Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jasminej]

Hi @JoJo99! I know it's been a while since you posted this and so you may not see my response but maybe someone else will and it might be helpful to them. I consider myself a sort of long term carer, in that I grew up in a violent household and from a young age I was the one putting myself in the middle of fights and standing up to my father and for my mother and bro. I was always looking for ways to help them and as a young person that was akin to metaphorically hitting my head on a wall. Trying to get them to see the same future we are now living, if things didn't change. In my teens, I started trying to get help for my older brother.. Pretty much impossible. Then when I was 22 I went through some severe trauma and during my recovery realised I'd probably had depression since childhood. Luckily I don't have mum or bro dependant on me for physical care. But mental health care seems to be my thing. I have nursed my grandparents through end of life care though. I find I go out of my way to help people perhaps because I feel they listen more than my own family. It gives me the satisfaction of results. I also have pets, again it's therapeutic but also you care for them and then they respond as they should. My fight with depression has been epic.. I have so many tips/hints.. I want to write a book. I also had issues caring for myself and learnt to do that as a necessary part of dealing with depression. It's a practice like learning to ride a bike. Re your daughter, does she need to be at home with you? Will she become more dependent on you if she is? Will it be more convinient for you to assist her if she is at home. Maybe moving closer to her may help. I continued living at home so I can intervene, even though it was mentally bad for me. I spent most of my time out of home and ran to friends houses and cried most nights. Then I learnt to stay on top of my depression and continued living at home to intervene and save money. Now I live in a separate part of the house, I partitioned it and built a kitchen myself. I hope to move somewhere close so I can keep a weekly eye on them.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wow .... that sounds like it was really hard @Jasminej ..... and you were not able to get an intervention over your dad to help him change his behaviours.

It's an invaluable gift you have imparted to your family, and it sounds like you have heard the message that it's really important to look after you too, cos carer's burnout is a real thing ......

I have found the love and support of this community an incredible source of self-care ...... wonderful, compassionate people who soldier on ..... as carers or lived experience .... it matters not at all. In fact, there is often the case where people are both ....

Welcome again ..... 💐💕