Hi @Former-Member .......... 🌸
I hope you did get up and light that candle for your girl.
This is not coming from any medical training ...... this is just my thought ........ so I hope it's helpful to you in some way .......
It sounds to me like you have experienced a grief response, that your mind and heart are trying to process that moment, and it is so deeply buried while you are awake, your body took a moment when you were asleep to just touch on that point of extreme pain and release just a drop of it ....... but even that drop was so concentrate it spun you out .......
Please be very gentle on yourself today. Engage in all your self-care strategies, and keep Claypan close by you ..... I am sure he will be able to sense your distress and will want to be there to comfort you.
There may be more you can do in tiny ways that can help this pain ruse to the surface and dissipate in less confronting ways ........ such as lighting a candle more often ........ drawing together more special items that remind you of her, and putting them into a special compntainer like a beautiful basket in a bit if a display somewhere in your home, so you can come and touch the objects sometimes, and leave little gifts by thenpm, like flowers you have picked, or a symbol of your faith.
Grief is a long-term thing, as far as I can understand, and as we are walking with it for a long period of time, it's best that we give it some voluntary space in our lives, so it is less likely to break through in involuntary ways, at least not quite so powerfully ....... but not so much space that we can't move past it to focus on living.
The Greek people retain a lot of ritual around the passing of their loved ones, and mark the dates as an anniversary with church attendance, the lighting of candles, the making of a special memory-cake that is shared out amongst friends and family, they wear black clothes for the day ........ it is a celebration of life rather than death ..... it is a holding in memory a special person, and the time that was spent together, as a blessing and special, so special, for what it was.
I hope this brings you some sort of comfort @Former-Member. On my mother's "special days", including the day of her passing, I make her Date and Almond Loaf recipe and share it with anybody who is around. I cook a dinner dish from one of her recipes. I buy her flowers and put them in a vase by her picture, and light a candle. I do physical things to hold her in memory and celebrate her life. It is a way of allowing the pain it's place to exist, and the opportunity to translate into other special emotions, like appreciation for the time we did have together. It's a way of sharing her with others, whether they knew her or not.
Big hugs @Former-Member. 💗🌸💐
Talk to us about your girl on the days that you can, so we can know her through you, and on the days that you can't, know that we are also carrying these special notes of memory around with us too.
I will light a candle for your girl, and pick flowers for her too.
"May her memory be eternal ❣"
