Lived Experience Forum

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Captain24 ❤️

It must be so exhausting to have these thoughts constantly; I am so sorry

And, like you said, it's been a long time since you've been experiencing this

I think liking ourselves is definitely a journey that everyone struggles with at least some point in our lives

I am still struggling with it 

I know it's been really rough, but surviving is an accomplishment hun, and you've been so strong 

What would be helpful right now? Would you like to chat or maybe contact a crisis line?

We're here for you! Hugs.

Sitting with you 

[Captain24]

Hey @lavenderhaze 

Ive just gotten into bed. I have nightshift tonight so I need to get some sleep. 

The exhaustion is unbearable. The more exhausted I get, the more my dark thoughts get darker, the more exhausted I get. It’s a never ending cycle. 

I’m lying here with SI thoughts circling. Wondering if it’s all even worth it. 

I am safe. 

[lavenderhaze]

That makes a lot of sense @Captain24 ❤️

I can imagine having this constant fight must be so tiring mentally and physically

Do you like listening to music or podcasts?

Sometimes when my brain wont go quiet and I need to sleep, I put something on so I stay distracted and can sleep

I hope you get some sleep hun

If you need to chat or need support, please reach out here - I am on till 3 pm 

[Captain24]

I need to be asleep but my head won’t stop. I’m not going to get through work with no sleep. 

I can’t make anything easy for myself. Why won’t this darkness just swallow me up… 

[Jynx]

Aww @Captain24 

I know well the frustrations that come with inability to sleep. I'm sorry it's so rough, sending you some soothing vibes through the aether 💜🫂

[Captain24]

I don’t feel like I can do this anymore @Jynx. I don’t know how to do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 You do know how to do it - one foot in front of the other hun. And I know it's tiring, and monotonous, and feels like nothing will ever change. But the thing is, the only thing that is ever consistent is that things will change, they always do. It might be slow going, but things won't feel this way forever. That might not fix things or make everything better for you to hear right now, but maybe it'll help instill a smidge of hope 🤞

What time do you have to leave for work? 

[Captain24]

I’m feeling quite hopeless right now @Jynx. I’m feeling really broken and irreparable. 

I leave at 5;30

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I hear you hun. I know the feeling. It sometimes feels like there's no other way we could feel, or like we don't even remember how it feels to not be in this darkness. But please remember you are not your thoughts or your feelings. The mind is a tool, not our identity; feelings are our body's response to our environment, not an indicator of our worth or potential. So even if you feel broken, it does not mean that you are, and that there is no hope. 

[tyme]

Oh @Captain24 ,

I'm sorry to hear it's so hard right now. 

I just saw your message, but you've probably gone to work now. 

Please hold on. Allow yourself to have the time, space and care to heal.

Sitting with you.