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I need feedback with my husband.......

My husband is going through a difficult time now that he has quit the very last bad addiction.It's been a long time for him but he gave up smoking about three months ago. 

So, in three years, he quit hard drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking ciggarettes. I am so proud of him but his Schizophrenia is taking a battering which means I feel very isolated and exhausted. 

Last week, my Mum gave us a cold chicken and he was convinced that the cold chicken gave him an illness. 

He has'nt walked for properly for over two months or three months although there is nothing wrong with his legs and he just sits on the loungeroom ordering me around. 

I am very tired of people giving me 'Suggestions,'

......like......

just stop gettng him water.

make him get everything for himself

My response to Mr g is ...I'm working with his delusions and in contact with his hospital. 

It's hard and hard. 

He is wanting to spend time with his best friend who refuses to use medication for clinical depression. His best friend thinks medication makes him fat.

Since he has decided to quit all the self medication, he has had a difficult time. When Mr g was told what will happen if he smoked etc,etc, it will be very naughty, his best friend gave him lots of self medication. 

Therefore I feel isolated. Once a week, the pastor comes to our home to spend time with Mr g which is wonderful. I go to the pastors wife and we read the bible and she gives me a lot of space. 

Could anyone write how they would deal with his ordering around? 

 @Shaz51 and hello @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Jacques @Faith-and-Hope @Darcy @Determined @Former-Member everyone Ive forgotten @TAB @Phoenix_Rising @Silenus @Zoe7 @Teej 

21 REPLIES 21

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

Maybe bat it back to him a bit  and say that is an order not a request, can you listen to your tone etc ...or count them.

If you feel you want to be giving to him ... maybe try it jokingly if it is at that level.

If he is feeling desperate he may not realise how much he does it, but it is not fair on you. 

He seems to get more than his fair share of positive attention, with health care teams etc etc...

In parenting I heard about the concept of A-Z grades of attention ... he does need it to be top quality all the time... do your own thing and a bit of ignoring.  It is a pity it is this way, but I get you are in it for the long haul.Heart.

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

I do not have any advice to offer you here @PeppiPatty but I can offer you my support and an ear (eyes) to listen. I know others you have tagged will be in a much better position to offer suggestions/advice.

So for now - you have my ears and as many hugs as you like Heart

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

@patientpatient
Do you have similar issues with your son?

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

Hi @Darcy. We deal with delusions that relate to health but our situation and background story sounds different. I don't have to deal with demands all the time, though I find it easier to go along with most requests than to go against. Sorry @PeppiPatty, this isn't any help to you. I'm not that familiar with your story, assume hubby is on meds and taking them diligently.... and hopefully seeing a psychologist. One thing I have to deal with is weird ideas (usually related to health, eg connecting coffee, red wine or over-the-counter meds with being able to do certain things.) Sometimes I get really tired of it and just don't respond. 

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

Dear @patientpatient

I havent met you how are you ? I'm happy to meet you.....yes, my husband has chronic 

Acute meaning Schizophrenia every now and again and again and 

Chronic all the time.

But you would know that. I'm writing for it for others. 

He has gotten up and he is making me a coffee for me this morning....

It feels like I lost him for about 2 to 3 months....and he does talk constantly.....like right now.....constantly. 

He is wonderful on his meds and depo and all.....

Any thoughts @patientpatient ? You seem clever. 

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

DEar @AppleblossomApple, my friend,

I took your advise and did a bit of joking today. On his budget list, there is money for cigars ....

I said, well, you cannot die before my Birthday so that will have to be cut out.....and he agreed. He is talking constantly.....

grr

I've been trying the ignoring thing thank you very much Apple.......great advice.....

@Zoe7 @Darcy @patientpatient

 

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

I am working with my hubby's delusions too @PeppiPatty ...... my advice is to consider yourself in the equation ...... like, if this were a card game, deal yourself a hand as well. If your hubby is bossing you around, consider what you need to do for yourself as well, and maybe say things like .... "Okay, I will get that for you while I am on my feet anyway, and I will pretend you asked me nicely ..... because I would prefer you asked me nicely ..... and if I tell you that is what I prefer, perhaps you will do that for me, like I am fetching this for you ....."

And see what happens.

Be polite, but let him know that you matter too.

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

A mix of humour and politeness is hard to do ALL the time.

A wife a of a blind man taught me the importance and okayness of a little darkness in the humour between spouses.  BB's situation is pretty tough .. so calling it out like that was probably really good for both of you. @PeppiPatty

I have started admitting to my delusions so that others in my life do not get so defensive.   If I think really hard I am sure I can manufacture a few delusions about my hopes for an ideal marriage in an ideal world.  By taking charge of the humour but also admitting how lousy I am at it .. helps with relaxing the rapport. 

In our family the Dx are rampant so that is what I have to tackle head on. Including pleading for a few of my own Dx so that the others cant say I dont know what it feels like.  

I had a lovely hour with my son today... I am proud of who he is and how he is dealing with his S==t.  I had to tell him to stop saying sorry.  That I accepted it and thanked him for it, but he had said it enough and been punished enough. Peppi we have had a lot going down here.Heart

Re: I need feedback with my husband.......

Oh yes, @Appleblossom Apple, I've spent many weeks visiting my hubby in prison.......

Can you tell your son that he has many people around him that 

love him and he is making all these people look foolish if he doesnt have this time to acknowledge his part in bad behaviour,,,,,no matter how unfiar it is........

Interesting what you do @Faith-and-Hope it's like that you are asking for two things at once.....respect and owning husband's disability.......

I will do........

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