Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shimmer]

@Former-Member okay so it sounds like dieting, vomiting and excessive exercise are coping strategies you use when distressed, especially when you are having flashbacks at the moment.

It's good that you have noticed that it is becoming more frequent and are keen to do something about it.

You mentioned you have been facing these issues with eating over many years, somewhat periodically. I was wondering, are there times where you felt you were managing them better? If so, what helped? Perhaps strategies you found useful in the past could be a good basis for tackling these issues again now!

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes @Building_Hope I think that is really the page we are on .....

It has been about five years now, and we are all really tired, but we have worked out an uneasy balance that is helping us to continue functioning.  It's certainly been a steep learning curve !

The times he goes away are a respite.

We enjoy the family times that we do still have, such as going to the movies sometimes.

We try to show him love and respect as much as possible, around his controlling behaviours and temperamental blow-ups, and we are getting by ......

Its good to hear others asking for advice, and the success stories like your daughter.

❤️

[Shimmer]

@Former-Member, a couple of key things to consider are whether it is causing distress or problems with health, relationships or functioning in daily life (e.g. at work).

In terms of gaining further insight about what to look out for, perhaps you would find it useful to have a look at Eating Disorders Victoria's factsheets or this website "How far is too far", which gives information on risk factors and warning signs related to eating, exercise and body image. Hope this helps!

[Shimmer]

@Faith-and-Hope's description of what her family is facing at the moment got me wondering how carers can look after themselves and maintain hope through difficult times? @Building_Hope, do you have any suggestions to share? Or do others?

Also everyone, we have 20 minutes left before the discussion ends, so please ask any final questions now!

[Building_Hope]

You sound like you have a great attitude @Faith-and-Hope. We really tried hard to bring back JOY into our lives. It sounds like you love him very much and will continue to support him. We decided to make a list of 5 things a week that would make us happy to achieve them. Movies, go to the beach, a drive down the coast, go to the city or even a night away. 

Good luck!

[Building_Hope]

Thanks @Shimmer. Great question for those caring for others. Have you actually asked yourself "How am I?" "What do I need to keep going" As parents we try to lead by example, this is even more relevant with what we face caring for someone with an eating disorder. I needed to surround myself with a great GP, physcologist and support group. I needed to be around other people that understood. It was up to me to educate family and friends on my daughters needs to get her well. Faith, Fresh air, healthy food, good sleep and great friendships....things we all take for granted. 

[Shimmer]

Ooh I love the sound of bringing joy back into life @Building_Hope! Family time doing enjoyable activities together regularly sounds great. It's so important to highlight positives even through the dark times, as it can give glimmers of hope for the future 

Wonderful recommendations about looking after ourselves as carers too - it is easy to forget our own needs while looking after others, but we need nurturing ourselves through tough times! Checking in with ourselves, taking care of our daily needs, enjoyable activities and making sure we have our own supports are great ideas!

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and support with us tonight @Building_Hope, you have provided wonderful inspiration and guidance for our members!

Topic Tuesday is now closed, thank you everyone for contributing to a great discussion! 

For further support and information for carers around eating disorders, you can contact Eating Disorders Victoria here

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Building_Hope

Its faith and hope that keeps us all going around him, and a refusal to allow this thing to steal our future and all our joy ......

[Building_Hope]

Thanks for the invitiation to participate @Shimmer.

I wish you all Courage, Happiness and Hope.