Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Louise]

Hi all

It's nice to be able to enjoy a coffee with your ex. I will always be fond of my ex, but rarely see him, it would probably just cause trouble with his wife. My anxiety and heavy-drinking put too much strain on our marriage unfortunately.

Our 17 year old son is applying for Youth Allowance so he can move out (from my house) and live with his brother. He is still on anti-psychotic meds, so I will have to text him every night to remind him to take his meds. Then maybe around Christmastime he might be able to come off them

[Louise]

I think if all goes well for him, he may never have another psychotic episode. But if not, he could go on to have another episode...or even ongoing problems. It could end up being Schizophrenia. Only time will tell.

Myself, I've never had a serious plan to take my own life, but for countless years the option was never far from my mind. It was like a constant back-up plan. Going on anti-depressants helped a lot and I've also been helped by CBT, mindfulness, exercise, music, prayer, Bible-study. Now I only consider suicide very fleetingly and occasionally.

[Mosaic]

Hi @Louise it is so lovely that you are helping your son set up youth allowance so he can hopefully find his feet and move out with is brother... That's a big step! And that is so thoughtful to send him a reminder text each night about his meds. I am sure this makes him feel so loved! It was also so thoughtful of you to share about the different strategies you utilise when you're feeling particularly low or suicidal. I am sure this will be helpful to other members who struggle too. I really appreciate that even though you are walking through your own journey of recovery, you still take time to look out for those around you, both in 'real life' and here on the Forums 🙂 Let us know how things go with your son! 🙂

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Louise,

How creative and interesting..how you live your life in relation to your son.

My oldest son suffers lots of times of MI health.
We are both different how we care for ;our sons.but with the same outcome......

To be honest, Im definately Not into cutting down on medication. Im on very heavy anti dep. very high dose which I'm happy to be on for the rest of my life.
I still feel,' everything, in fact, I've started up a conversation somewhere on Sane forums called ' dealing with a problem creatively ...and tonight, i grabbed confidence, wrapped it around my shoulders and called the police with a wonderful outcome.

Ive been reading a book called.... "Mental Health Recovery Heroes, Past and Present." Now, I'm not able to intellectualize much but could you bear with me while i struggle through what it writes in the beginning.
....the book writes what recovery means ....

In the authors words ;
PAGE 19 WRITES..that

' recovery is something worked toward and experienced by the person with MI. It's not something that services can do....The contribution of staff is to support the person in their journey to recovery."

I personally really like your gentle reminders to your son. I think for instance that this works for you in recovery.
for my own son, i see him for 7 days once per year and we discuss spending time instead of....say lying in bed all day chain smoking.....he choses to replace it with working. He refuses to take medication so, we discuss how he manages his days to keep them full of activities he likes to do.

I think...for his recovery....say @kato, he writes poetry and goes on long drives.

A page later, in this book mentioned before......

This book then writes of four points which i like and relate to...

but i dont really understand the last point.

The book writes......
there are 4 processes in recovery.

Restoration of hope

Development of a positive sense of identity.

Bringing meaning into someone's life

Encouraging a sense of personal agency responsibility and self determination.


Does someone know what last point means ?

[Appleblossom]

Its nice if you actually can enjoy a coffee with your ex.

I have been separated nearly 15 years. I tried to make it an amicable break though things were out of control in the marriage for long time. I had positive feelings for mine but there are also "red flags" that alert me to the fact that he is not really my friend, or my children's friend.  Such as when our son is in a fullblown psychotic episode, needing hospital and his father flirts with the psych nurse and the psych nurse ethically turns to me and says we have a "Romeo". Hmmm  That is a real turn off.  As my ex got lots of support from me as the poor little rich boy whose family drove him mad, I feel disgust that he is so immature (even at 65 yrs) about his son's suffering.  Yet he tries in his way.  Its complicated.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi, i waS reading your message about your son re: fears and hopes with medication. Yeah, your right.....only time will tell. And you are an honest lady. This shows me with your truthful message........

I am not a trained therapist. Everything I write is from lived experience and a few years of study from self interest and just to get through. What I write is from based intuition, not from proffecional learning.

Yes, it could end up being Schizophrenia for your son but you also are already showing real love to him. Personally, from Mother to Mother.....and me having a 25 year old ;struggling with times of Psychosis this is all what he needs from me.

I was told by a D&A Social worker .............last time i flew to over East to see my son is what he most needs from me. Just to be a Mum and be loving. He said that this will show long term benefits. The Social Worker I spoke to and had councelling with was trained and worked in London for some years. He is focusing on tying drugs and alcohol together with mental health issues, here in Western Australia. I like very much how he works and he uses Scott Miller, a Psychotherapist as a training tool.

I like the sound of Scott Miller. He says that people who go to Psychotherapy for a long time is not needed anymore. And he trains already trained therapists how to only see people a few times with the same effect as long term therapy.

I haven't seen my oldest son for a year.
i send him a text every fortnight saying..... im thinking about you, text or call anytime, ;love from Mum.
This is a little like what you do but i very rarely speak to him.

[PeppiPatty]

@Appleblossom

I so hear you re; your ex husband. The ex I see almost every day is my second husband.
And understand the last sentence you wrote.

When my oldest son had his first Psychosis......he really wanted to speak to his father. Out of the blue, a friend of mine, gave me a ticket and said hop on the next plane and be with him. So, while I was sitting there, my son would call his father and he would just hang up on him.
Poor poor sons.

[Appleblossom]

@PeppiPatty

I can get plenty of stuff out of books or articles on net, but people to people is really important. Lived experience is a good despciption for this forum.I try and learn from wherever I can find something relevant. 

Yes fathers and sons are tricky.

I try and love my son in lots of different ways, being gentle, being hilarious and taking micky out of myself so things dont get too precious all the time, finding things that might interest him.  He does not want much physical expression of affection from me but he is finding it where he wants it and that is great.

Mothers and daughter are tricky too.  I am sad that I dont see my daughters(middle child biological and oldest a foster/step). Though they are doing well enough and are not needy types. I had such a complicated marriage and too much grief very early on.

Its nice to get your posts.

[PeppiPatty]

DeAr @Appleblossom ,

Your name feels like you are someone who is very caring. I am sorry about your daughters.

I've reached the conclusion that though I'm the absolute opposite of Mum, we have so many similarities its ......easy to see we are mother and daughter.
My stories are peppered all over the place here.
I don't .....think I try with my sons......I truly believe in positive feedback so I may work hard on that with my children.....but don't think so. I've got one old friend who lived with me for about a year about 18 years ago.

she said about 5 months ago....when I was visiting her down South that I was as mad as a hatter then but I worked very hard at being a good mother and I was very loveable.

My sons were about 6 and 10 years old.
I listen to Jon Kabbat Zinn when things get difficult but I don't like meditating so, just listen to him.


If you feel like wanting to start contact with you daughters, we in Sane Forums can usually get some great dialogue happening here that may be able to help out.

The wonderful moderator, @Baboo gave me a good tip on my youngest son who I was writing about last week.

So, first step done with my youngest son..... what does the next step involve.
I'm going to see my Psychotherapist in the next couple of weeks....I have been seeing her for over 10 years, I started seeing her in 2003 three times a week. By 2012. I've seen her once a year to twice per year.

Sane forums have been important to me. Last week or week before, I felt like laughing when a moderator called @NikNik wrote to me that I'm not my usual self....she was so right then. I felt.....jeepers kreepers, I go out and get the support I need....and I'm not ashamed either.

[Appleblossom]

@PeppiPatty

Do you mean that your sons were 6 and 9 when you split? Have they gone into care? I was in care.. but there was no picking of foster families then.

My internet is on go slow and I am trying to get the free top ups