Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Teag]

Hi all,

My husband has a history of paranoia (intrusive thoughts) about me. To be clear it's not a controlling domestic issue - there is not physicality or intimidation involved. They are more like short arguments which tend go away.

What I wanted help with is: When it does come up, I find myself having to defend myself and try to explain rationally why his thoughts are unwarranted. In the process of trying to defend myself I feel like he is not convinced because in other conversations he talks about gaslighting. It feels like if I'm not guilty of the crime he thinks, then I'm guilty of covering it up and making him think he is crazy. The issue never really seems to resolve and the way to deal with it is wait until enough time passes so that he forgets about it. 

Is there a better way to handle this interaction, because what I'm currently doing is not working well. As for him - he has been hesitant to seek treatment but I think we may be turning a corner on that.

[tyme]

That's a tough one @Teag .

Really, if the paranoia is becoming more intrusive, it sounds like he does need help. I hope he does eventually succumb to this as I read it is very upsetting for you.

What's harder is that he firmly believes in these thoughts and it would be difficult to convince him otherwise.

Have you spoken to him about how it is making  you feel? (ie, not to pull down the paranoia), but to explain how you are feeling about the challenges in the relationship?

[Sione]

@Teag 

I will never listen to the voices again. They are trying to control us. They punish us for not cooperating. They are manipulative. They use many psychological manipulation techniques. They are antichrist. They want me to stop believing in JESUS CHRIST. They get angry whenever I pray and read the Bible. They always distrupt my thought processes with interrupting questions and they can cause disordered thinking or disorientation. They got angry that I was silently praying at work on a quiet night shift at the quarantine hotel in August 2020. They can use voice mimicking to create the sound of scenes such as loved ones being tortured to manipulate my decision-making. They want us to become delusional. If your husband wants to try the method which helped me deal with the voices then let him know that I prayed to God and always tried to remain grounded in the faith. I believe that JESUS IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE!

[NatureLover]

@Sione  Please do not tell people to follow religion. There are people on this forum (including myself) that have Religious Trauma Syndrome as a result of abuse from the church or religion. Your post is triggering and dangerous for me. Plus it's against the forum rules to tell people how to live their lives. 

One of those rules states: "Everyone has different beliefs and values. It is okay to share your own, but it's not acceptable to criticise other's beliefs or pressure anyone to follow your beliefs and values."

Please see the Guidelines on Respect .

Thanks. 

[Sione]

@NatureLover 

I want to help @Teag husband because I am going through a similar problem and the LORD has blessed me in the presence of my enemies (intrusive thoughts or intrusive voices in my head). I was sedated and involuntarily hospitalized back in January 2022 because I was sleep deprived and behaving very paranoid in the context of experiencing intrusive thoughts or auditory hallucinations. It sounded like external voices covertly communicating with my mind - almost like I'm telepathic. They comment on my thoughts, my thought processes, my visualisations, my eye fixation, my behaviour, my physiological responses, the music I listen to on my earphones, etc. The voices are very argumentative and dismissive. They force me to listen to their misinformation and alternative narratives non-stop 24/7 for many months which can cause me to become delusional. It can feel like the voices are using techniques similar to "psychic driving" to brainwash me. I have noticed that @Teag mentioned "The issue never really seems to resolve...Is there a better way to handle this interaction, because what I'm currently doing is not working well." I wanted to answer her question because what she is doing is "not currently working well". I'm sorry if I was too overzealous in trying to suggest the method that was successful for helping me deal with an experience that resembles that of @Teag husband. I am also sorry about triggering your Religious Trauma Syndrome. I believe I might have a similar undiagnosed problem which I will describe as ANTI-RELIGIOUS/ANTI-CHRISTIAN TRAUMA SYNDROME as a result of prolonged abuse by the voices in my head. It can feel like the voices are psychologically torturing me in order to break my relationship with God so that I could be more vulnerable to many of their immoral suggestions, such as suicide, treachery, joining criminal organisations, etc. The voices have also voice mimicked my loved ones being tortured for many months non-stop 24/7 whenever I try to cope with everything happening to me by reading my Bible and praying to God. Today the LORD has blessed me in the presence of my enemies (the voices) and I want to share the good news with all who are willing to be open-minded. I will try in future to word my testimony in a way that complies with the forum rules. I want to share with @Teag what has worked for me without appearing like I'm pressuring her to follow my beliefs and values. Would I be in compliance with the forum rules if I added "no pressure" in brackets after my suggestion to "Pray to God" and "Remain grounded in the faith"? I have edited my earlier post in hope that it will now comply with the forum rules. Please forgive me because I inadvertently triggered your Religious Trauma Syndrome. I wanted to share with others of the good news of Jesus Christ our LORD and Saviour because it has saved my life many times.

[NatureLover]

Thank you for your apology, @Sione  I appreciate it. 

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@Sione wrote:

Would I be in compliance with the forum rules if I added "no pressure" in brackets after my suggestion to "Pray to God" and "Remain grounded in the faith"?

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I think that this is still telling people how to live their lives, which is against the rules. You are using the command voice grammatically. 

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@Sione wrote:

I want to share with @Teag what has worked for me without appearing like I'm pressuring her to follow my beliefs and values. 

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You have hit on it when you say "I did this and it helped me". That's all you can say here on the forums. But that is fine to say. We are allowed to share our own experiences. 

I wish you the best in your battle with the voices.