Im so sick of advocating for myself, like in public it sucks, I shouldnt have to justify the things I cant do. I am in my early 40's and have had a Disability Permit for a decade. The number of people who have glared at me for using a disability park, Ive had a few approach and verbally abuse me.
My family is a different level, every aspect of my physical and mental disabiliities is challenged constantly. I have to be careful of my back, so lifting things is not a good idea, even light items repeatedly. I dont walk much, walking for any real distance hurts. I dont do well in crowds and driving with large numbers of cars, multi-lane especially. I can handle 2 lanes but more than that I really struggle. So I compenstate, I go shopping early in the morning, I avoid going into the city unless for medical reasons. Yelling, fights, discord, confrontations all bad, I am just waiting for it to be directed at me. I will stand up for others but I dont like it, I tend to shake like crazy in all these circumstances, especially if directed to me and I get involved. I will get my grump on and stand up for myself (and others) its just not a pleasant experience. I like cops shows, Facebook watch has them almost continually on my feed and Judge Judy but there are times where I cant watch them because they are too argumentity and I get anxious.
There is a lot of other things that I get anxious over but they are the main ones.
My main one is to grit my teeth and just push through, shaking, heart pounding etc. Just deal with it.
Often the above turns into a panic attack and then there is nothing I can do. I dont know how to deal with them. I just let them run their course and then stop what ever was happening. Panic attacks are common at bed time (tactile haullucinations happen in bed)
I then have to advocate for my few ways to manage my anxiety. I mean first and foremost I avoid the things that cause anxiety. If I get anxious, music is my go to in most cases. Loud and obnoxious is generally they way, I use it to drown out the screaming in my head but also to drown out the anxiety. I sleep with music as it quitens my mind but it helps reduce the anxiety I get going to bed (tactile hallucinations happen in bed).
Smoking, not neccessarily a positive one but I smoke more when Im anxious.
I do wish that I could cry, I think that would make me feel better when anxious. Like at the moment Dad has brought Mum home and they are in her area for some time. I know they are fighting, Mum wants Dad to buy something off Buy Swap Sell and Dad doesnt want it or wants to go get it. So fight. This means Dad will come down mad or mad and having to go buy something he doesnt want.
Ringing SANE or similar is another way for me to deal with anxiety.
Writing on the forums is also a big one
Medication is a big one, I have an allowance of 2 a day but I will be discussing other options with the new psychiatrist.
All of these ways gets comments, gets road blocks. Even ringing SANE, I have to find somewhere private, that I can smoke which is on the back porch, but a) its often cold b) Dad still comes up and you have to tell him to bugger off
Anxiety sucks, like many I get far more than my fair share. I have some methods to deal with it, Ive heard of others but they dont work for me or they just seem to be to 'feminim' for me to do. Im not against feministic things its just, I dunno, its something my sister could do but if someone saw me doing it I would be ashamed and embarrased. I suppose Im somewhat ashamed of my anxiety or mental health in general. Its not accepted in my family and society doesnt either. My family doesnt respect anything that I suffer from that may impact my ability to do stuff for them.
