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Razzle
Senior Contributor

I’ve just lost my support network

The last few days have been absolutely heart breaking and extremely gruelling.

 

My son came home for a few days, minus his gf and baby daughter.  I was quite upset that we weren’t going to see our grand daughter.  We have had a few issues with the gf and her mother and a whole bunch of lies being told to us since the baby was born.

 

I asked our son why they didn’t come home too, he gave a few rubbish excuses so I burst Into tears and asked for the truth.  Finally he told me that his gf won’t come here if I’m in the picture because she is offended that I had called her mother a liar and that she was undermining both her and my son. I had also called her a liar.  I had done this, but in a private text to him which she read.  These weren’t little lies, these were about the baby being sick and taken to different doctors and paediatricians and hospitals, when in fact my son admitted yesterday the baby has only ever seen a health centre nurse, and definately isn’t sick.

 

It has been a hellish last few days with very little sleep.  I have told my son I will clear out if they come up if that means the rest of our family can see or even meet the baby for the first time.

 

On top of all this my husband and I have been seeing a councellor for marriage councelling (I also see him one on one for CSA), our biggest issue being that my husband can not support me if his life depended on it.   This was made evident when my father died and I had a falling out with my SIL, my husband sided with her.  I have a terrible history of CSA and trust and support are a huge issue for me.

 

My councillor knows all of my story, past and present, he knows exactly how important trust and support is to me.

 

Today I over heard my husband talking to my son, it was a full on fan club meeting for the gf’s mother, both singing her praises like she was mother

of the year.  My husband went on to then talk shit about me.  I left the

house and messaged my councillor, telling him everything that had happened - and his response was in support of my husband.  

 

I cant even begin to describe how betrayed I feel by all of them.  My marriage is definately over, my husband knew this was his last and only chance, the deal breaker - he had to be supportive of me in a crisis, and once again he is far from it.  I’m hurt beyond belief that my son has treated me this way.  But the response from my councillor has completely floored me, of all the people that actually did understand me, he’s also turned his back.  I will never trust him again.  I will never go back to him again.  

 

Im completely alone again.  There is no one I trust or can turn to anymore.  I feel so humiliated that I shared my CSA story with my husband or the councilor just to be discarded like this.  I am so hurt I cant even begin to describe what is going through my head right now.  I am totally crushed.

16 REPLIES 16

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

@Former-Member 

 

I have just realised I put this on the Carers Forum, it should be in Lived Experience.  I don’t know how to change it

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

@Tortoiseshell  I don’t think my thread has been moved lived experience, it’s still showing in Carers 

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

Hi @Razzle,

Thank you for your patience, I've moved it now. This sounds like it has been a truly devastating experience and I hope you feel supported by the forums through this. 

Take care Heart

Tortoiseshell  

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

Thankyou @Tortoiseshell , I’m so tired, my brain is fuzzy, I don’t know how I even found my way onto the Carers Forum

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

@Razzle  did your counsellor have a reason for siding with your husband? as in did he tell you why he said/thought whatever he did? (you don;t have to explain it if you dont want to I just wonder if he explained where why he said that to you) also i am sorry about what has happened. do you have any friends? or anyone else you can go to for support outside of the usual circle? 

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

@Eden1919   His response was making excuses as to why my husband wasn’t giving me support, why he was talking up the gf’s mother - after she has caused us so much grief.  It happened the same way with my SIL when my father died, and he has just done it again.  The councilor made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal.  We have been dealing with this exact problem over and over, and now that I’m in crisis he’s done it again and my councillor is making excuses for his behavour.  

 

I have no one else, it took me 40years to finally open up to these 2, none of my family have ever been told about my past, I can’t do it all again, I can’t go over it all again, especially if I end up with this result.

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

@Razzle  Hi Razzle I have taken a long time to respond to your post and read over it several times trying to look at it from various prospectives and varying ways you can or should deal with these situations as I think they should be thought about seperately instead of all under the same unbrella so to speak.

 

With your son I would be shattered if I were you. When I was extremely ill my eldest did not understand and left the house to be with his father. It was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me as I was falling down this cravace with all my support networks letting me do it. Things have improved now but in saying that he is living overseas and has a girlfriend over there so when they eventually marry and have children I know I will be one of those grand parents who sends $100 over every birthday and Christmas and apart from that there will be little or no contact. Just one of those things I suppose.

 

Husband well I am happily divorced and now my ex wants me back I can laugh at that because I am happily single and am determined to remain that way. It was hard to begin with but after months I became strong and well and thoroughly recommend leaving toxic relationships theya re for the birds.

 

Girlfriend and her mother ..... and of course your grandchild .... that is a tough one. To be honest she holds all the cards and knows it. If I were you I would calmly let her go ahead with her games and wait for her to fall on her face which she will given time. If you do this your son will see her for what she truly is but in the mean time you have to remain calm. Send presents for the baby for birthday and Christmas if they are accepted of course ask to see photos etc but remain calm and then gf will have nothing to base her continued persecution of you on. It will take time but you have no other course of action if you ever want to see your grandchild.

 

I hope my words have helped a bit. I know they have been hard to hear at times but you are a strong woman and can deal with this situation .... oh and yeah ditch the counsellor sound like a total dipstick who you don't need anymore as you don't need husband anymore either girlfriend you have this be strong and look forward not backward or even in the present just forward. Love greenpea xxx

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

Oh @Razzle I’m crying reading your post. I can’t believe everything you’ve gone through thst your husband won’t support you. 

And your son - I think he is totally ruled by his girlfriend. 

I sm so sorry for what you’re going through. I just can’t cimorehend why your counselling would side with your hubby. Thsts betrayal of trust. 

Oh @Razzle  I don’t know what to say. Only that I am giving you a big warm hug. Love snd more hugs. I feel for you so much. 

You know you have lots of people on here thst love you snd wouldn’t betray you. 

You deserve to be happy ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Re: I’ve just lost my support network

Thanks @greenpea  and @BlueBay 

 

I’m feeling absolutely destroyed at the moment.  Big changes are needing to be made.  I feel like my head is still spinning

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