Anxiety is high

[BlueBay]

@Snowie all I need to do tomorrow morning is - a drs appt at 9am then pick up  fish. 
then home to make tiramisu and tidy up. 

yeah traffic is crazy here too!! I live in a tourist spot so everyone is down here!!! It will be hectic for 6 weeks. 

 I read your post before. I hope you’re ok. xxx

[Snowie]

Sounds like you are all organised @BlueBay 

Hopefully you can have some down time tomorrow too.

Hard living in a tourist spot. Whilst everyone flocks there, you're thinking about getting out!!

Thanks 💗

[rav3n]

hey there @BlueBay hope that nap was restful, what are you up to tonight? and i hear you're making tiramisu tomorrow? loveeee tiramisu!! 

[BlueBay]

just me and hubby at home @rav3n 

tiramisu is a family favorite. But also making mini pavs and sweet pastries.  
that’s just dessert!!! 

im not used to be home with no kids. Hubby can be a pain at times. 
starting to annoy me. And he has two weeks off. 

[rav3n]

my sister & dad love tiramisu too! all this dessert talk has me craving some sweets @BlueBay 

2 weeks of just hubby and you! it's nice that you're not alone but also i can see how sharing 1-on-1 time with hubby can get frustrating. i feel similarly with my sister, if we're left together for a week, we get on each other's nerves pretty quickly. have you scheduled some time for yourself over the next few weeks? having some me-time/self-care time, even if it's something small like going for a walk by yourself, can help you feel a lil better. 

do you have any holiday plans for the next 2 weeks? 

[BlueBay]

No holidays @rav3n 

We live in a beautiful spot with amazing beaches. So we’ll be down the beach on warm days. 

no I can’t walk alone because he’ll want to come. To be alone I have to go to our bedroom and rest or pretend to read my book. 
even when cooking he’ll stand right next hi me and look.  It really annoys me so much. 

the house is so quiet. There’s not much conversation. That’s why when I see my doctor or pysch I let loose. All my ed motions built up come out. That’s the only time I can cry. 
he doesn’t understand me when I cry. So now I hide it. 

he doesn’t want to know how I am. He doesn’t know that I cry daily while he’s at work. The loneliness is horrible. He can chat and laugh with his co-workers. 
I have no one at home.  Just myself and my thoughts and internal chatter. 

[rav3n]

that's really great that you've got some lovely beaches near you!! i've been meaning to visit the beach this holiday too. @BlueBay 

i'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all this on your own. does hubby know that you find it annoying when he hovers and follows you everywhere? i can imagine how frustrating it can get when all these things build up over time. 

it seems like hubby has people he can talk and unload to, and you deserve your own group of people too. how do you feel about making new friends or joining support groups? 

i'm really glad you have your doctor/psych who you can let loose with. you shouldn't have to hide your emotions in your own home, you are allowed to feeling your feelings. and you can let loose with us too, the forums community are here to listen always. 

[BlueBay]

Thanks for your support @rav3n 

My psych wants me to join some sort of group - but I’m too anxious nervous and don’t trust people. 

i feel I won’t fit in with groups. I’m better with one person not groups. 

[rav3n]

no worries at all @BlueBay 💙

are the other members in the support group also dealing with similar mental health issues? if so, you wouldn't be the only one feeling anxious and distrustful. a couple years back i ran an anxiety support group and a lot of the people in the group had the same fears and concerns - afraid of being judged, feeling like the won't fit in, being invalidated, etc. you're not alone in those fears. i do understand it's not easy trying something new like this, but sometimes we have to face a bit of risk (i.e. attending the support group) before we get rewarded (i.e. making new connections!)

i get what you mean about preferring 1-on-1 over group, i feel the same too. maybe if you do attend one of these support groups, you can be introduced to a couple people in the first session and choose only to connect with the person you relate to most after the session? i'm not sure what the support group guidelines are but if they do allow that, then you can have 1-on-1 convos that way. something to think about!

[BlueBay]

hi @Snowie  and everyone 

I saw a different doctor this morning at my regular clinic. He was so lovely and empathetic.  Took his time with me. I was crying. I think I let out do much pent up emotions. 
my mood is very low, distressed about our finances. The pressure of everything has hit me badly that I’ve been having terrible thoughts to do something. 
I told him I’m a burden to everyone including him. Kept saying sorry for wasting his time. 
my BP was extremely high as was my heart rate. He’s given me a med to help with headaches. 

he wants to see me next Tuesday. 

I just wish life was easier with less stress. But it’s not. 
I’m so angry at my mum. 
I’m sooooo overwhelmed right now.