Lower than the rock bottom

[Powderfinger]

@NatureLover 

I don't like this anger a lot. I don't like the instability and strength of it. I know it's been there for a long time, it just makes my every day life difficult. 

I have a career,  I've worked damn hard for it too. I'm at a peak in one part of my career and I really don't want this messed up for me. I have more control cause I work for myself. I do have to keep managing daily affairs and be on the ball a bit. 

Thank you for being here and listening. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  Thinking of you today. Sending the best wishes for a good fit in therapy. Take care. 💙💙

[NatureLover]

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@Powderfinger wrote:

@NatureLover 

I don't like this anger a lot. I don't like the instability and strength of it. I know it's been there for a long time, it just makes my every day life difficult. 

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I know how you feel - I don't like feeling anger either. 

How was your therapy appointment today? 

@Powderfinger 

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

Apologies for the late response. I went to therapy today. Still processing. I read what you wrote about Anger. Everything is still extremely ovewhelming. I have ten different projects for work so I am having to manage that somehow. I work for myself. I guess there is work for me to do around anger and what I believe about it. I think it is linked to bluesman. (A name I use for a fatherly figure as I have difficulty talking about him in that way).  It was something I learnt off a psychologist I saw once. 

Thanks for being around and listening to me. It is appreciated. Take care of you. 

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie Thank you, That is a precious message. I went to therapy. The therapist seems like she may be ok but it is the first session. Not the right time to determine that. The outcome was that we will need maybe between 3-4 sessions for her to get to know more. Therapy is going to be long term. This time, I will not quit. I'm a bit blank right now. Thank you for sending your message of support today.  

[Powderfinger]

@NatureLover 

It is a very ditressing emotion and hard to know what to do with it sometimes. For quite a few years now, I have always imagined a huge warehouse full of glass. I just want someone to hand me a baseball bat, close the door, go away and let me loose. I am slowly learning it is ok to feel really angry and that I am not a bad person for feeling angry. 

The therapy appointment was OK. I think relief that I was finally going to be able to talk to someone in person and get help. I had to wait three weeks for the appointment, so it felt like a long wait. She seems to be ok. I guess I can only make a proper assessment with more sessions of how things are going. 

Hope you are well and thanks for asking after me today. 

Take good care of you. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  💜💜💜

[NatureLover]

Hi @Powderfinger ...I'm glad your first therapy appointment went OK, that's good to hear 🙂 How often will you be seeing your therapist? 

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@Powderfinger wrote:

I am slowly learning it is ok to feel really angry and that I am not a bad person for feeling angry. 

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Yes, this is hard to learn. I find feeling anger distressing, too.

Thanks for your good wishes 🙂 I hope your day today is a good one...thinking of you...

[Powderfinger]

😎💚🧡

[Powderfinger]

@NatureLover 

I am not sure what to do with myself after yesterday's session. The fog is slowly lifting and it's frightening. It's like coming out if this cocoon and everything around you is still the same and you are not. 

The therapist has indicated she wants to see me weekly ad least until the end of the year. I think at this time, that is necessary with the events that have taken place and my current situation. 

If it wasn't for sane, I don't even want to think about what I would have done. I'm very thankful to you and @Maggie  for being right there. I know you have your own worries. So thank you. Although it does not say much, it is genuine for really being there in my time of need. 

I hope you have had a good day today.