Supporting and promoting the well-being of mental health carers and their families.
Mental Health Carers Austalia.
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09-02-2020 02:23 PM
09-02-2020 02:23 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
@outlander may also be good to do an 'advanced health directive' with him while he's still ok some of the time. It's a legal document where he can state what treatments he will and won't accept and who he does and doesn't want to be involved and even make decisions for/about him when the time comes. My Mum has one these days. I think you can get it from your doctor - if not they'll know where to get it from.
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09-02-2020 03:38 PM
09-02-2020 03:38 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
You might find this dementia website helpful - here is their response to the question you are asking.
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09-02-2020 04:43 PM
09-02-2020 04:43 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
@outlander Great advice you have received below from community members wlth real life experience .. I'm afraid this is fortunately something I haven't had to face into yet so not really helpful on this topic - however sending you resilience and carer hugs 🤗
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09-02-2020 04:47 PM
09-02-2020 04:47 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
hello @outlander
it is better to tell him than to lie about it
my mum thnks she is getting dementia , as she says she is forgetting things
I am not sure if her`s is dementia or old aged dementia
it is hard as a friend rang me last night ( I used to look after her when she was little ), her husband has dementia -- soo sad , he is only young
she was soooo upset yesterday and rang me up to have a tallk , we spend a long time talking xxx
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09-02-2020 06:47 PM - edited 10-02-2020 10:36 AM
09-02-2020 06:47 PM - edited 10-02-2020 10:36 AM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
@outlander, whether he needs to be told/reminded that he has dementia is a bit uncertain. If he's largely unaware of it, it can be better sometimes to let it be rather than cause distress when he can't do anything about it, and won't remember what you've said ten minutes later.
My Dad was aware that his memory was playing up on him, and it bothered him. Now that he's in care, and knows that others are looking after the things he can't remember to do, he seems a lot more content. He's intelligent, so I'd tell him "The Diary (day to day memory) is playing up, but the Encyclopedia (long term knowledge) is still working". I wonder if that might help your Pop- being realistic about "You're forgetting things a bit, but....(point out something he's still good at that would really count for him)".
I don't draw attention to it when Dad forgets things. I'll tell him again as if it was the first time, and maybe sometimes the repetition helps him take it in... but I'm not around him every day. Mum used to get cross with him repeating himself, but I wonder if that was partially because it scared her to see him forgetting. He was the one who'd always been responsible for keeping track of bills and finances, and I think she felt a bit lost and confused when all that came back onto her.
I do agree you need some respite time out, but without an aged care assessment that might be hard to access? Yes, he would find losing his licence hard, but it sounds like he's past the point where he's safe to drive. My Dad's driving got pretty scary over time, and my sister and I were actually hugely relieved when the car broke down and he couldn't get it fixed, so he stopped driving. It made it hard for them to get around, but the alternative was that an accident was becoming a "when" not an "if", and who knows how serious it could have been.
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09-02-2020 08:32 PM
09-02-2020 08:32 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
I'm not sure what you should do. Probably take the advice of experts perhaps.
Sorry I'm of no use @outlander
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09-02-2020 08:49 PM
09-02-2020 08:49 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
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09-02-2020 08:53 PM
09-02-2020 08:53 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
And don't be sorry about lack of response. Take your time to consider them. And write back if and when you are ready. Nobody thinks less of you hun
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09-02-2020 08:58 PM
09-02-2020 08:58 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
My horses are flooded in completely but are safeNo access to them at all via the roads so thr nearby neighbours are keeping an eye out. Cant believe we were terrified of fires not to long ago!
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09-02-2020 10:10 PM
09-02-2020 10:10 PM
Re: Do i tell him he has dementia?
Stay safe @outlander. We've had flooding here a few years back, not fun.