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BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Poems

I wrote this poem last year after being admitted into a mental health unit in hospital.  My mum found out where I was and called me and argued with me, yelling at me for not telling her sooner about my memories of being sexually abused as a child.  She yelled and said that I have betrayed the family.  I hung up the phone and threw it on the ground.  Have not heard or seen from my parents. That was June 2015 😞

 

Time to let go:

It's been a month now
and I don't know why
you were angry
and made me cry

But in a way
I've had time to think
that i am important
and not just a blimp

I've had time to reflect
and look back at what has happened
my life has changed
within a huge range

I see you as parents
who have brought me up
but i am the person
that has changed

And even though
I know you don't like it
I know I am getting stronger
without you

Sometimes i can see a little light
at the end of the tunnel
it's only slight
but it's bright

And then it goes black
and I sink in it again
I try to get up
but it's hard being kicked again

What you have done
has made me see
that I am a better person
and better for me

you may not like it
but i don't care
for I know what i have done
and said

it's all true what happened
all those years ago
i know for one minute
that there is no doubt

it's my birthday soon
and i have been reflecting
to what i have done with my life
and i am not just a wife

I am more than just a wife and daughter
I am a grown up woman
and not your little girl
with the cute little curl

The last 5 years have been traumatic
but i wouldn't have it any other way
it has made me see what i never saw before
that i can be strong and i am

Some days are tougher than others
But i know deep down i get through it
I push through the tears
and find my inner strength

Reflection is hard to do
but i can do it without you
and even though you are my parents
i know one thing - I am me

I am me
for I know why
I am stronger than ever
And i don't care if you don't think so
For all I need
is my approval

That I am who I am
today, tomorrow and forever
I look back and have no photos
But I don't care
Cause I know who I am

I am loved, I am cared
and I don't care if you don't love me
There are no words
to describe the pain I've been in

But I am pushing through this pain
to see the new me
to see that i can win this
i can be who i want to be - and
that's just me.

10 REPLIES 10
BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

This is another poem.  This one about my dad.

My Dad:

I love my dad so much
If only I could be in touch
To tell him the truth
Of what happened in my life

But I know that muns in control
With your life
It must be hard for you
To let go and just be you

I have no childhood photos
Mum has kept them all
But I have one in my mind
Of you holding me as a little girl
The red jumper I wore
And the dark little curls
I'll remember this photo
Forever and ever

It must be hard to be caught in the middle
Of your wife and children
I bet you wish you could stand tall and be you

You've worked hard all your life
To give us kids a better life
I admire and appreciate the hard work you've done

I just wish I could see you
To give you a hug and tell you
Thank you for everything you've done
And to say how much
I love you

Life isn't fair
It throws it's ups and downs

I thought last year when I saw you after 4 years
That it would be better forever
But I guess mum had other plans

So now I can't see you anymore
It's hard to understand
Why am I been targeted
No one will ever know


I just want to say
How much I love you
And thank you for being my dad

So for now I can't get that hug
But I know that one day I will
Love you dad with all my heart

Silenus
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

Time to let go - what a beautiful poem of strength @BlueBay - I love it.

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

Thanks you so much @Silenus.  I never thought that others would enjoy my writing.  It is straight from the heart. It makes me think that I can start to believe in myself and in my writing.  Thank you again 🙂 xxx

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

This is a poem of my struggles with my parents.  I wrote this one while in hospital.

 

Struggle:

I don't know where it's coming from
But then maybe I do
It's just all tangled up
and it has to do with you

I struggle every day
to find a better place
but deep down I really know
that I will be okay

Some days I get angry
and then I feel sad
You can't hurt me anymore
With your emotional abuse

I always thought why me?
And I still don't understand
Why you blame me for
everything I said

I feel this sadness come over me
Some days it feels like it's taking over
And then I see a ray of light
I grab it and hold onto it

I just wish things were different
But I know now they never will
For I'll never understand
why you treat me the way you do

I've grown to be much stronger
than you could ever be
For I am dealing with my demons
that you can never see

This sadness within me
will not continue
with my children
for I know I am loved by them

It saddens me to see you live
a life of emptiness, loneliness
but that is your choice
for I have my own decisions

I am proud of how far I have come

Five years of hell and back
for now I am getting there
and you are still alone

I know I am still a bit sad
and it tears me apart some days
from anger to hurt to abandonment
i struggle with what you said

It helps to write this down
It helps to keep me alive
For I am loved
and you are not

I believe that one day
I will be okay
And I will look back at this
And shed a tear or two

But I stand tall and proud
of what I have achieved
and you will still be there
all alone with no care

eth
Community Elder

Re: Poems

Hold on to that light @BlueBay.  Your poems are very moving.

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

Thank you @eth
It nice to know others enjoy reading my poems.
Take care 😊
MoonGal
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

@BlueBay Heart I love your writing, the insight, the understanding and the empathy - I was really moved by your poem to your Dad. Keep on keeping on writing.

I also find writing about outside life - the way I see and experience the world, about wildlife, the world's struggle, war, feminism, refugees, politics - outward looking things, the things I am passionate about, helps too... Here's one from a few years ago.

picasso weep.png


The World She is Weeping Me (c) Moongal 2014

The World,

She is weeping, me.

Her Elephant’s blood

Mine, pooled in

A quagmire of

Greed.

 

Lost. Another one.

All of them.

From Cape to Horn of

That Mighty land

Africa.

 

Gone. Forever.

Soon. None.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me.

Her children, small

Mine, enveloped in

The hatred of

Religion.

 

Lost. Another One.

All of them.

From Sea to Galilee

Of that mighty basin.

Cradle of Humankind.

Grave of Human kindness.

 

Here to stay,

Soon, forever

Fighting.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me.

Her ocean swell,

Mine.

A watery desert of

Bio-absence.

 

Lost. Another one.

All of them.

Across Earth’s

Face.

 

Gone. Forever.

Soon. None.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As talks of peace crumble to

acrimonious dust.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As talks of trade in horn

gather momentum.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As death-cults gathers armies

To annihilate the 'other'.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As the West fights amongst

themselves and punishes the poor.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As the East carves the ivory

Into bling and phone-covers.

 

The World,

She is weeping, me

As her Bears languish

In cages and pits for bile and fun.

 

Me, I am weeping for her.

It’s come to this.

It always does.

Yet I rise

Each day

With hope

For her sake.

 

The World,

she needs us,
Every one.

(c) Moongal. 2014
______________
Image: Picasso (c)

eth
Community Elder

Re: Poems

Beautiful @MoonGal.

@BlueBay there are also poems by myself, @Silenus and @GonePirate on the Writing As A Form of Therapy post in Looking after our well being.

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Poems

Tonight I am angry, emotional and frustrated.  Here is another poem:

Families:

Families are weird
they hurt you in so many ways
they don't even ask how you are
or what you've been doing

Families are meant to be
supportive, loving and nurturing
but not my family
for they are the exact opposite

Families are meant to stick together
through thick and thin
But my family spit you out when
times are tough
and blame you for everything

Well I have my own family
my three beautiful children
they can see what my family have done
but they choose me as their family

I can't live like this anymore
to feel hurt, pain, sorrow,
to see dark depression, stuck in a hole
to see abuse, screams, cries

I am going to live my life
with my own family
and if it means no more 'other' family
then it's the way it has to be

For I need to step through that door
to the future of happiness, love
and support
And leave behind all the hurt and pain

It's not easy
but I know I can try
there will be setbacks
but it's okay

I have a lot of support
and I can get there
But it's scary to think that maybe
I'll fall again
I need to stay positive