just struggling

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mazarita

Glad to hear things are improving, hopefully the depression will lift more for you with more time. I take an anti depressent and I was taking an anti psychotic but it was really used against me in the criminal court trial against my ex. they basically said anyone who was taking that drug must be severely mentally ill and that a person like that would be capable of making up the 'stories of domestic violence'. They went over and over it being an anti psychotic and asked me to read out the medication guidelines and what it can be prescribed for. So i stopped taking it, but my sleep has been terrible since then and slowly everything else has gotten worse, but im not sure if its that im not taking that any more of it things have just been getting harder in all ways anyway?! not sure. the psychiatrist said that i wasnt on it for the anti psychotic side of it but more as an adjunct to the anti depressent but all goes over my head a bit!

How long is your partner away for? Can you have a friend come over for an evening or something to help ease the loneliness? i dont have many friends and none near where i live now so i understand the loneliness unfortunately! at least we have the forums! 🙂

LJ

[Mazarita]

@Former-Member. Yes, it's the same for me with the anti-psychotic - it's an adjunct at small dose to the main medication treatment. But what you say about the court case and meds, I understand your reluctance. On a different note, what you say on the 365 thread about continuing to look for the positive is inspiring. I think my mental outlook has improved since I've been on the forum. Thanks to everyone here.  Partner is coming back Friday, just not used to being completely alone, though I did live years solo or in share arrangements earlier in my life. I've seen a good friend nearby a couple of times this week so really shouldn't be complaining. Like you with your new course, I'm looking for something meaningful in my life that I might be able to sustain. 

[Appleblossom]

Its nice to see you both chatting ...while you are discussing meds

I had an atack of shaking for a while today.  I was digging in the garden but couldnt stop my leg from going so in the end went in had a lie down ... am worried that all the extra meds are bad for my motivation ... I am slowing right down but just on AD and dropped it down to one hypnotic ... maybe they dont want to give me mood stabilisers cos of my liver ... ?? from what I have been dealing with emotionally I am right up there with symptoms .. will see new GP in a month again ..

[Mazarita]

Hi @Appleblossom. Glad to hear you have found a new GP for a soonish appointment. Sorry about your shaking. It could be medication related. I had a very strange response with sluggish speech when I upped the dose of my anti-psychotic about a year ago. My doctor pulled it back down quick smart and that part of the medication seems to have been fine since. I understand the issues with liver and mood stabilisers but these things are often considerations with physical medications too. Which is the best option is not always clear for therapist or patient.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for just talking about it ..

its been so hard to meet people who can actually talk about these things RATIONALLY without them freaking out as if my family or I are aliens... so I just deal with shocking symptoms quietly alone.

[Appleblossom]

Do you mind when your speech slurred, how long was it before you could speak about it to your doctor?

[Mazarita]

With the slurred speech, I think I probably waited less than a month before I saw my doctor about it. I wasn't extremely worried about the wait because my partner said he really couldn't notice it. But I just knew it was happening, even if only subtly. My tongue felt thick and hard to manoeuvre and kind of clumsy. On the other hand, if symptoms are bothering you too much between appointments perhaps it's a good idea to try to move the appointment forward if possible.

I also understand stigma within and about family. There are various mental health diagnoses in parts of my extended family. I don't have a lot of contact, partly because we are spread widely around Australia, but when I do get to see cousins, aunts, uncles etc I am very pleased. I feel a bit of stigma as a family 'weirdo' in one part of my family. But there's probably some paranoia thrown in there, as well as a tendency to isolate myself from an early age. As you've suggested before, all our early experiences feed into who we are now, whether diagnosed with mental illness or not. Thanks for being around to chat about these things, @Appleblossom and @Former-Member.

[Former-Member]

It is good to be able to talk about these things, because... its a big part of life for lots of people with MI and i think even for myself, i carry that kind of stigma myself about it being terrible to need medication to 'be normal' or whatever... being able to talk about it in a rational way does help to feel like you're not alone in that aspect of it as well. 

I guess im kind of lucky in being alone (no family etc) in that way because i dont have anyone im close enough to to really need to talk about myself to and definitely not meds! 

I've had some muscle twitches lately that have been bugging me, that i wanted to bringup with the psychiatrist but not sure if its just overtiredness or meds! but its the least of the things im worried about at the moment really. i'd better add it to my questions list while ir emember though or i'll never ask!

I hope you get into see the new dr soon @Appleblossom

LJ

[Appleblossom]

Its ok @Mazarita I dont feel extremely worried about symptoms .. its just that I always wait ...months, years, decades for things to happen.  I appreciate timely back and forth responses.. trying to get an idea of what is "normal".

Mum was the oldest of 9. I thought I had 2 aunts who were my friends and we had been on a quite a few family holidays with their kids and mine, but that was my youthful naivete and idealism. Two many old feuds.  Overall mother's family were not close. We were viewed as the poor relations, the disgrace, the fools, the nuisances. Not that we begged or were rude. I paid my share of board and bills. The children (now grown) of the aunts were polite to me at mum's funeral last December .. but I no longer expect much contact...

that is related to my waiting .. and asking how long is a reasonable time to get help about a symptom ..

Dont think I was naughty and into dope.and stole from my conservative generous rellies ..... as both the aunts and their spouses of the time were into it  .. i never really sought out dope for me as it made me too paranoid .. I just accepted it as part of my culture ... but they are now trying to pretend that they are "professionals" and paragons of virtue to new internet husbands...

It is simpler now at least I dont have to be responsible for everybody... just my son and I ... and daughters if they come seeking a good relationship .. they are fine atm

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom,

The muscle twitches are from the medication, i get them really bad and i also get restless leg syndrome, so don't get too concerned, all these medications have some bad side effects.

I hope your son had a nice birthday, sounds like a party i would like to be at, it is so nice to hear others are not into alcohol too, all my family and the town i live in is all into alcohol and if you are not you are weird.

Sometimes mother father and children are all you need @Appleblossom, my mother, father and me were so close, no one else mattered to us, we only needed each other, my extended family has the elitist attitude too, it is so annoying, i am not proud of being poor, but i am not ashamed either.

Try to allow your family to come to you when they are ready, their is no point forcing the issue, most of my family will not speak to me now because i pushed them away, none of them understand what i am going through, that is why these forums are so important to me. this is all i have, you and all the others are all i have.

Sorry this is so long @Appleblossom, take care, enjoy the simple things.

Jacques