I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It was amazing but unsettling at the same time. @tyme. She told me to replay it everyday. I see her again on Tuesday then I will see her Christmas Eve. I see her 2 weeks in a row and then 2 weeks off. 

Im trying to do the right things but being at work has kept me busy. Hence being tired. It’ll be interesting when I have days off. 

Have you had rescripting? 

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

Yeah true.. it’s been a lot. @tyme. I shouldn’t be so self-centred. Sorry

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Huh? Self-centred? Did I miss something? Did I say you were?

But yes, really really amazing. I look forward to hearing whether you can apply that same skill to other memories too.

[tyme]

Not so much with rescripting @Captain24 . My therapy was very different. It was more about mentalising others as opposed to turning the thought process inward. 

I guess it's partly because BPD is influenced strongly by external factors. Every subtle change in the environment can cause a flare up of episodes.

Whereas with your thought process, they seemed to more be internal and punishing yourself? Is that fair to say?

Anyway, hope to continue this convo tomorrow? 

[Captain24]

I meant me thinking of myself and you reading my posts when I new you were busy @tyme 

[tyme]

Nah @Captain24 ,

I'm glad you told me to read them because I wouldn't've wanted to miss it!

Hugs to you @Captain24 . You've made my evening 🙂

[Captain24]

Yes @tyme mine is all internal. I believe all the bad stuff people tell me. I’m the one that thinks I’m a failure if I’m not good enough. I’m the one that beats myself up over every little thing. The no confidence comes from within. 

How do you control external factors if that’s what triggers a flare up? Is it all the self care stuff? 

I go to work tonight so I’ll be off here at 5:30 as I drive. I work through to Sunday night so I won’t be around much. 

By Wednesday night when we can talk properly I will have seen my psych again. I’m a little unsure of the appointment as she did so much this week. I find it kinda scary that she manipulated a memory. But it’s also a good thing as it changes perspective. I feel nan and pops unconditional love when I reprocess it. Which I’ve been doing my homework and thinking of it a lot. 

[Captain24]

It’s so wet here that I’m open plan area floor is wet. It’s as if I’ve washed it. My kitchen bench is wet and I have cleaned it and wiped it off twice! 

Such shitty weather! With days of it still to come. 

[Ru-bee]

Oh wow @Captain24 how frustrating! Does this usually happen in really wet weather?

I know we're about to have a wet weekend which is frustrating because I've been wanting to get out of the house, guess I'll have to fish out the umbrella from the back of the wardrobe

[Captain24]

It does @Ru-bee but not to this extent. But at the same time it hasn’t stopped raining and it’s really humid! Even my kitchen cupboards have moisture on them. 

I’ve got work every night this weekend. That’s really horrible because everything gets so slippery and the trucks slide badly. Plus being parked up of a night is hard. You’re body knows it should be asleep so if your not doing anything you get really tired! 

I hope your weekend isnt as wet as expected and you get some time outside. 

[Ru-bee]

Oh that sounds like extra challenging conditions to work in @Captain24 I'll be sending out dry and safe thoughts all weekend, hopefully they get to you

Do you have any rainy-day activities to do today?