hi @tyme
if i was to go there she would either (a) pretend to not be home therefore not open the door
(b) open the door and have a go at me and then that would be a confrontation (which i don't like) and then my dad would stress (which is what she told me he cant have any stress, so the dr told her) which i believe is her making these rules up not the dr.
I have no idea how he is. she told me this morning he had to go to dr's and then rest. she doesn't say much at all. in fact today she was very cold towards me. and i am positive it's because i haven't phoned daily. but i am not ringing daily.
i just don't know what else to do except forget about him. i am tired of arguing with her, although i wish i was so strong that i could answer back to her, tell her exactly what i think. but me being me - i can't.
do you know she could have said this morning - look dad's going to the drs but you can come later on or this afternoon. it makes me very angry because i know that my younger sister who i don't talk to, sees him daily. so why can she see him and not me or my other sister. what's so special about her.
i am having trouble atm bgecause i am internalising all this crap, and so much i want to do to myself to release this anger.
it's not fair, i am a child, a daughter just like the other one.
maybe they hate me because i opened up a can of worms and told them about my abuse.
i feel stuck, it's emotional abuse; it's keeping me and my sister out of the picture. it's quite clear that she doesn't want us to see our dad, keep us out.
how would she like it.
how can a mother be like this; my own mum.
i hate her so much, the anger just gets bigger and bigger.
i have had a horrible week especially yesterday, emailing my support for help. i was in bed most of the day, didn't want to see or speak to anyone. cancelled two appts (one was dinner with frineds) becaus ei dint' want to see them or speak with them.
i am still not great. i just wish i could speak to my psychiatrist or GP but can't until two weeks. that's too long to wait.
in the meantime i don't know what to do.
so i could go to the door but i know what she is like. she has done this behaviour before. and telling me this morning that she never got my phone message. i left a message i know i did. but she loves to invalidate me and i feel i am going crazy. or even more crazier than i am.
