Night Shift

[Shaz51]

yes i know @Appleblossom,

[Mazarita]

Hi everyone,

Almost 1am here. Tried to sleep earlier but was just laying there with thoughts racing and getting hot flashes (these started in the past couple of weeks though I've been getting signs of menopause for quite some time). Feeling upbeat tonight nonetheless. This is part of my problem with sleeping too. I often feel at my most upbeat and mentally energetic after midnight and terrible in the mornings, which makes it so very tempting to stay awake into the night. But I've just taken a sleep aid because I really don't want to be up all night this time round, so may only be here for a little while longer. I use the sleep medication rarely and only in half doses, prescribed by GP. I've also gone a day without the green today with 7 cigarettes for the day (that's less than my current reduction target from the psychologist). Glad for my small success with this for today at least.

I wonder if there's anyone around at this hour still who feels like a short chat before I get too sleepy...

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Mazarita

Its me Im here, how are you?

I completely forgot you are giving up the green......now we can surmise this is a big factor that your having sleeping problems ......

xx

[PeppiPatty]

Privately...@LittleBuddha had a turn this afternoon and we have been speaking about it.........it''s been very honest that we can speak about it with no judgement 

[Former-Member]

Heythere Mazarita,

I hope you do get some sleep and a rest from racing thoughts.  I havent been able to sleep either,too frustrated wth not knowing stuff.

Well done on going wthout the green!

LJ

[PeppiPatty]

Hi LJ are you allowed to talk about today ? At least your talking here ....thinking about you honey 

[Former-Member]

Hi Peppipatty,

glad that you were able tohave an honest chat, seems like things are going well!

lj

[Mazarita]

Hi @PeppiPatty,

I'm aware my mental health issues that are not at all helped by the green. I always did have sleep problems even before I started with it though (when I was about 35, after my divorce). With addictions, even knowing everything that's bad about it doesn't stop the compulsions unfortunately, or even always motivate change. I am motivated but I'm also addicted, sadly.

Sorry to hear that your husband had a 'turn'. What do you mean by that? Do you mean he too was using green? It's great that you are able to talk openly together and without judgement. I really hesitated to open up about my use of green on the forum. There are probably people here who do judge me for it. But it seems helpful to be able to be as honest as possible about it.

Hi @Former-Member,

I will get to sleep before too long I think. I too am wondering how today went but understand if you can't talk about it. Thanks for the encouragement!

[PeppiPatty]

Yes, I lle need to go too but I was thiking the same about  @Former-Member

@Former-Member your on my thoughts ...and your two children always....

My husband has had more than green. He gave it all up to be with me. It's very stressful to be open about green on an open forum like this @Maritza....

A turn means that he had a moment of delusions. It was only scary becuase it always brings back memories ....to me.....of what he was like before he gave up. He is my possum because he thinks people should be open that these types of 'compulsions,' is about self medication. 

 it's about forgivemess. Its certainly not your fault .....I feel like Im having 2 conversations at the moment you two because he's up and wants to talk..........but I mean @Mazarita your journey is certainly not your fault....your compulsions.....my hub...says these things like...self medication are down almost like...unconciously.....

You have given me so much of slowing down and staying in the moment and as I rush off to be present for my partner...thankyou xxx 

[Mazarita]

@PeppiPatty I understand now what has happened at your place and that it could be scary, especially with bad memories triggered. Glad you have been able to talk together about it. I'm looking forward to when Arafmi starts up for you. I do take responsibility that it is me choosing to have the green or not. At the same time, the compulsions are very strong. My psychologist has said that I have an unusually strong dependence on it. I understand completely what your husband says about it being self-medication. There may even be other factors. I'm very interested in the 'the unconscious' and what it does without the permission of our conscious mind. But I'll save that conversation for another time as it is a deep one. Thanks for your kind thoughts. See you tomorrow mate. ox