TW: it feels like I'm drowning

[creative_writer]

I think I give up on talking to helplines today. Reaching out to beyond blue didn’t really help.
I tried calling lifeline but the phone got disconnected while I was in the queue, and their online chat doesn’t seem to be working. I can’t be bothered to call back again or try another helpline. I don’t know if anyone can help me anyways. I think I’ve reached the end of this road.

[Zoe7]

Hey @creative_writer I have found some helplines in the past to be 'less than helpful'. It would be great if SANE had the same hours as some others as they have always been great but unfortunately are only weekdays 10 -10 😔 It is however good to have the forums in these times to make that connection with someone. I know it doesn't fill that void with real life people but I hope it goes a little way to helping. I would not know where I would be if I had not had this outlet ...and I have made real, true connections here over the years - so many people I can say are friends - it might all be online and anonymous but the help, support, compassion and connections we have formed are very real and truly mean a lot to so many of us. 

[tyme]

Hi @creative_writer ,

I'm sorry how tough it has been to get through to helplines.

I want you to know we are here, sitting with you if you need a chat. You are not alone.

Can you think of something pleasant you can do for yourself this evening?

tyme

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 Sane is always great, completely agree on that. I would’ve contacted them if they were available today. I feel like some helplines can be a hit or miss depending on who you get. Finding someone can be a tedious process.

@tyme honestly don’t think I’m up for much, I’m just in bed right now. Chronic pain has been quite bad. I don’t even know if I’ll have to drop out of placement this May because I’ve been so sick. Going to work for placement five days a week might be a bit too much. But I really wanted to do it. And then I have so much to catch up on for uni for the coursework I’m doing right now. But the pain is making it hard to do things, the memories won’t leave. The pain and memories make it harder to leave the bed in the morning. I guess I don’t really want to have to face the day. It’ll be a while until I can see my psych. I don’t want to bombard my cousin with messages because she’s on holidays, but I know she going to be nothing but supportive.

[tyme]

@creative_writer ,

I know it can be frustrating know there is so much uni work yet not being able to physically do it because of chronic pain.

Perhaps tonight, it'll just be about putting it aside and resting? It seems like your body is asking for it.

My body was asking for a good sleep today. I don't normally sleep in the arvo, but my but said, 'that's enough!'. So I listened to it, and had a big sleep in the arvo. My MH is better that way.

Our body knows best?

Take care,

tyme

[creative_writer]

@tyme can’t exactly study even if I wanted to. Haven’t been able to at all for the past few days. I’m not even sure how I’m going to actually come out of this migraine. My GP can’t exactly prescribe stronger painkillers. I would probably have to go to ER or go to a specialist for stronger pain relief. I am already taking preventatives. And now I just have more time to think about all my traumatic memories. Migraines and mental health have a very bi-directional relationship with each other. I just feel so hopeless.

[tyme]

@creative_writer , do you have any supports in place at uni? I remember when I was at uni, I had a reasonable adjustment plan so that I had extra time for assignments, and with placement, instead of completing it full time, I could chose 2 or 3 days. Would this be something you can get?

Once I had the reasonable adjustment plan, I didn't have to provide a med cert or doctor's letter. I simply had to email the co-ordinator at the beginning of the semester with my adjustment plan, then throughout the semester, I got the support I needed. Without the plan, I doubt I would have been able to complete my studies.

tyme

[creative_writer]

@tyme extension for assignments are pretty easy to get. So I’m not worried as much about the assignments. I could do the placement part time, it just that it would overlap with semester two. I think their idea is that they do placements between semester one and two to prevent clashes with coursework and placements. But it is very jam packed. I’m probably going to take 3 years instead of 2 to finish my degree anyways. If I don’t do the placement now, I’ll have to do it next yr.

[tyme]

That sounds very reasonable @creative_writer - in 3 years time, you'll look back and realise time flew. I think doing it over 3 years is totally fine. Better than being a wreck, trying to complete it in 2. 

Do you think that is do-able?

I remember talking to people who were complaining about how long a course was, hence they didn't do it. Years down the track, they still haven't thought about what they want to do. So in all those years of 'talking', they could've finished...

Time really flies.

tyme

[creative_writer]

@tyme I know realistically speaking one extra year won’t be a whole lot. My mum says it’s best to enjoy while I study rather than rush. Time does fly by.

Right now I don’t want to leave my bed. Head feels heavy. These memories are hurting. If only it was easier to move on from the past. I feel like it’s hard for a lot of people to understand. But you really can’t get over this just by thinking. Can’t really be who I used to be. Sometimes it feels like I’m hanging onto the last thread of a rope.