Night Shift

[CherryBomb]

Haha, we could do nights out @Former-Member at different places! I like this idea!

[Former-Member]

Oh dear @Former-Member hope she is ok, remember you can only control you, and you can only do so much,
Lj

[Mazarita]

Hi everyone,

My mood is down again today, sorry. So tired in my body. Couldn't even muster the energy to type here earlier. Computer is something I can normally do even when down. Didn't make it to the beach this morning or out of the flat today, not even to check the mail. Haven't had a shower for a week. Partner has just walked silently out of the flat after another unhappy exchange over managing my smoking. Hard to explain the complicated power dynamic that has come into play there. Don't know where he's gone or when he'll be back. This is extraordinary behaviour from him so I know I've upset him badly.

I think this may have been at least partly brought on in me by the change of medication recently. My mood stabiliser dose was raised about a month ago. I have been falling asleep in chairs pretty much ever since and sleeping more during the day and I've noticed my eyes are blinking in a sleepy way. I talked to my psychiatrist about this when I saw him a few days ago and we have dropped the dose back down. May take a while for me to lift out of this sleepy depression though so I hope you can bear with me while I'm like this. On the other hand it just may be a bipolar symptom with me and I'll pick up fast. Or menopause hormone changes that are appearing now as hot flashes at the least. Who knows. At times like this there always seem to be too many possible reasons for the way I'm feeling.

Tomorrow my support worker will be with me at 10am and Thursday is the support group. Friday I see the psychologist again. Glad I have these appointments that are likely to motivate me to do something to pick myself up off the ground or at least get out of the flat. At the moment I just don't have the energy for a single thing aside from what my fingers have now found the energy to write here. Trouble is when I get into these states, I can barely even care.

Hope my partner comes back before too long though. The last time he did this was a really extreme moment years ago when I thought I'd lost him. 

[Former-Member]

Dearest @Mazarita.... 

I'm very sorry to read your struggles - especially not knowing where you stand with your partner - I felt that pain intensely only recently (what got me to the relationship counsellor - then in contact with partners in recovery...) I hope he just needs some time to clear his head, but I doubt that will ease your anxiety until he returns.... which I hope is soon! *virtual hug*

I think your low mood could be any of those three factors. I do think it is probably most likely the medication changes though.... Regardless,  I hope you "bounce" back soon. I'm glad the appointments will get you out of the house in the days to come. 

My mood has crashed & I'm considering skipping a shower today too... (I'm usually good with showering. I have never been diagnosed with ocd, but when I was studying psychology & the stress was really getting to me I copped by showering 5-6 times a day for about 6 months - it was actually a learning & cognition assessment that helped me to recover from that "unusual" (for me) coping mechanism...) 

You are valued @Mazarita. Stay strong.

Namaste,

Anna 

[Mazarita]

Thanks Anna @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member - I am concerned about my firend's physical health mainly. She is bipolar & the medications + emotional eating have made her obese & diabetic. I'm trying hard to encourage healthy eating & have suggested she sees a psychologist who specialises in bipolar & emotional eating. Her gp seemed to just refer her to some random psychologist who she didn't like & is not planning on going back to. Now she is unmotivated to see anyone else. I have gone for walks with her when I was living closer & today I offered to drive an hour to her to go to a parkrun for a walk. She does exercise 5 times a week most weeks, but I think her personal trainer is hopeless & focusing on strength training when she needs to focus on her cardiovascular fitness. Anyhow, like you said I can only do so much & I've learnt from trying to help my mother since I was a child - you can only help people if they want help. I just wish I could control the anxiety that she might die soon.... *sigh*

Namaste,

Anna

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mazarita thank you for being here and mustering up the energy to share how you are going. As you said its so hard to pinpoint a reason for the low but hopefully the med change will help soon. I'm really impressed with your attitude towards the upcoming appointments being helpful for the reasons you stated. Rest and look after yourself. I hope your partner comes home soon and is ok. It's such a tough time for both of you. Hugs if ok, so glad you're here and sending some positive energy to you,
Lj

[Mazarita]

Thanks @Former-Member. He's not back yet. I think he's really not liking me right now and I don't blame him. Staying as calm as possible and trying to work out some practical things we can do to help us out of this. I am okay. Thanks for your kind words, much appreciated, hugs welcome here. 

[Former-Member]

Oh dear @Former-Member sounds really complex and difficult - yes I agree she needs to find a better psychologist that's suited to her needs but all you can do is keep on encouraging like you are, I think you're doing all the right things,
Lj

[Jacques]

hI @Mazarita,

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment, you have been doing so well, you are trying os hard.

Sometimes in relationships to much time spent together can cause friction, with the mood swings and the odd behaviour, i know mum sometimes struggles with my moods and we have words then go an do our own things till we calm down, i do hope this is the case with your partner, maybe some time alone will help him clear his head and allow him to work out his daemons.

I do hope he sees the tremendious effort you are making to make your life better, you have achieved so much over the time i have known you, and you are always trying to better yourself, be proud of the fact of where you have come from, allow your partner to have some space, i am sure he loves you and just neds some time out.

hugs @Mazarita, be kind to yourself.

Jacques