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Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

hi @soul I will make sure I pick Medium next time !!

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

Hi @Shaz51, nice for you to ask 🙂 I had a second counselling session ysday, but it was mainly about getting my daughter back in their program. Thank goodness her app is tomorrow. Kirsty only has me to tell her problems to since she was signed off after 2 yrs with the same counsellor. 

Content/trigger warning
 

I am so worn out and tired today, trying to catch up on all my pet rescue emails etc. Going to have a wee nana nap soon!

I hope you are looking after yourself too and do something special for yourself today x

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

hello @JoJo99

Firstly please let me say how much strength and courage that would have taken to write your thoughts and even more so start your own thread.

You probably dont realise, as you are feeling so drained, the very act of starting this conversation is a powerful move on your part. Be proud.

You have for the most of your life only known the role of caring. When I say the role of caring that does not even come close to describe how much of your very essence has been taken up in caring for not just one person but one after another, more than one at any given time. I have read about these situations but never had the opportunity to respond to someone.

So please forgive me if anything I say makes you upset. I am astounded by your unselfish actions.

You have in providing so much care perhaps overlooked self care. I put my hand up to that too, overlooking self care.

Now you find yourself at a time in your life where you are no longer in that role and I am imagining feeling quite bewildered, unsure of yourself and uncertain how to go about living your own life day to day.

You mention that your daughter has been living on her own for two years. Your daughter has an intellectual disability, depression and anxiety. How is she managing living on her own? Is she having a quality of life that she is happy with? These are questions I ask myself about my own son. As much as I would love to nurture him as a little boy he is an adult now. Living on his own is a new experience for him even though he is now 37years old. In the eyes of some, this would be seen as my being selfish. However, I  believe that I am being kind, I am considering his needs not mine and it is so important for my son to have self respect, dignity and to be able to have a quality of life measured in his eyes not mine. Do you understand a parallel there? I am still here for him.

You too can still be there for your daughter whether she lives with you or not.

I believe that you are at a time in your life where you are the person who needs to be put first. You would benefit greatly from some advice on how to have a better quality of life for yourself.  A psychologist could help you with this.

A referral for a psychologist can be obtained by booking a double appointment with your doctor. You can explain to your doctor that you feel you need some counselling as you are struggling. Your doctor may already know your history. Your doctor can assist you in this matter. There are health plans available paid by medicare therefore no cost to yourself. Please consider this for you as the psychologist can be of great value to you and also let you know what other help and options can be made available for you.

You have done so much for others for the majority of your life to date please take this opportunity to help yourself as hard as it might seem. I have not been in a situation like you however I have given so much of myself and struggled with my own mental illnesses. I know that counselling does help.

You will not be letting your daughter down. You will be showing your daughter that you have the strength and wisdom to look after yourself so that you both can share some wonderful times together moving forward in your lives.

please keep on writing on here. vent , rant, let out as much as you have the need to. you are safe on here. very confidential and no judgements. you will meet some extremely strong people on both sides of the forums, carers and lived experience. you will be listened to and respected.

 

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

Hi @Former-Member, you did hit the nail on the head. I was so happy my daughter could live independently and also in employment. I loved the fact that I now had freedom. Before I would have partied hard and kicked my heels up. But it seems this past few months have only seen me in depression and not going out at all and rejecting all my mates invitations. I saw a counsellor for the first time last week, not so good at divulging anything face to face I find!. Great that your son is achieving what he wants and also needs in his life, its a real proud parent moment. Hopefully I can get myself back on some even ground but now as she is going thru some depression it is dragging me backwards. I was really happy about her moving back home and splitting the house into two for us. Bringing in her support workers daily to the mix. Now it scares the sh*t out of me in case I am making a mistake, forgot about all those dreadful hours of counselling I always had to do with her. Thank you for taking the time for a chat. I really appreciate this

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

@JoJo99 I am a full-time carer for one of my daughters with physical and intellectual handicaps .... just wanted to let you know.

🌷💕

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

hello @JoJo99

I am so sorry. I took so long in carefully thinking how to respond and how best I could offer some advice

and then read your last response.

please just take what is of benefit from my words and skip the rest.

wishing you care for you xx

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

hello @JoJo99

i have misunderstood and apologise I didnt realise your daughter had already moved back.

She has her own living area as you have split the house in two and has her supports. So that is brilliant.

Very clever idea.

Something I have learnt to do re situation with my son not knowing where he is etc is to only live in the now. I work very hard at not going back to the past or thinking about what will be in the future. I work on being in the now and I find it does help me a lot.

Adjusting to counselling takes time, as you gain trust, open up. Be gentle with yourself.

Depression has a way of creeping up on us. Main thing is you are aware and now can have your counselling and take steps to look after yourself.

I think that you have actually come a long way already.

You have had some very major changes in your life that wasnt so much your life for some time.

You will be well again, give yourself time and take advice from other long term carers on here on how best to look after you. xx

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

@JoJo99

after all I have said I wanted to say

WOW

you have rescue dogs as well!!!!

You are a saint. Anyone who is kind to animals and children in my book has got it all.

What a lovely soul you are. How lovely to have you here on our forums. xx

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

Hello @JoJo99 xx

I was really happy about her moving back home and splitting the house into two for us. -- great idea

sometimes it is hard to find the right balance

My husband has had Mental illness all his life and I have 4 step children who are adults now with their own problems , my mum is 85 and just had major bowel surgery  and she wants me to do more for her now -- and I want to , but she still wants to live in her house

Re: Long Term caring and it's problems

@Former-Member Kirsty hasn't moved back yet ..... thats what I am worried about. Am I jumping from the frypan into the fire?

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