 000 if there’s any immediate danger.

I encourage you to keep connecting with your peers on the forum and leaning into the community - you’re not alone in this, and every step you take is moving you closer to feeling better. You’re doing something amazing for yourself, and there’s real hope ahead.

Thank you,

liminalzest

[Snowie]

Thanks for the support @liminalzest 

I have let my psych read certain parts of my journal. Sometimes I can't say it out loud so show her so she knows what I'm thinking/feeling. Mostly, it's just for my eyes.