Skip to main content
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.


Have an account?

Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Something’s not right

Casual Contributor

Not the person I know

I really  need some advice, please!

I am finding it quite difficult to cope since my partner of 12 years has come out of hospital from 2 X surgeries that was to fix another surgery that went wrong a year ago. I think the repair surgery has triggered something in him. In the weeks leading up to the surgery he was very stressed about the surgery and said that he thought he was going to die. When he came out of the surgery his remark was , well  what do I do now then? He’s 4-5 weeks post surgery and still having dressings at the hospital.  He’s been told that he cannot return to work again where there’s heavy lifting required.  He’s displaying  odd isolating behaviours, aggression and he’s self medicating with alcohol again.  There is also an increase to risky behaviours as he was 2 weeks post surgery and was riding the motorbike around.

He’s targeting me saying pretty degrading and odd things too.

He’s very self aware and will not consult GP or Mental health professional as he turn the consult around and will provide them with mental health services.  Today he put up an unusual post on social media about a car being parked illegally, which had little to no impact on him at the time, and it’s received a number of trolling responses. He’s exhibiting a heightened sense or for want of a better explanation an over exaggerated sense of self. He’s mentioned each of the neighbours are up set with him, for what ever reason and said that he might as well have them all hating him.

Other odd things he’s doing is joking about macabre things happening. He’s posting odd reports of a man who went on a 2 hour stabbing rampage in America.

 He’s told me that he thought I was going to hurt myself, which on top of a whole bunch of other emotional abuse he’s hurled at me in the past few weeks I think he’s projecting what he’s feeling onto me.

I really don’t know what to do, I’m worried about him but I’m also worried for myself.

 Your advice would be greatly appreciated



Re: Not the person I know

Hello @reachingout 

It sounds as though things are really difficult and confusing for you, trying to support someone you care about whilst they are acting out of character and being really hurtful.  I just wanted to check in and make sure you are looking after yourself.  We cant control what other people do but we can control how we allow them to impact on use and how we react.  I hope you are ok.  Take care. MummaMia


Re: Not the person I know

thank you, I am reaching out as I wonder if there's anyone else that can relate and possibly offer suggestions to having that conversation with him. i'm all ideas

Re: Not the person I know

Yikes @reachingout, worrying times.


Can I suggest that you make a note of all the things that are happening including the risky behaviours, grandiose thoughts, paranoid thoughts, substance abuse, if there are any changes to sex drive etc. If you believe he is becoming a danger to himself, you can call  CATT (Mental health crisis assessment) information is here.  Some patients can swing to depression and they often seek help at this point - they fail to report their other behaviours and can get incorrect treatment and it is imperative that the pdocs know about these things.  If/when assessment takes place they will want to rule out a medical cause for these behaviours as there are conditions that mimic mental illnesses.


When mental health issues arise it can be confusing to us and we can experience unfamiliar emotions or ones that we do not like (such as resentment, anger) and when unwell our partners have no idea of the chaos they cause in the lives of their loved ones and it is important that we look after ourselves so we keep ourselves mentally healthy as well as learning his to respond appropriately to our partners MI issues.


Re: Not the person I know



My wife changed due to the hormonal stress associated with becoming pregnant. I suggest giving your partner a chance to really de-stress. Perhaps a 3 week vacation to a resort, without wifi. Anything you can do to remove stress, will reduce the expression of a personality disorder.


Another thought was hospitals have councillors who may be able to speak with you and wour husband about the post operation experiences. 


Re: Not the person I know

Thanks @Darcy 

I had not thought of things that way, and it's startling to think that this is how badly things could become.

We had a realatively good day but there's an odd under current

I will seek out some advice from the Mental Health Acute Care Team and maybe they might speak with his GP on the quiet.


Thank you



Re: Not the person I know

Thanks Sailor John
We are not in a position to fund such a break, but your ideas about post operative consultation would be good.


Re: Not the person I know

How are things going @reachingout 


Re: Not the person I know

After my first post he escilated and i asked him to leave, and we had huge blow up with some very nasty things being said, was like a teenager tantrum, but since the bubble bursting, things have calmed down 

we have had some good conversations but the elephant is still in the room, i think it will be some time before he accepts that he no longer has access to my account. There has been honest recognition of the level of seriosness behind the request i made for him to leave, i think it came as a shock when i concured that i too have sought legal advice.

i have had to do the safe talk with him as he told me to go and do things myself, so i framed the question to ask him if he was thinking of doiing what he told me to do. 

We are taking things very slowly i'm still very on guard but I am safe and have no imediate danger, i have left some brochures on the table that he may pick up but there a number of the same ones so they are very noticable.  He mentioned that he wanted to go back to the sporting group we were once involved with in victoria, i agreed it would be good for him to go, for himself - he may find refuge in talking with other fellas there. not sure what more i can do unless he admits he has a problem.


Thanks for all the support and follow up on the post it is appreciated Smiley Happy

For urgent assistance, call: