I'm actually been cursed a lifetime living in my head, remuneration over and over. Re living living my past trauma and pain and the things I did as survival went so against the grain of who I am, because I was always meeting others needs and never got back the effort, hope and love I poured out to so many. Being compassionate and having empathy is a beautiful gift to have, not many are this giving and forgiving of others to their own detriment quite often, which slowly destroys your own self worth, self esteem and most of all forgiving yourself because life always challenges us in areas that we need to see clearer. The reason I resinate so much with what your describing is because that's me all through 55 years and I'm still struggling today to accept myself, love myself, things happen out of our control but the key lays in forgiving yourself first and things will play out differently if you are patient. Funny enough I'm full of head knowledge and wisdom for others hurting but still can't apply it that effectively after all this time. But in the last week in therapy it's been really apparent how long I've accepted people talking to me like rubbish. Is it any wonder I believed it. But I'm told for me to move from the same headspace your in takes forgiving yourself.. life happens. If you can start identifying your positive qualities and don't look backwards at the negatives. We can't change the past, it's done, good, bad and ugly. But there's today and a choice only you can make. I don't know how old you are but don't waste too many years it's soul destroying and no good comes from it. This message as I write it, is for me just as much as you, that's why I wanted to reach out. Hope this helps when someone else gets
xx
