Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[SJT63]

@JM2022 

just for another perspective.. I'm a hetero female who has male friends.

I have a couple of extremely close hetero male friends whom I've know for decades. I've been in and out of romantic relationships (as have they) and they have still been my friends. We have never been more than friends.

I just wanted to add my perspective because I've noticed a few people saying it's not possible 

[AussieRecharger]

@JM2022 

Mate, I think she loves you and is being very honest with you... It would be very easy at this point for jealousy to stuff it up and blame her for having needs that you don't fulfil.

Does this situation present you with some unique opportunities? Can you also take some time to work on yourself.  What is it that your wife loves about you, and is there a way you can strengthen that bond rather than focusing on the other dude?

[LiveInHope1]

Hi @JM2022 .

I'm sorry you are going through this. You come across as being very level-headed, given the circumstances, but the fact that it's caused you to become depressed really means you need to take some action, I think.

First off, I'm a female, and I've had good male friends. It's definitely possible to stay friends if there is no attraction, but the fact they are attracted to each other is a big problem. 

"She has told me that they do have feeling for each other, they have discussed this in detail and have vowed not to act on it.  They recognise that it is natural that and two people spending this amount of time with each other are bound to develop feelings, however its whether they act on it or not that counts."

I also totally disagree with her idea that it's natural for two people to develop feelings for each other if they spend a lot of time together. I would suggest that it's quite the reverse, and that two people are spending a lot of time together BECAUSE they have feelings for each other to start with. 

What really makes it hard is that you have kids. My suggestion is to get some marriage counselling with her. I think you need an objective person involved. 

Re: the fact that you say you are an unemotional person, maybe you will need to be more emotional, or at least to show your emotions towards her more. If she is happy in the marriage, I think she is less likely to be looking elsewhere for what she thinks she isn't getting in the marriage.

Best of luck. Hope everything works out well in the long run. 🤞 Keep us posted. 

@LiveInHope1