Need to vent

[Snowie]

Hi @BlueBay 

I am sorry to hear your sh is so high. Please check in hon, we do care about you a lot.

NO doubt you are tired hon, you are going through so much at the moment, especially without being able to see your father.

Am around for a bit if you need a chat or just for so company. Sending so much love your way 💗💗

[Appleblossom]

@BlueBay 

Not sure what helps you the most, but I began to look at books with pictures and art online.  Sometimes I found it calming and good to just lose my self in the looking, rather than getting lost in my own si and sh thoughts.  I started posting them on here a bit for a while.  I found it a combination of that, music, and moving about a lot, or getting lost in my gardening.  So both something active and something to capture your imagination.  Not sure what works best for you.

Its been so long we have known each other.  It is pretty amazing.  I think of you on your side of the bay ... 

Nonna sometimes, and daughter sometimes .... like me.

Hugs.

[Shaz51]

@BlueBay my sister , i amm missing you lots 

hope you are ok xxxx 

@Appleblossom , @Snowie , @Peregrinefalcon , @tyme 

[BlueBay]

hi @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Snowie @Peregrinefalcon @tyme @Emelia8 @Eve79 and others reading - 

thanks everyone for your support. sorry i haven't been on here, not sure i should anymore. 

i have had a huge amount of stress and anxiety.

both legal cases are now in the hands of solicitors and one has gone to the human rights commission and the other to victim of crimes tribunal.

but now with the human rights commission (work one) i am stressing and scared of seeing ex employer and staff member who knows me.

i finally saw my dad two weeks ago, that was a very strange visit. my mum continued to be controlling and did not ask about my children or lttle A.  after 20 mins i had to get out of there and left.  couldn't handle it.  my dad looked tired but ok.

i have now put boundaries around them - no phone calls to them at all and i will only call easter sunday and that's it.  she does not call me or even ask about us.

i have had a lot of physical tests - gastroscope last week and found i have gastric reflux and an ulcer.  i have been unwell and in pain for weeks.

also had a gastric emptying study - results good.

ended up in ED a few weeks ago for flare of diverticulitis.

now have severe constipation where colon is impacted

and a cold on top where i was in bed for 3 days

never felt so lonely 

i am either feeling ok and happy for a little bit and then to the other extreme - feeling suicidal.  there is no in between .

my psych and GP have been very supportive.

i am sorry i haven't been around for anyone here

i am barely coping day by day

[Appleblossom]

Sending love and warmth. @BlueBay 

Setting boundary on your mother is probably a good move.  It really helped me to self regulate, by limiting the amount and type of time I spent with my mother.

Best wishes with it all.

[tyme]

We haven't forgotten you @BlueBay . You've certainly been on my heart the whole time.

Please take care. Thank you for updating us.

[Emelia8]

Thanks for the tag and update @BlueBay ♥  I have been absent too. Good on you for putting boundaries in place regarding your mother,  etc.  Though it saddens me greatly that you need to do this. Unfortunately you are left with no choice,  for your own sake.

Sorry to hear that you continue to experience physical health issues, which will exacerbate any mental health challenges. Really wish life was easier.  💝

Good to see you again.  I know you are dealing with so much right now.  So I really hope you know how welcome you are around here. And next time you are feeling lonely,  you might pop by again? 

[Shaz51]

soo wonderful to see your name come up my sister @BlueBay , sending you lots and lots of hugs xxxx

@Emelia8 , @tyme , @Appleblossom , @Snowie xoxo

[Snowie]

Thanks for the tag and update @BlueBay 

Please know we are here for you 💗💗

[BlueBay]

hi @Snowie @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @tyme @Appleblossom @Eve7 @hanami @FloatingFeather @Jynx 

i am lost

very lonely

so much going on

i don't feel the urge anymore to come on here like i used to

i wish it wasn't like this but when you are told to not speak to someone on here - well it hurts

i respect their wishes and they have got their wishes - but it baffles me as to why just me and no one else

anyway i am fearing that i will eventually stop coming on here 

it's just that i do miss interaction with others

but at the moment i am not interacting with many at all

my only interaction at the moment is my support people and that's it

i have hibernated from the world 

not sure if its a good or bad thing

i just need time

and i am sorry i haven't been around for anyone to talk to or support

i guess i don't feel valued here anymore, and i know it's my head telling me that

i have felt that i am not worthy to talk on here anymore

that no one wants to read what i have to say anymore

and i do understand that everyone has their own issues and it's hard to support everyone

i am sorry

i don't know when i will be back on here

feeling very sad 

BB xxxxxxx