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I think my mum has delusional disorder

Hi everyone,

It's 3am and like many nights these days I find myself wide awake, unable to sleep. My mum has had delusional thoughts about my dad having an affair for as long as I can remember. Let me just say that there is no chance that he is having an affair... Anyway, lately she has gotten worse due to her psychiatrist taking away her meds. One day she hid under their dining table for 6 hours just to try and catch my dad out. I wrote an email to her psychiatrist and tried to speak to him on the phone but he didn't have consent to speak to me. So I went to mum's last appointment with him but he refused to speak to me on my own even after mum offered to stand outside while we talked. I can't say in front of mum that I think she is delusional because I am scared that she will become suicidal if she thinks I am against her (she has been suicidal in the past) 

This appointment with the psychiatrist was my last hope and I thought it was going great as mum opened up and mentioned some clearly delusional thoughts to him e.g. My 86yo grandma who lives overseas is in on the affair and she heard her from the other room say on the phone that she missed dad and his lady friend and couldn't wait for them to visit again. After hearing this and much more he said that mum's issues were all due to private marital problems and he couldn't help her with that. Now he has made things worse as mum thinks going to see him and any psychiatrist is a waste of time. Mum's state of mind is very difficult to handle and it is affecting my health, my dad's and my brother's. I have an appointment with her GP (who referred her to the psychiatrist) next week and that's my last hope, I don't know what else to do. She needs help. I need help! 

**she has since started taking the meds again and although it has helped a lot, the delusional thoughts never go away

6 REPLIES 6

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

Hey @Ledy thank you so much for posting and please know you're not alone. It's unfortunate as it sounds like the Psychiatrist was not the right fit for your Mum. Please do not give up hope as there are many other modalities and practitioner's that will be able to connect with her and help her to create some strategy around this thinking pattern. I would recommend checking out what's available to you via APS, PACFA and the ACA database Smiley Happy

 

Also are you seeking any support for yourself? Support groups or even your own therapy? Look foward to hearing from you Heart 

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

@nashy thanks so much for your response, I will definitely check out those other avenues you mentioned. It is just very disappointing that the psychiatrist responded the way he did. This is the first time mum has ever seen a psychiatrist apart from when she was hospitalized in 2007. We live in a remote town and mum doesn't speak good enough English so she was skyping this psychiatrist who speaks Spanish. Without having any of her past medical history he took her off her medication and that's when things went downhill. 

I haven't seen anyone for my own wellbeing although I am a mental health worker and have been speaking to colleagues throughout the process. I find it fascinating how I can help my clients day in and day out but feel so helpless when it comes to my own mum. 

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

Hi, I’m new to the forums and came here seeking help for my mother. I read your story and what you are going through I have spent the last 25 years living thr same

nightmare. Only difference being my mother never got diagnosed with any mental health issue until just this month. I’ve lived my entire life as a horrible lie, with a mother who spent her entire married life convinced my father was cheating. I don’t remember a single day were I didn’t have to listed to her go on

about his cheating ways, all the horrible things he had done and I lost track of how many people in the back street and neighbourhood he apparently had kids to or slept with. He’s never done any of the above. Just recently her mental condition deteriorated severely. She got online made friends with a fellow overseas playing a online game and long story short became completely delusional in believing she

was in a relationship with the person. This person had no idea, was 40yrs her younger and had no way to live in our country. Her head couldn’t cope and she became fully delusional, ended her marriage with my father and has since made our lives a living hell for someone that isn’t and will

never will be with her. I ended up getting her in mental health for 4 weeks to little avail. They did diagnose her as schizophrenic with phychosis but havnt taken it serious enough and she’s still off in her delusional state while we all suffer. I don’t have a answer sorry but just wanted to let you know your not going through this alone. It makes you feel so helpless and like no one really takes you seriously. 

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

Hey Ledy,

my first experience with the medical profession five years ago when i started caring for a wife with PTSD was coming back from getting something from the car to the emergency department only to find my wife with lots of little holes in her arms and a nervous nurse trying to hide an encanulation tool behind her back.  When i asked what was going, i was asked "who are you?"  i explained that i was the patient's husband of 25 years and wanted to know why her arms were a mess.  

Nurse "do you have EPOA?"

Me "what is that"

Nurse "well if you dont know what that is you cant ask anymore questions please sit in the corner and be quiet, i dont have to answer you"

EPOA ledy is enduring power of attorney.  If you can get your mum to sign an EPOA form in front of a public notary giving the formal role of her delegate and advocate you have more rights to how you are treated by the medical establishment and can ask about your mums treatment. Have a copy put on all your mum's medical files and carry a copy in your ememgency bag.  If anyone argues with you casually mention that you are your mum's EPOA and look how different the attidue will be towards you.  Hope this helps. 

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

@Star321 sorry it had taken me so long to reply. To be honest I was being selfish and came onto this forum to get support when I had noone else to turn to. It felt great to get my feelings out there and to know I was not alone. But as soon as things started getting better I turned my back on the forum and for that, I'm sorry. 

I know how difficult and terrible it is to deal witha delusional mother. The difference between mine and yours is that my mum only targets one lady whereas it looks like your mum has these delusions about many different people. How are things going now? I hope you have found some sort of peace. I found that it's important to set some boundaries to look after your own wellbeing too. I have learnt to sort of ignore my mum's delusional thoughts but it is not easy! I keep repeating in my head "This is her illness, she thinks what she is saying is true, she must feel so alone right now, don't get angry." Because it is so hard to not be angry at them right!? This person who is meant to look after you and love you is ruining your life and you can't help but resent them. But I just think how my mum must feel. In her head, my dad has been having an affair since her moved to Australia and my brother and I go along with it. She must feel so isolated that even her own kids are helping hide this affair from her. 

It's definitely a terrible situation but unfortunately it's one that will never go away. All we can do is try to help them and set those boundaries in order to keep our own sanity. Hope you are well. You are not alone.

 

Re: I think my mum has delusional disorder

Hi Paul, sorry for the very late reply. Thanks for your help! Hope you and your wife are doing well

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