Not sure where I am at

[Appleblossom]

I am glad to hear how you are .. just as you are.

I have a big aspie side and I think you can tell by most of my posts that I have never had much os a sense of nuerotypical brain wiring .. things are often topsy turvy for me.

Hope work takes your mind off things.

[Former-Member]

Hi @chookmojo

You've had so much going on lately, sometimes it catches up with us. And some down time is ok too,  i think. We all need it sometimes.

Be gentle with yourself, and try to do some of the things that you used to enjoy, because even if you find it hard to start, sometimes it feels good once you get started again,

LJ

[chookmojo]

Thanks @lisajane - That is such good advice, to just get started, because it really does work!

I am back at work today and doing pretty good. I think it is helping break me out of the 'lie facedown on the couch' habit that was forming!

I have made a huge long list of things I would like to do at home and in the yard, and by the end I was getting itchy to start. Also my husband suggested that I plant out some 'clucker tucker' seeds that I bought but hadn't had a chance to use, and get that growing and established for when we do get more chooks and that had a galvanising effect.

[chookmojo]

Thanks @Appleblossom, work is deifnitely giving me other things to think about, and is helping to get me back into task mode. I have supervision with my new boss in 20minutes and I am a bit nervous!

[chookmojo]

Thanks to everyone bearing with me and supporting me through the 'glumps' over the last little bit.

Being back at work has helped a lot - mostly because my brain LOVES to come up with non-work related ideas when I am at work - it's a way of putting things on the backburner and letting my unconscious mind sort things out. So I solve coding and reporting issues in my sleep and plan garden reno's at my desk. Hey the job gets done.

Anyhow things have shifted a bit and my mood is a lot better, and I am feeling a bit creative and chirpy.

I had a fantastic idea for building a new chicken run/coop in a new location in the yard which would solve a host of issues and completely relieve me about fox attacks as thy would be completely protected, it would also stop the influx of food thieving pigeons and mynahs - who also tend to carry disease and vermin which then gets onto the chickens.

The only hitch is that my husband has to approve, so I am waiting on his final word before I can get construction underway. If he doesn't agree I am not sure that I will get more chooks as I am just not happy enough with the previous situation to repeat it. I hope he comes around to my way of thinking though as it solves ALL of my reservations and makes me excited to have chickens again.

Had another good session with my  'headologist' last night - mostly discussing the ASD diagnosis and how I feel about that (fan-freaking-tastic! For the first time in my life I don't feel like a failure of a human being! My perpetual sense of being a 'Bad Person' is really shifting with this new information.) And a fair bit of discussion around my relationship with my husband and some of the challenges caused by my issues (Alphabet soup time: GAD, SAD, ED, PTSD, Agoraphobia, ASD, SPD, SH ) in combination with his issues too (depression/alcoholism/extreme avoidance) and how my lack of empathy and bluntness tends to clash with his extreme empathy and sensitivity and cause what I call ‘glitches and snits’.

I did raise with him that I wanted to talk more about the ASD and how it impacts our relationship, but he is having a really hard time at work (which has seriously been the case pretty much for the last 6 years with maybe 3x3months breaks) so it is almost impossible to find time to have a proper ‘talk’ – he is always too exhausted and stressed. If we could afford it I would let him quit work and keep going myself as he just needs to get out of there. At least he is FINALLY talking about maybe looking for another job. I just want him to be happy!

I went to personal training this morning and had a substitute as my regular trainer is sick. I had this substitute before when my trainer was overseas and I really like her. She has bi-polar disorder and we can talk quite openly about metal health challenges, anyhow she SLAUGHTERED me. I mean it was great and an amazing workout but geez I can hardly move and dread to think of how sore I will be tomorrow.  Might have a salt bath tonight if I can be bothered cleaning out the tub.

On Saturday I am going to see The Drones play at the Forum – which is pretty exciting as it will be the first time I will be testing out my anxiety meds with a public event like that. The Forum is one of my favourite venues and I have a particular spot that works really well for me, mostly out of the way and just able to enjoy the show without being jostled on all sides constantly. And it is so beautiful with the starry ceiling and blue glow. I can sort of get off into my own world a bit.

I need to stop buying books for a while. It is too, too easy on the kindle to just buy things that look interesting and I am burning through my discretionary income like a maniac. Plus I have SO many books that I haven’t read yet. Have been working my way through a series of romance novels over the last month. They aren’t very good at all, but they are exactly the kind of undemanding fluff that works as a break from epic fantasy series, and technical manuals. And I have been buying a lot of ‘real’ books lately too. I had a ban on that for several years after getting the kindle. Well the damn has burst and ALL the books will be mine!!

Oh dear.

[Jacques]

Hi @chookmojo,

i am so glad you are feeling better, i was quite worried about you a caouple of days ago when you where struggling with work, so it is nice to read that things are back on track again.

I really hope your husband approves the chook house, their is nothing like listening to hens clucking about in the garden, i don't have any but the farm next door does, so i listen to them clucking all day, they have a rooster too, but i am not so fond of him because he crows all day, from 6 am through till 5 pm.

I hope your hustband is able to find another job, i have never had a job, but i could imagine it would be quite distressing to go into work every day to a place you dislike. 

Hang in their @chookmojo, and remember celebrate the good days.

oh P.S. i have 6,000 ebooks, i have only read 200 of them!!!!!

[Former-Member]

Wow @chookmojo, So glad to hear that you're feeling so good. And that being at work is great too! I hope you are able to move when you get to the concert after your big workout. I love that work out pain though.. Its kind of a good pain.. you know you worked hard and are achieving something lol!

Good luck, definitely do that salt bath~

LJ

[Appleblossom]

lol .. Glad you are more chipper and creative juices are flowing again.

Yes there is a limit to how many books we can read .. the advantage of real books is that they take up space.  Bookshelves take up space and houses are only so big ... so we STOP buying and read or walk or talk...and manage or stem the flow of information.

Love your alphabet soup .. pity its not a joy to eat.

There are differences between new generation and old generation coders ... some of the oldies are sheepish about the effect of the revenge of the nerds has had on the whole world ...my son seems sure the new ways are better than the old .. I am not vested in either, just sitting in the margins making the odd comment.

Re being empathic .. would it help to approach it from a problem solving manner? Other person not happy ... want other person to be happy .. put self in their position .. see if any kindred feeling emerges

As an extreme introvert early on in life I always felt a lot of compassion and understanding about things I witnessed but there was no room for me to express it .. Later I found some empathic people more fond of waving moral high ground flags and unaware of trampling my delicate sympathies .. problem is if we say we are not empathic then those creative juices dont flow in the areas of understanding "other".

Just talking.

[chookmojo]

@Appleblossom 

I definitely have to make care of others or 'sensitivity' a task, and that is how I have been managing for many, many years - adding in caring behaviours and questions into my chore list. In fact people would probably say that I am generally considerate, kind and caring because I am REALLY good at doing things for others in compensation for the fact that I can't offer much in the way of feeling or empathy. they would also say I am REALLY self centred (which is true). 

Putting myself in others' shoes doesn't seem to help much because I seem to respond very differently in the same circumstances.

I am very happy to listen (ok I am willing for a while, then I am bored or anxious) if someone wants to emotionally unload but get really stuck when it is time for me to give a response that isn't a solution or action. I find facilitory noises and phrases, or comforting words and gestures REALLY difficult and they tend not to come out congruently, or I get the expression or tone all wrong.

Telling me what is needed means I will have a reference for next time (and this is how I have built up the social skills that I have over many years of effort) - but it won't change the fact that I am doing it by rote, according to a cascading set of rules. And if I hit a combination I have never had before then I am stumped.

This about sums it up.

The longer I know someone and the more we interact the less forced seeming it becomes, but it is still always a conscious effort.

Not sure I understand about creative juices and empathy and understanding 'other'.

I have always deciphered others by learning, learning, learning, trial and error and observing patterns; I consider that a creative response to the problem of communication and it has nothing to do with empathy or understanding. But it seems like I am missing the point 🙂

Hehehe having real books never slowed me down, it is just a lot cheaper and more convenient on the kindle. I love to have tonnes of books around because I learn by osmosis. I don't have to pick something up and READ it for it to start to sink in...just being around it tends to make connections in my brain.

[chookmojo]

Thanks @Jacques

No need to worry about me, I get a bit moopy at times but have never had anything even close to proper depression - for all that I am a cynic and a worry wort I am generally a very happy person. Doesn't often take long for a glum mood to shift.

Yeah I do hope hubby comes around to my side - chooks are my people!

And I do very much hope that he gets a job that he enjoys like I enjoy mine. He has had a really bad run with jobs over the last 6 years... but then so did I till this last one, so it is possible.

WOW! You have a lot of ebooks. How did you end up with so many? I tend to go on association sprees. So I will come across a book or idea and look it up, and then the 'Others who bought this also liked' suggestions get me, and then I go on to the suggestions form the second book, and so on.... It's a glorious rabbit hole of bookish goodness.