Desperately need advice.

[WannyP]

I've been with my partner for 6 years. He's an alcoholic & a bipolar sufferer.

He attends AA & was recently sober for a year. He relapsed and has now been sober for a couple of weeks - I think!

The problem is, it's often hard to know whether he's been drinking or is just having a bipolar episode. I had some bad news today and he was slurring his speech, drinking coffee after coffee then went to sleep.

The symptoms are so similar at times. He doesn't understand why I question him but his behaviour is so weird. I'm tired of it.

I would like to be able to rely on him when I'm feeling bad, not worrying about whether he's drinking or having a bipolar moment. 

Thanks for listening. Any advice appreciated.

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @WannyP 

It sounds like you love your partner but its hard to have a fulfilling life when the support is only going one way.  You mentioned he has AA, but does he have good support from family and friends?

It's a very hard scenario. Like many who look after others, I hope you take time out to understands your own needs and work out if you can deal with his issues at this point in time or if you need to take time out to prioritise yourself. It's also going to cause you suffering asking if he can support you when he is not capable due to his own challenges. 

Is looking after him causing you suffering at the moment? Is he capable of having a conversation where you can tell him that he needs to find himself more support? 

[WannyP]

Hey. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
His alcoholism has done a lot of damage and even though he is sober & making the effort to get himself right, I do think I'm suffering from PTSD as a result.
You're right - I need to take care of me first.
Whatever happens beyond that I really can't worry about. My biggest problem is I find it difficult to put myself first and to NOT focus as much on him.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @WannyP,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

I just read your post and wanted to say hi. I also wanted to let you know that a close family member of mine also has bipolar and I am an emotional support for them so I can understand somewhat around the rollercoaster that you may be on. I can only offer you my lived experience but in my situation my family member whilst very loving can only handle so many stressors and even though I know they may want to help me when I am struggling I've found that it can overwhelm them at times. I have found in my case it is better not to share to much with them around things that are causing me stress because they just can't cope (even though I know that what to be supportive). Instead I reach out to other friends and family that can help.

I would encourage you to prioritise your own wellbeing first. I get that's hard because I was a person that would prioritise everyone's needs before my own too until I almost had a breakdown and realised that not only was it not selfish to put myself first but it was essential. I really believe in the saying `you can't drink from an empty cup". If we have no batteries left how can we possibly help anyone else? The thing I realised from my experience was that whilst my family member had a lot of professional support (which was great), I had none. I was just expected to have broad shoulders and be able to manage even though I had no experience of being a carer to someone with a serious mental health diagnosis.

I would really encourage you to reach out for some support for yourself. I will list some here:

- Carers Australia 

- Carer Gateway 

The SANE Support Centre is also available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 187 263) or webchat.

We also have the SANE Guided services which is our new guided service that provides free digital and telehealth services and ongoing tailored support to people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers SANE Guided Service. 

I wish you and your partner all the best and as someone that understands somewhat what you are going through I would really encourage you to get some support for yourself.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

PS. a couple of tips to help you get started on the forums:

Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

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[Bugsbunny]

Mental health is
So complex
You the carer must be extremely hard got you
But it’s tough trying to look after your self
Some said to one
I can’t control it
I did not cause it
I can’t change it
Learning to look after our self is hard when so much stress is around the person we care for
Maybe baby steps to getting back to reclaiming your life back I wish you both the very best

[ClockFace]

Im an ex-alcoholic and have BP2 w/ psychotic features. I did inpatient rehab Nov 21 and followed with a 9 week program based on ACT. 

I still struggle with wanting to drink, especially in difficult times. Given the right circumstances I would get hammered with little question. It is a life long battle.

I might be wrong but slurred speech isnt a Bipolar symptom. I mean high and low moods, actions that go along with those things yeah. Slurred speech though, hammering coffee. 

Im not a particularly pessimistic person but I would think he is still struggling. Its an illness, Im not a fan of AA but he needs treatment, and understanding which it sounds like your giving. But as for providing support, he may not be up to the task, at least not for now.