Despair

[hiddenite]

People judge and are so cruel, I cannot help or stop what is happening to me, they think just because I shake I must be on drugs. Think I'm a snob because I cannot talk to them or make eye contact. Just wish someone understands that I'm not a bad person. I'm more scared of them.

Ii feel so ashamed of my thoughts and how dark they are, I don't think anyone can understand that either.

[NikNik]

Well I'm glad you found these forums then. Judgement and cruelness doesn't exist here.

Will you call one of the numbers I mentioned tonight?

It's excellent that you called Suicide call back service before. Will you do that again?

We're moderating until 10pm AEDT tonight, and I just want to make sure you're safe tonight.

Nik

[hiddenite]

Apart from the anger, and crying that describes me perfectly. Sometimes I wish if I could just cry a healthy way to release what I feel, but I am unable.

Some days I become so detached i have to remind myself who I am what day it is and where I am. The other day I went for a walk became so detached I had no idea where I was. Very scary stuff.

I watch myself deteriorate and unable to prevent it.....

[hiddenite]

I will go online to suicide callback unable to make phone calls. Thank you for your time I really appreciate it. 

I'm unable to manage that picture at the top of the page just too triggering. 

You have all been so kind, something I'm not used to. Thank you

[NikNik]

That's great.

It's been really great chatting to you tonight, even though I wish it was under different circumstances.

I'm not sure what type of phone you have, but if you access saneforms.org on your mobile, the picture of the man isn't there.

I will take that feedback on though and see what we can do about it.

Hope to see you on here again soon.

[hiddenite]

Using a tablet. Shaking too bad to use phone.

Thanks for understanding and not judging me....

You have been really helpful.

I have tried 1800 respect, they didn't come up with any help, but gave me advice on managing the symptoms. 

Distract, mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, breathing meditation, using senses, grounding techniques, breaking my day into hours, posative affirmations. 

Too unwell now to be able to use these, just darkness.

Take care

[Alessandra1992]

You take care too @hiddenite...

[NikNik]

Good on you for taking that step though.

They are a good ongoing resource, maybe not ideal for tonight.

Keep on with suicide call back service.

[Uggbootdiva]

@Alessandra1992 paddington bear ! kids books work for me too.

@hiddenite. you know those people try to blame you because THEY have failed. you are NOT beyond redemption and help. like someone else said you haven't found the right person for you. I pray that you do.

[peace]

@hiddenite I really want to say hello. I'm peace, well that is my goal anyway. I'm just coming out of a anxiety /fear episode (don't really know what to call it ). I get them frequently and i am unable to eat or do anything, I am in panic for days then it lifts. I have been diagnosed wiith PTSD, anxiety, depression and the social anxiety and there maybe more. Hiddenite I can so relate to what you have been writing about. I could've almost written it myself. So I honestly get you. One thing though is that i have not had such bad treatment from psych 's. Damn girl that really sucks. I don't like using phone chat/helpline either. Isn't Internet a life saver.
I have only just been taken a little more seriously by my psychiatrist of 8 yr (i think) and he is working on some new meds for me rather than the standard anti-depressants.. For years beforehand I just thought I was weak and pathetic along with a tirade of other put downs that I am sure you could relate to.
Rick had some excellent advise as too NikNik.
Go for it girl and please be a little bit more gentle and understanding with you. You are affected by MI not everything can be controlled by will /mind power. You know you wouldn't be this way if you had a choice.
Sorry for raving on its just i have a lot of empathy for you.
Hang in there

Peace be within you