Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[Judi9877]

Hi @BPDSurvivor . Thanks for checking in on me. It's much appreciated. How are you? I'll be honest and say that I've been a bit explosive over the last few days -?Christmas Day was the exception- and that my moods have been a bit towards the anger side. I'm less tolerant lately and my housemate and sister aren't making life easy. I've also had meds consistency issues with me forgetting to take them and so forth.
I just feel a bit lost without uni despite it starting in a few weeks and not really productive yet I know it will be stressful when it starts again. I'm planning on taking 2 units which is full time and I've also got to look for housing along with get my car fixed and pay for textbooks. Life just doesn't stop. It also adds to my pressure that my housemate has BPD but with her, everything is a drama that often results in her having a meltdown if things don't go her way. Yes, my life is full of stress but I survive on coffee and chocolate! I think I might access the library online and do some journal article reading on Resilience and other articles like indigenous people and mental health to entertain myself. What do you think? 

How did Christmas go for you? Did you do any shopping at the sales or is that not for you? I see your Sydney holiday was cancelled. I hope you can go away when the situation up there settles down. Personally, I'd love to head down to Cradle Mountain in Tassie and hibernate in a cabin for 2 weeks with all the supplies I need alone and away from my current situation. If it is snowing, even better! Tassie is like my 2nd home and a place that I love despite all my bad MH episodes happening down there when I was at uni in the mid 2000's. I sort of feel that it is my spiritual home even though I got diagnosed with BPD in 2008 here on a trip back to Melbourne for the summer holidays. Weird huh?

Talk later.

Judi9877☺️💐

[Nells]

Hi @BPDSurvivor.. not travelling so well at the moment.. on our 8 or 9 th admission in 2 months.. she’s just absconded from the ward and the Police are looking for her.. Doesn't want to go to AMHU but her behaviour will put her there.. Psych says she told them she doesn’t want to be here at 25 which is 4 days away...

[BPDSurvivor]

Dear @BlueBay ,

Im sorry to hear things are so tough. I hope you will be able to get the help you need sooner rather than later.

In all of this, please take care of yourself. 

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

[WIP]

Mood diary templet or Mood diary app - does anyone have recommendations for good ones to use?  Thanks

@BPDSurvivor 

@BlueBay @Andrab @Judi9877 @WIP @Nells @Shaz51 @Aniela @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora @Et68 

[Judi9877]

Hi @WIP  @BPDSurvivor and others. Just popping into say hello 👋 and to see how everyone is travelling over the holiday period. I for one am struggling a bit with things I will honestly admit. That's why I've made the decision to shut people out and work on an unfinished crochet blanket that I just found and let my moods travel with the safety of a crochet hook moving in and out with the motion of the yarn and my hands.

@WIP I haven't had any proper experience with a mood diary as such despite hearing of them. I was possibly thinking that maybe Beyond Blue could have something or the Black Dog Institute? Or there is a place in Perth called Centre for Clinical Interventions I think it's called that may also be worth a look at. I hope this helps. I'd be interested to see how you with your search so please keep me posted!

Take care!

Judi9877

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @WIP ,

I used a mood diary I formulated myself after looking at various templates. I needed a tailor-made one so I could include my food intake, sleep patterns, meds etc. All of these things affect mood, hence I thought it was important in my mood diary.

Hi @Judi9877 ,

Im finding this time quite challenging too. It's not that anything has gone 'wrong', but I feel quite isolated and lonely at this time. As much as I'm trying to stay busy, I get quite lost without the routine of work. I know I need a break from work because it will be full on once I go back to work and studies. I know I need to find a balance.

Im completing a 5D diamond painting at the moment. The rhythmic pattern of it had a soothing effect, much like crocheting.

Keep in touch @Judi9877 . I think we are both feeling a bit 'lost' at this time. Did I correctly read that you plan on studying full time in the new year?

BPDSurvivor

[WIP]

Thanks @BPDSurvivor  You make a really good point of including food intake, SLEEP amount & quality, as both of those things affect my mood intensely.

Thank you.

[Nells]

@BPDSurvivor  Are you ok? I've not read a post from you for a while! Nells xx

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi Mum @Nells ,

 Thanks for checking in.

 I'm moving on in terms of recovery. I had a session with my psychologist yesterday and mentioned that although I still have intense ups and downs, I can see the progress I have made, and that's what matters. The ups and downs are expected as with anybody. These peaks and troughs is what makes us human - it is not singling out pwBPD.

Ive also reflected on how much I've been supported by the system to get to where I am. I hear only too many stories about pwBPD being let down by the system. It took over 10 years of searching, but I did eventually get the support I needed. I realise now that practitioners realised I meant business and was willing to try anything to get better. I guess I'm fortunate in being able to clearly articulate my recovery goals and that's what has made a difference. Please remember I was not always like this - I was in my 30s before I was ready. Prior this, I wouldn't as so much look up or talk to anyone.

I still have an almighty long way to go in terms of working on reducing maintaining healthy relationships and reducing social anxiety. I have a psycho-social support worker to help me through this.

All in all, progress is being made which I'm happy about. It has taken time, but I'm so grateful for every single moment. Hence I want to share my journey with others to shore it IS possible to recover from BPD and to lead a highly-functional life. 

@Nells , I know MissBPD is going through a rough patch. I also know that things get worse before they get better. MissBPD has endured mountains of challenges to get to the state she is in now. BPD recovery is about going back the same mountainous way to unlearn unhelpful habits so that she can then learn new ways.

 Thank you so much for being there for MissBPD. It takes a real heart to do so. In all this, please ensure you have supports for yourself. Maintain your open communication and boundaries with MissBPD. 

Also, How are you managing with work and your mum?

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi Everyone,

@BlueBay @Andrab @Judi9877 @WIP @Nells @Shaz51 @Aniela @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora @Et68 

I've just had what I call a 'BPD moment' - I thought I'd share it considering my recovery also consists of setbacks.

I flared up into BPD rage because my sister said my skirt was too short and then a meeting I was at went 30 mins over time. I LOST THE PLOT! Severe SH thoughts, pure hatred for the world and myself overtook and I found myself hyperventilating. I hated my sister so much! I wanted to block her number from my phone. I wanted to blot her out of my life. I wanted to send her an abusive msg to get out of my life and mind her own business - all because she said my was too short. This extended to a pure hatred for everyone's existence. And this is when suicidal ideation kicked in.

I am not looking for comfort messages from everyone here. The reason I'm sharing this is to show that although I've come a long way in my recovery, I still have BPD moments. 

So despite all the crazy outrageous thoughts in my head, this is what I did:

- had a shower

- hopped into bed under my weighted blanket

- BREATHE (ratio 1:2 double my exhalation time to my inhalation time)

- self talk "this anger will pass", "I have come a long way in recovery", "put into practice all the skills you have learnt", "adversity is a test of whether the real work of recovery has been done"

And this is what I did NOT:

- block my sister

- send an abusive msg while angry (very tempted to)

- SH

- talk down my recovery "I'm no better"

For pwBPD, you can probably relate to some of this.

For carers of pwBPD, here is insight into the BPD mind.

For others, happy reading.

 For our own growth and learning, I encourage anyone else to also share their 'BPD moments' or questions surrounding this, just as @Judi9877  has in the past where she shared her experiences around the benefits of writing in https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/Raising-Awareness-of-BPD-Flipping-the-Script/m-p/973223/highli... 

Take Care everyone,

Thanks for reading.

BPDSurvivor