This Should Be The Most Joyous Time Of My Life

[LJE]

I'd had quite a good sleep up until then, @CheerBear! I woke about 6 and couldn't get back to sleep so I did 20 mins of deep breathing and listened to some meditation music (have never done this in 38 years on the planet but trying anything since finding out about the pregnancy). Calmed down a little but still feel unsettled? Nightmares like this are rare for me. I dream lots but nightmares about specific things are outside my normal scope... I have to believe it's just the excessive worry that's triggered it - because it's something we want so badly. My husband is great, supportive and very positive... I don't think he can truly understand why I'm in this state though!! 😬

[CheerBear]

I find I can feel pretty unsettled after nightmares too @LJE, even though I can usually calm or ground myself straight after them. It can be like a lingering feeling of yuck and awful (if that makes sense).

From memory, vivid or unusual dreams can happen more during pregnancy and on top of that, the big worry and anxiety you're experiencing wouldn't be helping. You did really well to reach for meditation music and some deep breathing ❤

This might sound not so great but, as much as some men can be super supportive and caring, I'm not sure if they can have the same depth of understanding about what it can be like. It can be so powerfully consuming.

Do you have much on today? Perhaps a slow and gentle day is in order if you can. I need a bit more of a slow start following a big nightmare night.

[LJE]

Hi again @CheerBear! I just spent an hour on the phone with a lovely lady from PANDA (the peri-natal depression and anxiety hotline) and she was brilliant but I think you're right. I think I'm just going to breathe, maybe build some lego, have a nap (which happens mid afternoon regardless at the moment! haha) and just have a day of distraction. 

I ordered some beauty face masks that have just arrived so maybe some pampering too? 

I honestly wish i could just be placed in a light coma for the next 7.5 months... haha.

Thank you again for such wonderful advice!

How are you travelling today?? Are you coping ok with everything? ❤

[CheerBear]

I wrote up a post to this before I went in to a counselling appointment (online) but lost it @LJE. Frustrating when that happens!

So glad you found talking with PANDA helpful 🙂 Great timing after the hard start to your day. Your plans for today sound super. What are you building from lego? Yay for pampering too. And naps!

I totally get why you'd want this next 7.5 months to go by. Maybe once you see and hear your little bean's heartbeat then feel them wriggling and kicking about, things will be easier 🤞

I am doing well today, thanks for asking. I was hit with a bit of the overwhelm yesterday, at the 'stay home' situation. It's hard with and for the kids at times and can feel a bit daunting. But today is better 🙂 I had a great session with my counsellor (as usual) and the kids are all busy with new games. I'm about to start playing a new game also. So far so good.

I was thinking just before, I have a box in my room of some baby stuff from my youngest. I pulled it out a couple of weeks ago to sort through and haven't finished yet. I have some letters I have written them at different stages of their little lives, which are really cool to read now. Maybe starting some letters to your little one now could be another distraction or outlet for feelings, as well as something to hold on to and keep for them when they're bigger. They're clearly very loved already ❤

Hope there's some peace in your afternoon 🙂

[LJE]

Ugh, don't you just hate when that happens, @CheerBear?? Nothing worse than composing a response then having technology steal it away...

Am VERY glad to hear you've been able to move past the feelings from yesterday and that your support network is so strong! When everything is so uncertain, it's great to know that we have so many places snd people that we can turn to for support. Have you been with the same counsellor for a long time? 

I can only imagine how difficult this process is with munchkins on board!! My brother messaged me this morning to say that his 2 kids (4 and 1) are going completely nuts with cabin fever. What sort of games are you all playing??

I'm building the new yellow Fiat from the Creator collection... it was a cheerful colour so I'm like "yup! This is a good sign 😊" ... will post a pic when done - hopefully tomorrow?

I forgot that I have a Skype session with my psychiatrist at 2:40 so my arvo nap probably won't happen after all but I'll be able to talk to her about the pros and cons of medication during this time and then make some difficult choices.

Also, the letters sound like an amazing idea... and I bet they will appreciate them when they're older too. I'm also thinking of starting an anonymous blog where I can just document this journey for my own mental peace. Or maybe I'll just keep a diary.

Wishing you a wonderful afternoon and hope the next little while is relatively easy going for you xx

[CheerBear]

I've been working with my counsellor on and off for 4 or 5 years @LJE, in different roles. She was the supervisor of a social worker I was working with for a little while and I've kind of followed her around as a client on and off (as funding etc allows) since. She's in private practice now and works via video chat. It's so important to have support during times like this and I too am very glad to have that. I'm hopeful support services will only grow in their flexibility and reach through this.

Oh kids aged 4 and 1 would be super hard for your brother 😖 We've been playing video games mostly. I know too much screen time isn't great but whatever helps and is working for us is what we'll do for now. Two of mine have been playing a farming kind of game together which is nice to see. My Little has their own game to play. Sibling and I are also playing different games. It's a bit of a geeky house here right now 🤓

I had a look at the yellow fiat Lego online - what a cool colour! Looking forward to seeing a pic of you share one.

A blog or diary is a great idea and something to keep track of where your mood and emotions are and what helps maybe.

Hope your appointment goes/went well. I imagine it would help to have a psychiatrist you trust (hopefully) with big decisions like medication.

[LJE]

Sorry it took me so long to reply, @CheerBear ... it's definitely been a long day! 

I'm all for you guys geeking out! I think that's great... these are unprecedented times so new measures are A-OK, I believe! I have a saying that I used to use all the time when I was in professional practice;

"...within reason, whatever gets you through, do it". Although to be fair, that was usually to justify late-night Chinese food when our projects kept us at the office until midnight for weeks on end. Haha.

I'm crawling into bed coz I'm knackered but I hope your day and evening finished up well - hope you get some good rest ❤ 

[Teej]

@LJE  those cards are FABULOUS!  You did such a great job.  How are you today. Sorry it took so long to get back here. I've had a very busy few days. I read about you pampering yourself and talking to PANDA. I'm so glad you are getting support and looking after you. I think once you get through the next few weeks the months will fly by. In some ways the first few were the hardest for me. That's where the most uncertainty comes from, and I guess the birth part too 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:. 
hoping today is being kind to you? 

[LJE]

Hi @Teej - no problem at all! I know everyone is going through a LOT right now so hoping you're going OK??

PANDA were fantastic. Talking to them again next Thursday but it was so reassuring for someone to tell me what to expect from my MH / illness once pregnancy hormones get in the mix. Knowing that I'm not losing my mind is a huge help but I'm still struggling with the anxiety. But have a feeling the minor cramps and back ache might be everything starting to stretch out and make a home for bub. At least that's what I'm hoping! Felt a little queasy last night and this morning too but I think maybe I just won't be someone who gets terrible morning sickness. Mum said she had barely any pregnancy symptoms with me or my brother so who knows! Haha

Mostly just tired today but so far, the day has been kind. How is yours treating you??

And thank you for checking in! I really appreciate all the support ❤

[CheerBear]

Hi @LJE wondering how the last few days have been for you and how you're feeling in the lead up to your appointment this week? No need to reply if you don't want to or can't.

Hope you're going OK enough ❤