I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Thank you for sharing all that. @Jynx. It’s interesting reading. I hope it’s helping you immensely. It’s a lot to take in. I appreciate you sharing with me and I can see a lot of it. It’s just a little too much right now. I’m so sorry

[Captain24]

The slippery slope is getting slipperier

[Jynx]

You need some of those special spiky shoes @Captain24 

Deeeeeep breaths, take a moment to try to centre yourself. 

What do you have the power to change right now?

[Captain24]

I’m sitting here trying not to sob. I don’t know where it’s coming from. @Jynx 

Im not sure what I can do. 

[Captain24]

I feel sick

[Jynx]

@Captain24 It's gonna be ok hun. I reckon where it's coming from is that you got overloaded by what I shared earlier and it pushed you just far enough outside your window of tolerance for floodgates to open and emotions to come pouring out. And that's okay, it's not something either of us need to apologise for, it happens. But I mean if you do feel wronged I will absolutely be accountable to that. 

Did you get the time to work on your safety plan/coping strats for when you feel like this? It's okay if you didn't, just seeing what resources we might be able to lean into. 

[Captain24]

Oh no.. I really appreciated what you shared. @Jynx. It was really helpful. I should have been more careful. I was on tenterhooks already. Totally my fault. I thought I could handle it. 

No we haven’t worked on my SP. been to busy restricting my stupid useless brain. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 if we could always accurately predict what is going to set us off, well none of us would get set off would we? Like me last week, I got hit with a huge meltdown with lots of anger, tears, and many screams into my pillow. Afterwards I was like 'wtf just happened?' cos the reaction was soooo much bigger than what I would expect for the trigger. 

See? Nothing either of us needs to be sorry for. So no, not your fault, just the way the dominoes fell tonight. 

That's ok! We focus on what we do have. How do you go with crisis lines these days, does that feel approachable? Like LL chat?

Another thing to check in with yourself on is your basic needs - have you had enough water and food today? Do you need to shower? Are you underslept? All potential factors.

[Captain24]

I’m still not confident in calling. @Jynx. I know that I’m suppose to but it just feels too hard. 

I’ve taken my meds. But I did consider….

Ive eaten properly which isn’t easy. I don’t drink water. I came off nightshift yesterday morning and I’ve had a lot of sleep since. I had a hot bath earlier. I’ve been in the front room and read. 

It’s not as though I haven’t tried. 😢 

[Jynx]

Nah don't 'should' all over yourself @Captain24 (or in this case 'supposed to' all over yourself) if you don't feel confident calling then it's not the right option - is it the same with the chat service they provide? That's what I linked above, can be a lot less overwhelming to be typing not talking. 

You considered, but chose not to, and that's what's worth focusing on. 

I didn't think for a second that you haven't been trying darlin, it's entirely what you've been doing the whole time!! And you are also reaching out on forums too, add that to the list. Don't forget the power of your breath - 60 seconds is all you need to lower heart rate and start giving the body signals that you're safe. And always remember that NO EMOTION LASTS FOREVER, ever! 

Okay I do gotta scram - sending you ALL the soothing vibes, the big warm hugs, and fortitude and resilience I can muster. HNNNNNG pop! Sent!! Catch you tomorrow if you're about, hope you can get some rest soon darlin 🫂😊💜