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Jzkm
Contributor

I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi guys. 

I’m new here and i’m sorry this is a very long post, read on if bored. 

 

my partner of 3 years has just had his first ep psychosis 3 months ago. I noticed it build up for a month, the paranoia of me doing him wrong & weirdness. After the 3rd blow up, he landed in hospital as a voluntary patient. He went in sane (well, I thought he was) but the environment prolly triggered him, so he went into full blown psychosis for 4-5 days. He stayed there for 2 weeks,leaving me alone with our 8 mo old baby, w/o any family in this country. Child protection got involved as well. No communication from his doctors because he removed me as his next of kin, due to paranoia that i put him there,even though he called the mental health triage team himself and got assessed.

 

So he was discharged without a diagnosis (or so he says), Takes meds daily +temper out of control (he used to be the patient one) + memory has become worse, it was never the best, but he’s dangerously forgetful now.


Do antipsychotics cause irritability? I am happy but at the same time i fear that he's working again,crazy shifts, which is what brought this all on in the first place.

 

I want to ask how to talk to your loved one about their mental health and your concerns without them feeling like youre looking down on them? 

 

He gets very defensive because he has this stigma about it and would pass it off as he was just “acting irrationally”. 

I feel that if he accepts this new truth, both of us can deal with it better. He is downplaying it, & i feel more alone than ever. I would like for us both to get to know this illness better together but I dont want to push it as well, i cant find the right words.

 

Also, what are my rights as his carer? 

Is there any legal form he can perhaps fill out when he is well, that will say i am his next of kin and will be informed about his treatment?

 

The hospital spat out a man i dont recognize. 

Will he ever be the same again? Will he be able to look after us like before or will the roles be reversed from here on out? 

I  havent been able to work for 2 months now. Also had a termination (i knowSmiley Frustrated not my year) after his discharge; which i feel like i cant even confide in him anymore because of his constant blunt affect a

& my fear of stressing him out with my feelings. I cant be walking on eggshells forever scared to wake a sleeping bear. I dont know how we will come back from this. Im mourning someone i love who is still alive. 

 

Again, im so sorry for pouring this all out here.I dont know how long i can keep this up.I need some advice/experiences from people who have lived this everyday, not so much from psychologists. Thank you.Heart

 

16 REPLIES 16

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi @Jzkm  - hope you are doing alright.  After my first psychosis, it took about a month out of the hospital environment for me to start acting normally again.  Do you know if he is seeing clinicians, taking medication?

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi @Gwynn 

thanks for your reply.

he is on meds yes and the psych checks on him once a week but he said it's a short call to check on how hes doing. Not really therapy or anything.

did you also have the irritability after the episode? Thanks again!

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi again @Jzkm It's encouraging that he's engaging with the psych. I definitely also had irritability after the episode - I felt like everyone knew all of my business due to my hospital stay, I was embarrassed by how I'd acted while in hospital, and I didn't like it one bit. Added to that, I also had memory problems - which have gotten better over time, but I understand that I may never get back to where I was. I can understand wanting to downplay the illness when you're in recovery. What progress has he made? Apparently one of the early signs of a relapse is having trouble sleeping. It does sound a bit soon to be going back to work, but that's something you might want to discuss with him.

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi @Jzkm 

I'm very sorry for your circumstances. It sounds like you are in hell. I can kind of hear your desperation. You have a young baby to care for and your partner can't help. 

Here's what I have learned: You have got to care for yourself first. Got to place your own wellbeing as a higher priority to yourself, than his.

Do you have a crisis plan? Have a kit packed and ready so you can go somewhere safer at short notice.

I learned very recently that I can't help my partner. It's way above my pay grade. I'm not a mental health professional. I can't do it.

You have to look after yourself first. 

 

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi 🙂 I know somewhat what you’re going through. My husband has recently been diagnosed with bipolar, it’s a wild ride and still going. How are you coping lately?

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

@Gwynn Sorry for the late reply. Yes he is working long hours but less days which is good. I also notice hes been taking extra time off work every now and then coz he just has a ‘cant be bothered’ mood on his meds which is good for him i think. He’s slowly trying to read up on psychosis just a couple days ago. And he was saying he ticked a lot of the boxes. So i guess thats a pretty good step. I just need to come to terms that he may never be the same again i guess. He lost his fire and desire for anything. I miss him even though he’s still with me. They’re weaning him off his meds they just said today. So down half the dose. But he said he bought so much of the old dose he wants to finish it first. UghSmiley Frustrated

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

@UprightRabbit hi! Thank you so much for your reply and advice. I have a crisis plan in place and have all the necessary boxes ticked in terms of a relapse. It was number 1 on my list because i dont have any family here and with such a young baby i thought i needed to think about worst case scenarios first. 

 

its so hard to know where to draw the line especially when i dont know what the diagnosis really is and i dont have any knowledge where his illness/medication side effects end, and his own behaviour starts. Its all so confusing. 

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

@Margherita7 

Hi, im so sorry to hear that. Was he just diagnosed recently? I dont know yet what they think he has but because i work in the field just basing on his meds he can be either schizo or it was just an acute (hopefully once only) psychosis. The thing i just cant get over is that he may never be the same again. Its so hard to separate the illness from the person when he has completely changed. And i get the meds are for the good but is it bad of me to just wish the meds doesnt dull the persons personality out so much?
Is your husband better now from his last episode?

Im not coping well. I cant find it in me anymore to go back to work, ive only just done a shift after maternity leave then all this happens. Im trying to step back in after almost 2 months of stopping again, but the days when he looks after our baby i just want to do nothing.
How are you coping so far?

Re: I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi @Jzkm 

Good to hear from you. Never apologise for taking time to update either - I'm sure many of us remember having young babies and to manage those challenges as well as your others, is quite something.

How are you going? I hear you mentioning a lot, that you feel you might never have your pre-illness partner back again. I can't offer anything there as it's outside of my knowledge base. I do want to know, Can you, or are you interested in, getting your own mental health plan? I don't recall if you said you have one or not. For me, having my own psychologist allocated has meant the world. It's by tele-health and bulk-billed. Maybe this is an option for you?

You might benefit from a 'senses check'. I just learned this phrase. It's having access to someone with a valid authority to help you figure out if what you perceive is accurate or not. Having a professional listen and say, 'I hear that and I think your perceptions are valid, and here's why, or why not'.

Because I think we all go through a stage of wondering. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm overreacting? Did I contribute to this? 

I feel like you need validation. And support! Being here is good, and getting more support, specifically and only for yourself, is I think incredibly important. 

Best, Rabbit. 

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