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Re: Splitting

Hi!!  Nice to hear from you!

 

Im doing  great. Hes settled down out  of splitting cycle ( this always eventually  happens) so his remorse is his  obsession  now. He wants to go back in time and undo all the bad he has done.

Very sad. But we cant. And hes a bad alcoholic so  he treats  his pain that way.

But ! Im happy im good. With the house and  my 3 children.  Thanku  for checking on me. I can  always have hope he'll get help one day  but im not pegging my hopes and dreams on it anymore. I cant forgive alot he has done. 

 

So, im very sorry to hear things have taken a turn for you. Thats  so incredibly  hard. I completely understand.  And it seems very  full on to have to block but if it helps you ?  Do it. I absolutely still have  his  parents blocked. They were not helping  my children  or i at all and making the daily even harder. 

 

Have you gone thru the "checklist" of BPD ? Is your ex open to any help? Its sooo hard. You  have  to wait til they are receptive to hearing anything about them. If its negative they dont take it well.  But it's  frustrating  because their negative  behaviour can be so destructive  that you just try and help...

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Re: Splitting

hello @Holiday and welcome
please feel free to have a look around and join in wherever you like.
a little forum tip is to put an @ before a members name, this way they'll recieive a notification that your talking to them.

how are you since your last post?
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Re: Splitting

Hey my partner also had BPD, holy fuck it’s hard isn’t it. Just sending you some empathy and strength.
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Re: Splitting

Omg my partner is doing the exact same thing and is trying to hide it from me, he outright lies to my face even though I have seen all the hard evidence of it. I just don't know what to do. Our relationship is so chaotic 

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Re: Splitting

I need help on this too, what can you do to stop the splitting?

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Re: Splitting

@Naynay88 @Naynay88 so sorry i just saw this! Sorry  im so unco on this im only new.

But i have been with my husband 7 years so i am an expert on BPD and  splitting 🤣 

What can i help with ? 

Have you read stop walking  on eggshells  ? 

Splitting  is by far the hardest  part  for me . When they split into  that other persona. And that other persona is .... brutal.  Cruel. Mean. A liar. 

Know  this - and anyone who has BPD can either back me up or not whatever  , but with my husband  ? He genuinely  is remorseful  for his actions. The  horrible hurtful ones. He cries everyday. Is suicical over the awful  things he has done. This is what makes BPD hard. There are days where he is crying  to me , whats wrong  with me ? I dont want to  do these things.. why do i do it  ?

 

If you  read stop walking on eggshells you will understand  alot about what a storm it is to live inside their brains. 

Do NOT take what they say personally.  Literally nothing  to do with you. 

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Re: Splitting

Please talk to me anytime. I know how hard it is.
Learn that little saying i mentioned once earlier.
I cannot control it.
I didnt cause it.
I cannot cure it.
Get off their back.
Get out of their way.
And get on with your life.
( or something like that🤣)
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Re: Splitting

I am so thankful for your rely, it's helped me so very much. I have been with my partner for seven years and only just realised this week that this is what has been doing on and oh my god has it been so volatile and frightening and confusing and utterly crazy made me. I didn't know I was dealing with borderline so I didn't know how to react any other way then a normal human being would and this has just made him hate me and hate me and hate me. He hasn't even been to the doctor yet, but I don't need a doctors opinion I have 7 and a half years worth of first hand experience at this and the entire time I was searching the entire internet for answers to understand what the hell was going on because I know this just wasn't a normal relationship where you have issues and try to work them out only to be met with silence or aggression or out right denial plus the emotional and physical abuse it got to because I was just trying to get across to him that oh my ducking god what is going on and why are you doing this it is happening and I am not crazy. But he would just push me away and withdraw from it all complexity and loose dozens and dozens of jobs and houses and lisence and either love me to death one bit and so anything to get me back but then as time went on he would just withdraw and do nothing because he was just devaluing me in his mind. Plus I have seen all the lost relationships from the contial lies and the black and white thinking. The weigh gains from the excessive eating, the reckless behaviours. The longer the normal time it would take him to process emotions. The irritability and just down right angry. We had been fighting so much I'm wondering if he has  split because he is starting to highly value a girl at the local coffee shop.  He never ever talks about any of what has happened as soon as I mention anything I have noticed he just says it's all in my head and there is nothing wrong with him. He never responded to anything I was saying or trying to do he would just deny any of it was or is happening until I found borderline personality disorder on line and I went omg that is my entire life and I am in absolute crisis I am sooo hurt like hurt actual doesn't even cover it the amount of horrible things that he has done to me, that he cannot even say out of his mouth which is why our relationship has struggled so badly and why I moved all my stuff out because I just couldn't cope with it. He did however agree to go and see a doctor about it this Thursday which for this man is one thing he would never ever do. I have been trying to be supportive and give him affection and reassurance but he just reacts as if I am the devil and with so much anger and frustration and hatred towards me. I have never felt so scared or alone my entire life. Is this going to get any better or is this it for life? I have to love a man who hates my every move every day? Who can't talk out loud about any of the last seven years? I am at a loss. I feel suicidal to be honest, just like that seems the only escape this. I am heartbroken as this man use to love me so much and now he hates my every move. 

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Re: Splitting

I love those! I'm going to use those!

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Re: Splitting

Naynay88,
I will send you a checkin email.
Regards,
Dockers6

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