I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm glad things are pretty okay despite the darkness seeping in a little. It sounded pretty refreshing being on the beach and just outdoors in general.

I feel okay I guess. I'm still in the confused state about "What do I do now?" So I'm taking things each day as it comes. At this stage, I'm a little lost. I'm not sad, I'm not happy... more just - numb?

I'm getting one of my air cons replaced tomorrow so I've had to make the area as accessible to the tradie as possible. The external unit is going on the roof, and they have to take the old one away. 

What are you doing tomorrow? You're not working until Wed, right?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

The beach was a godsend!

I did tag you in a post earlier. 

You have always been so busy do you think a little down time, you time would be helpful. 

A new air con would be nice, it’s been hot down there hasn’t it. Was your old one broken or just needed up dating? 

I want to mow the lawn, clean the house, finish all my washing and bath the dogs! 

I had a GP appointment on Thursday but the medical centre called me today and has moved it to this Saturday. So I get in earlier and can get my referral for a Pdoc. 

Then Sunday and Monday I have nothing! Tuesday I have a psych appointment but I love those appointments. And then yes back to work Wednesday however I do have the Thursday off as I have no babysitter for the dogs 

[tyme]

Do your dogs need someone with them ALL THE TIME? @Captain24 It's a lot. I can see how much you care about them in that you take a day off for them (when you don't have many days to take off!)

I haven't really gone out much in 2 days (which is unusual), and you know what? I feel worse about it. It seems that when I slow down, I actually get worse - maybe that's why I stay busy? I really don't know. Then again, look at the time. I'm mindful that as it gets later into the evening, my thoughts are more likely to be skewed.

I'm confident things will be fine though. 

To be honest, you are pretty go go go yourself. It's this damn black dog that gets in the way.

[Captain24]

They can’t be left for 14 hours @tyme. I just took an annual leave day.

What can you do to just get out? Could you take yourself out for breakfast? Go to a shopping centre just to have a look around? Go for a swim in your pool? 

Evenings are hard. The later it gets the harder it gets. Hopefully being here keeps you occupied for a while. 

I do try to keep going. I do a lot in a couple of days then nothing. If I don’t have anything on then I crash. I’m seem to manage to be busy when I’m not doing well. 

This dog is a bastard! 

[tyme]

Lol, your dog @Captain24 ! Fair enough. 14 hours alone is a very long time! No dogs allowed in the truck?

As for Ruby, I don't know what to do with her... she's weird. When I take her for walks, I think she thinks she's human... and when she sees other dogs, as of this week, she's barking at them - i don't know if she's afraid of them or not. She's confusing my brain!

In terms of staying busy, the hard thing is, one can get super exhausted and burn out. But if you don't keep going, then you crash. It's like a lose-lose situation!

These last two days, i've had to write to-do lists and tick them off because I just couldn't order things in my brain - ADHD? Have you got your ADHD assessment done yet?

I have 'good' news - trivial, but good news. The stupid 'RETURN' key on my laptop was jammed yesterday. I was going to pull it apart, but tonight, it seems all good! At least that's one thing off my to-do list.

[Captain24]

My dogs bark at people and dogs or just nothing! @tyme 

Funny story.. we were in Bunnings and Pix and Jett were in the pram. One of the workers walked past and Jett bit her on the bum!!! Im laughing just typing it!! 

I get that. I get so exhausted but if I force myself to keep going then I fall in a heap. But if I stop it means I have failed and then fall into a heap! I really need to learn to spread things out over a couple of days not all in one. 

I have to write to-do lists all the time. I’ve got one for tomorrow including times! It could be an ADHD thing. 

I am getting a referral on Saturday for a psychiatrist clinic that does ADHD they do bipolar as well so I just need to select a Pdoc. The one that I liked has no vacancy until May. So I can get into other ones quicker. This clinic is Telehealth and does a lot of areas. Some include Melbourne. 

[tyme]

Oooo! That's s really good idea! I want to do a telehealth one because i don't want to travel to whoop whoop. @Captain24 As long as they are not money-making scams though... that's my only concern. I will look around but I'm still not 100% sure I want to go ahead yet. I do some days, and I don't other days.

Yes, all my to do lists have times! 

LOL, Jett bit the person on the bum! That's so naughty! Must've been a juicy one?

Your Jett seriously has character. As for Pix, she's the 'wise' one?

Thanks for the chat tonight. I'm wrapping up now, but will see you tomorrow hopefully 🙂

Take care.

[Captain24]

I have to do everything via Telehealth or it’s a really long wait list. I may never get into a psychiatrist @tyme 

Jett does have character. We were walking towards our car while on holidays. Jett and Pix were in the pram. Jett started barking at a car and it took us a second but it was a candidate for the next election and he had a headshot printed on his car. It was like a photo so Jett was barking at that. We went around to the other side and he saw it again. So yes once again he was barking. I move the pram closer to the car and he jumped to the back of the pram. It scared him! 

Pix just looks down on Jett and Keiko like they are silly little children but she does find her inner child and will play with them. They all played on the beach together. 

My to-do list was a fail today. I’m trying not to beat myself up, but it’s not working. I’m trying to focus on what I have done, which is massive. I just put too much pressure on myself. 

How are you going today? Did you get out? 

[tyme]

Ahhh @Captain24 , that Jett. What a character! I can see why Pix would see them as "fools"?? lol Her doggy brain is probably saying to them "You idiots!"

Yeah, the idea of telehealth is totally okay with me. I don't have issues with telehealth.

You know how I've been at home the last 2 days? Honestly, upon reflection, I've been miserable. Today, I took Ruby for a walk, did the weeding, tidied my place and outside, and had tradies install my air con unit. My next job is to clean up after them. Just to vaccum and mop all the dust etc.

I'm sorry to hear you didn't complete your to-do list. 

Someone said something to me the other day. "If you want to know how to not fail your to-do list, just don't have one!" LOL. 

So yeah... today, I'm still coming up with my to-do list.

[Captain24]

Sounds like you have had a productive day @tyme. Are you at least feeling accomplished? are you feeling even slightly better? Is your air con good? 

I did do 7 loads of washing, cleaned the pantry, cleaned the entire house, bathed the dogs, did grocery shopping and packed it away. I haven’t done the ironing and I haven’t mowed the lawns. That’s what I’m kicking myself over. 

If I don’t have a to do list nothing gets done. It’s like I need to have something to make me accountable.