Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[hiddenite]

Hi Peace

Thank you for caring, something I'm not used to. 

I am relieved there is somewhere I can come where I am not judged and others can understand what I am going through, I am very grateful.

I didn't think anyone would care whether I got through another day.

Hope you are ok and things are improving for you.

Take care

[hiddenite]

Oh and was only threatened that they would ring the police and an ambulance today. Not sure whether that's better than the Catt team or not. Still waiting for their phone call.

Going to be a long night..... 

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @hiddenite, have you made some notes on what you need to say when you get the phone call? Sometimes what we need to say isn't what we want to say, and I am reading that you do not want be admitted to an mhu. Tricky thing is though, what would help you navigate these really hard moments, hours and days? What does your GP advise?
What's worked for you before?

[Baboo]

hiddenite,

Wondering how your night went, im glad you have had some good support from the forum here.

Baboo

[CherryBomb]

Hi @hiddenite 

I've not yet had a chance to introduce myself **opening arms to give you a welcoming hug (if you accept)**

I just read over this discussion this discussion thread, you've been through so much, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. The horrible thing about abuse is that it not just physical. The psychological abuse can leave scars, which can take time to heal. People can often internalise violent dialogue that abusers tell them - It can become your own internal dialogue, which can lead you to second guess and be critical of yourself. Though this dialogue are only thoughts, they can feel immensly real. But as you have pointed out before earlier in this conversation, they are just thoughts. Every time you can not act upon them, every time you become aware of them,  that is a huge gain in battling the horrible internal dialogue. It's a step in the direction of being kind to yourself - something that probably feels very foreign for you right now, as it seems like kindness has been sparse for quite sometime being so isolated and in an abusive relationship. It doesn't help that your parents say rotten things to you. I'm glad that you've come here. When people in your life can't give you kindness or support, seek it from people who can provide it, which I hope members on  this Forums can do (looks they have so far!). You deserve support and kindness becaues despite what you think and tell yourself, you are worthy of it.  

It's terrible that you've not been able to find help from health professionals. I'm saddened to hear this because you've tried. While it can seem like you can't do anything, you've been so resourceful and proactive coming on here and talking about what you're going through. As @Chris pointed out and many others in this discussion have pointed out. It's not your fault, and it doesn't mean that you are helpless, but perhaps you have not found the right help yet. It can be like a jigsaw puzzle finding the right piece that fits and works. 

Have you heard from the CAT Team yet? Let us know how it goes...

Stay safe @hiddenite , we're here for you. 

[hiddenite]

Hi Baboo

Yes I have written out what to say to the Catt team. 

My night was awful the person from the Catt team was a male, had to relive trauma and questioned for an hour. Triggers, flashbacks, anxiety, hard to breathe, chest pain and shaking, still haven't managed to control.

Have waited all day to hear back from them.

Still nothing...anxiety awful...

[hiddenite]

Hi Sandy

My gp wants me to go to the Melbourne clinic but at $1500 a day I cannot afford it. Mitcham private $885 a day.

Other option is the mhu I went to in October who said they couldn't help me.

It helps me to make a contract with someone that I will not harm myself or suicide. 

That holds me responsible for my actions.

The other thing is to have someone challenge my negative comments, offer positive options and other ways of looking at what has happened.

Putting the blame back on him instead of me. 

But seeing I have no support, professional, no friends, my gp is unhappy about me being able to stay safe.

And can see that I am deteriorating.

Thanks

[hiddenite]

Hi Cherry Bomb

I am grateful for the hug I certainly do need one. Feel very alone, distressed, and overwhelmed. 

Still waiting to hear the Catt teams decision.

Feel like I've been backed into a corner and out of options.

Thanks for your kindness

Take care

[Baboo]

Have you rang them back today @hiddenite?

if im waiting on a call back from a health or welfare service and they dont call back when they said they would. i ring them 😉 some times to get help you need to chase people.

Can i ask you some more intrusive questions? i dont want to offend- let me know if i do:

What have you had for breakfast lunch and dinner today?

Have you had a shower and a cup of tea?

If you take meds- have you had them today?

ps..... im very glad to be hearing back from you today 🙂

At very least- you can chat with all us here- and i think thats really good to have.

Baboo

[hiddenite]

Sorry to pathetic to be able to make phone calls.

I haven't eaten in a couple of days.

Nothing

Just had a shower really agitated, distressed

Yes had meds

Questions are a good distraction thanks Baboo